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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 44

999 replies

lubeybooby · 01/03/2013 09:46

Here we go - all dating chat here!

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 05/03/2013 13:54

Well, I am going to revert to my fall-back position - if in doubt, do nowt. At least for the moment. There is no huge rush to decide one way or the other, no deadline. More talking and more thinking will help.

I think with my other thread (and on here) I have said a lot more about the bad side of things than the good one and I've possibly distorted things by doing this. I don't feel that I am clinging on just so I have "a partner" but what I am doing is giving things a fair chance as I think there is a huge amount of good stuff in our relationship and between us. And I don't think it's true that he doesn't care about me, either.

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 15:08

I haven't caught up with it or a while OWW but I saw the comment you are referring to. Don't discount the more measured replies because of that though

He does care about you of that I'm sure. And yep, there's good things - but the last few days have highlighted unignoreable problems.

I do hope he either sorts himself out or that you can move on without hassle

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OhWesternWind · 05/03/2013 15:19

One or the other, Lubey!! It will be hard if it finishes but not the end of the world.

JulietteMontague · 05/03/2013 15:35

I did it. 32 whole minutes of 1 min intervals. It may not seem much but this is a massive barrier broken down for me and I can't stop grinning. I'm doing this specifically to get over the fear of running GrinGrinGrin

OWW he is hard work but not actually harmful. I think he does care but is also quite at the centre of his own universe and needs a reality check. Now you are generally in a great lace, would you want him if you met him now?

MirandaWest · 05/03/2013 15:47

Well done Juliette :)

I once came 4th in an 800m race at Sports Day. It was out of 4 Blush. Would probably be quicker now than I was over 20 years ago I think Confused

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 15:48

Well done Juliette :o

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OhWesternWind · 05/03/2013 15:57

Whooooo Juliette!! Excellent stuff. Well done.

Would I want him if I met him now? Yes, probably. He is excellent company, totally gets my sense of humour, we can talk for hours, great in bed, very generous, so on a fairly superficial "dating" level it is very, very good. It's on a deeper emotional level that things start getting a bit difficult. If I'd known about the effects of the depression and general fucked-up-ness I probably wouldn't have got into a relationship with him in the first place. He did tell me about the depression, but very much gave the impression that it was in the past and was not affecting his life at the moment. He also told me early on that he was ready for a new relationship. Hmmm. I think I am going to have what will probably be a difficult conversation with him soon, either tomorrow or over the coming few days/week and the outcome of that will make things very clear. I am going to tell him clearly what I want/need and hope he will be honest and straightforward with me.

But I am not scared of being on my own again, even though it makes life a bit greyer, and I would find someone else before too long, I'm sure. It's just the thought of starting again is a little bit daunting, but I've had worse things happen to me. It would be such a shame too, as he really is a lovely man, just fucked up like he said.

JulietteMontague · 05/03/2013 16:39

OWW that is exactly how I felt about my LM, he was kind, thoughtful, the most wonderful sex and lots of it, smart, beautiful and completely fucked up. Hard work.

Scrazy · 05/03/2013 16:49

This is how it was with the last one I was seeing. Totally got each other, laughed till our sides split, he was generous, thoughtful, lovely sex, kisses and cuddles, but a complete head fuck for me as he was emotionally unavailable and wouldn't commit.

I loved being with him but I don't miss the way he made me feel sometimes. He was probably seeing other women so it was different but I wouldn't put those the good things ahead of him making me feel like crap.

