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Relationships

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Original poster

partners lads holiday

11 replies

jasmineramsden · 27/02/2013 20:34

My fiance and I have been together about 4 years and have a little one together aged almost 2. Our relationship for the most part is great and we're very happy together.
The problem I have is that in april my other half is going on a stag do for one of his best friends to a typical 18-30 place and I'm dreading him going. Said friend has been his best friend for many years and he wants to/has to go he says as 'all the other lads are going'.
I trust my partner not to cheat however I'm very wary of the group he's going with particularly as one of them is a known snake around women and basically wants to pull anything that moves. They're going for a week and I feel its inappropriate really but I'm stuck really as its all booked but I feel I'll be going out of my mind til he gets home. Am I being totally ridiculous?

OP posts:

VoiceofUnreason · 27/02/2013 20:36

Why does a stag do need to last a whole week?

I suspect he will behave himself, and you have to trust him if he has given you no cause. Although if I were him, I'd probably just go for a weekend not the whole week.

Original poster

jasmineramsden · 27/02/2013 20:47

I agree and feel I couldn't leave him and our dd for a week to go and party with my friends to magaluf. I've been before when I was younger and I dread the thought of him in that environment. The groom to be has 3 children! I think its too much

OP posts:

BonaDrag · 27/02/2013 20:50

It's a bit much, but you'll have to trust him. A man who is going to cheat doesn't need to go on a 18-30s to do so.

He'll probably get bored of the boozing by day three anyway.

jellybeans · 27/02/2013 21:00

Its a shame this sort of laddishness has been normalised. I wouldn't like it at all and wouldn't be able to accept it. Nights out, even weekend etc fine but not lads hols.

LapsedPacifist · 27/02/2013 21:33

So, is the bride-to-be and mother of 3 children going to Magaluf with her girlfriends for a week-long hen party?

Or is she not the mother of his kids perhaps?

Sorry, but I suspect that what is sauce for the goose isn't a condiment for the gander here. Apologies if I'm wrong, but are ANY of the women involved in this wedding pissing off for a long holiday abroad with their mates?

sarahseashell · 27/02/2013 21:52

I'd just trust him - he sounds trustworthy - and maybe arrange some kind of break for yourself for after when he gets back?

izzyizin · 27/02/2013 22:46

Maguluf in April is a very different resort to the teeming and heaving hot and sweaty steamy Shagaluf of June-August.

The hotels and apartment guests will mainly consist of families enjoying Easter holidays with their dcs, plus groups of golfers whose tastes in partying are tame, to say the least .

The more notorious fleshpots larger clubs and bars close at the end of September and don't re-open until mid-May and it's probable that, apart from Mr Snake who sounds if he'd find females to letch latch onto in the middle of the Sahara, any of the group who are hoping for the kind of orgies action that's commonplace in high summer will be sorely disappointed.

After a couple of days and nights of drinking in half empty bars with no up for it Club 18-30s to be seen, it's probable most of the group will be bored rigid and your dp will be longing for home comforts you.

Although temperatures will be warmer than the UK, the Med is generally unsettled in April and rain at that time of year can result in a thoroughly miserable damp and cold break for those who were looking forward to luxuriating in a sunny clime.

But dont tell any of them this

maleview70 · 27/02/2013 22:50

You just have to trust him.

Events like this are all about not losing face and looking like mr under the thumb

I have been on a few and so has my wife. Seems to be the norm nowadays.

Some of the group will cheat, some won't but like someone else said they would go on to cheat anyway.

I went on one once with 40 odd lads. About 6/7 cheated but the rest didn't ! Your bloke is probably one of them.

Just keep busy during the week and don't be expecting loads of calls etc. just makes it worse.

When my wife went away before we got married, I just said "have a great time and no need to keep texting/ringing. She usually texted a couple of times a day anyway but as I didn't expect it I wasn't waiting for the call.

The mind can start playing tricks if you don't get expected texts etc so don't put any pressure on him.

One in the bank for you I would say too when he can look after the kids.

Possiblyoutedled · 27/02/2013 22:55

And start looking at your week away which of course you will be having upon his return.
Years ago dh was on about doing this until I smiled sweetly and said it was a good idea as I was finding family life tedious so was poking forward to my girls holiday to Ibiza.
It's funny but he never mentioned it again.
I'd be fine with it as long as I could also enjoy a nice break as well.

DoingTheSwanThing · 27/02/2013 23:06

Can you put your finger in why you'll be "going out of your mind"?. You say you trust him but TBH it doesn't sound like you really feel it.
FWIW my DP (we have a 4yo and 6mo twins) has just got back from 4 days in Amsterdam with "the lads"... Not even a stag do, just a holiday. Was dreading it, nothing to do with trust, just the idea of being on my own with the little people. It was actually lovely! Very pleased to have him back, but nice doing everything my own way.
Do you happen to have iPhones? We used FaceTime, free if hotel has wifi and you might feel a but more reassured.
But YABabitU if you have no reason not to trust him and he pulls his weight normally.

Original poster

jasmineramsden · 28/02/2013 07:03

Thanks so much all of you for your responses, lots of food for thought.
Like the idea of magaluf being a different place in april izzy, I think this is what really bothers me the whole shagaluf scenario. I realise I probably sound quite insecure and I do trust my dp, he's a loyal, genuine guy and has never give me any reason to distrust him. Perhaps its more my own insecurities bothering me, it was perhaps the thought of him surrounded by bikini clad young girls just turns my stomach a bit. I'm a bit overweight, not feeling great about myself at the moment. He's a very attractive man and don't like the idea of him being tempted or doing something he wouldn't at home. But then the poster who said he could easily cheat at home is spot on and its this I should remember.
The bride to be is going to dublin for a weekend for her hen so I hear. She is the childrens mother.
Love your idea Possibly of my own break..going to mention that for sure (don't think I could leave my little girl for more than a couple of nights at the moment but no need to tell him that ;)
Thanks again all the different perspectives really help to get my head around it

OP posts:

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