Actually feeling a load better. Went to the grave which was awful, hate going and won't go again until my mum forces me. Cried on my mum. Came home, had lunch, lay down, ds came in for a snuggle and fell asleep with me and I just lay hugging him, reminded me what's important and what's not.
So, I'm realising that I'm at the stage where I'm getting to know LM pretty well warts and all. Everyone has their limitations and bad points and some of his are becoming more apparent now (as are mine, probably). But, and this is a big but, both of us have been having a bad time of it lately. When things started getting difficult last year with his health problems, I said to myself that I wanted to get all the shit out of the way (hospital, dad stuff, shop) and see how we go under normal circumstances. The shop should be open in the next week or so and he'll be working again properly which should make a huge difference to him. I want to see what happens then and how he is with at least some of the stress taken off his shoulders. It's only a couple if weeks to wait so not like I'm hanging on forever. There's still the health issue though. I don't want to make excuses for crappy behaviour, but he has had some rotten luck over the last year. There is more going on than I can post about on here as well, which is also major stuff. I'm actually surprised he's kept things going as well as he has done.
I'm not impressed by what he's done and he knows that. I'm pleased I stuck up for myself and said that to him and that he admitted I was right. That's a real step in the right direction for me. I also want to talk to him about this stuff but at the right time face to face.