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 17:06

"I wouldn't put those the good things ahead of him making me feel like crap"

Spot on. If you're not getting what you need and feeling good then that isn't normal or 'healthy' in a relationship

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ike1 · 05/03/2013 17:07

I think you are wise not to be in too much of a rush to bring the relationship to an end OWW....let it play out for a bit.....

ike1 · 05/03/2013 17:19

I am valiently trudging forth conversationally with Mr Woodsman (killing time b 4 picking up the kids)....he will happily respond .....but doesnt initiate....that is so bizarre....ends everything with a little kiss....I feel like I am forcing him to talk to me hahaha

JulietteMontague · 05/03/2013 17:20

OWW whatever happens with LM, for you the relationship has been good in enabling you to say want you want and best of all you now know you can rock the boat without it capsizingSmile. Total admiration for how you've dealt with all this.

ike1 · 05/03/2013 18:08

Yes as Jules and Lubes have noted....I agree....well played OWW but I would not be in a rush to bring closure yet.

He seems keen enough, this bloke, to converse....but what do we make of the not asking questions? He only has 1 photo.....but I remember an old POF profile of his and thinking wow....he was one of the best looking guys I had ever seen on there.

He wants to chat later...but .. I like a talker, me...

JulietteMontague · 05/03/2013 18:40

Ike he may be a talker, just not a mailer. I used to love it, now I get bored with it tbh as there are so many drop outs and I just think shit or get off the pot. Also you've mentioned that sometimes guys don't get your sense of humour, he could be cowering or something . Force Get him to meet you and see.

ike1 · 05/03/2013 18:43

Your right Jules ....I've already told hin that 'he'll do' cos he's a writer and likes film...ha ha poor bugger! Oh well done Jules with the exercise that's really cool! I hate exercise and will only do 25 mins max in the gym. He lives 40 mins train ride away so will maybe meet half way or something....

mercury7 · 05/03/2013 19:02

yes well done Juliette, I still find running ever so tough, but I have made progress just by doggedly sticking at it...I am still laughably slow but I can keep going for half an hour before I switch to intervals, when I started it was very hard to keep it up for a minute.

I've started chatting to a bloke who seems quite promising, no text speak at all...but I wont hold my breath

JulietteMontague · 05/03/2013 19:23

Mercury I was surprised at how much harder it is outside and intervals were definitely the way to go. Thanks to all of you who told me that, it would have been an even bigger shock otherwise. Trainer is very good, I trust him and he specialises in rehab so it's been slow but I'm so much stronger than when I started.

mercury7 · 05/03/2013 19:26

oh dont, I do all of mine on the treadmill..I darent try proper outdoor running..thats for serious proper runnersBlush

you are well hard Juliette :o

Snapespeare · 05/03/2013 19:39

Well done juliette it's something, isn't it, the sun shining and the windin your hair! Grin

JulietteMontague · 05/03/2013 19:46

Mercury and this from Ms hardcore fitness runner. I'll take it on my next run out though Grin.

My gsm seems to have run out, I have never met anyone on there who had any life in them. Has anyone tried the free Match offer? it says free for 3 days but do you have to give all your credit card details etc. I was on it before once and got nothing at all, then M Affinity which was just men who hadn't filled out a profile winking.

Snapespeare · 05/03/2013 19:51

Date seven. Friday. Grin Grin Grin

He'd emailed me some adventure time party penguins, in retaliation my morining text of a penguin in a cage...because last night I'd attempted to distract him at virtual scrabble by pinging my bra at him.... But the penguins that now reside in his bedroom Hmm intercepted my bra... So I constructed an elaborate penguin trap...but obviously returned my captured penguins to the wild... Anyway, I'd said that I'd like to see him at the weekend, but I still felt a bit strange instigating dates, because I haven't quite got my head around the ME/CFS limitations, so could he just take it as a given that I'd really like to see him and I'll work around his fuzzy head and ebbs as much as possible.

Response within two minutes. I think he likes me.

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 19:56

Snape :o :o :o

OP posts:
BillMasen · 05/03/2013 20:00

Why is it still embarrassing to buy condoms when you're 39 years old? You'd think by now I'd be a bit more adult about it.

lubeybooby · 05/03/2013 20:06

Oh Bill well it always is a little bit... usually quick and painless though. Just include them with your weekly shop then the cashier can't spend more than half a second pondering them because of the checkout speed targets on items per minute...

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