'Letter to my husband's lover' from the Guardian

[toysintheattic]

Came across this article from the Guardian:

www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2013/feb/23/letter-to-husbands-lover

I found it really poignant and thought I would share, might help get through difficult times.

Thank you for posting that.

Yes, it applies to many.
A year ago today for me. The 24th was the last night we shared under the same roof. I had no idea of the evil being played out behind my back!
My family and I have come a long way in one year and are stronger and closer than ever before. That is not the case for him.

That letter gave me chills. How long does it take for anger, sadness and betrayal go away?

Wow, she's a lot more articulate and rational than I am.

Me too. Not sure I could get that all down on paper without rambling

Me too. Not sure I could get that all down on paper without rambling

Resonance! My H announced he no longer loved me 10 days before my B-day, cancelling a planned outing to a favourite hotel. Also, our next anniversary would have been 25 th. No celebrating for me this year. No idea if there is OW, but it makes little difference. I share her goals, though.

25th? Jeez! Awful!

Amazing

Resisting the urge to forward this to STBXH as this is JUST how I feel !

I read that OP. It made me feel very sad indeed but, as you say, probably describes how many people feel. Very well written.

That letter hits home on so many points for me too and other comments on here. XH left on 24 feb, came back because I begged him and we had a holiday planned for DD's birthday. It was my 40th a fortnight later. He left again at Easter.

I too had saved money for a lovely holiday later in the year for my birthday, since spent on heating oil and legal fees to remortgage my house.

I too, hope to feel very differently 12 months on again..

This is so sad! I adore my XP and had no idea that he was leading a double life for several years!

I would love to tell the OW how I feel; cheers, OP.

Anniversary tomorrow of our first meeting!

I still feel rubbish after 3.5 years ...hollow inside sometimes and very aware of being alone. ExH still with OW and about to jet off for a fun filled holiday in the sun...

ike1 - It's awful, isn't it? I love my XP with all my heart; wish that there was an "unlove" button in our brain.

Yep, I would like to have an erase button so that I can magically forget all the lovely times especially the family ones.

there's a film about that...kate winslet was in it, the something something mind..oh what was it called??

Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind.

thanks!

My XP and the OW are well-known in their own fields; I exploded with anger and wrath when I discovered the extent of deceit and made it public on the 'net. They (he) called in the police for harassment!!!

Oh dear Jyn and this is part of the issue really because what they have done is so unfair and yet there is little you can do to express your anger and disappointment. The only routes really are writing and counselling its such I damaging experience.

I find it very very difficult to have any empathy at all for the OW threads on here sometimes when they are moaning and complaining and have to stop myself from ripping the t..ts to shreds. I hold them both equally responsible, you see.

ike1 and jynier

I understand how you feel, but it seems that a lot of people don't. after 12 months, I still love my XH and cannot just switch those feelings off. Everybody seems to expect you to be able to "forget it and move on", but its not that easy when its your feelings that are involved is it?

As much as I hate him for walking out on me and for becoming obsessed with OW, I can't stop thinking about the good times and the loss of what the future should have held.

Yes Skye and that is where the erase button would be very handy. You can deal with the present but its the memories of what 'appeared' to be a reasonable relationship with the father of your children is what I find hard to take.

That, and in my case, like the author of the article, having to deal with the flourishing relationship that the exH and OW now have. It seems they have all the great holidays, family time and together time any couple could want. Where the person who is left has to deal with the grief, emptiness and loss in all areas of their life. I dont know what I have done to 'deserve' this in my life but it really is an absolutely dreadful place to be and I wouldnt wish it on anyone.

...and truth to tell I dont know when it will get easier...even if I met a fabulous partner (and of course that would help my happiness loads) he still will not be the father of my children and I would still have them coming home talking about the wonderful day they have had with OW's father flying planes or accidentally calling me by her name.