ExP trying to control me or should I acquiesce?

[drasticpark]

Every time xp has ds age 12 for the weekend he seems to forget something vital and demands that I drive over to his flat to hand deliver it. Last time it was shin pads, the time before that it was school shoes, today it is full school uniform. I was out this morning and I am working a 12 hour shift tonight and again tomorrow night so it is inconvenient for me to do his fetching and carrying. Tomorrow, xp has to pass the end of my road to take ds to football. I have text xp and said he is welcome to come and collect anything ds needs from the house at any time - ds has a key - or he can bring him home at 8am on Monday to get changed for school and I will do the school run. I think I am being reasonable but xp is insisting I hand deliver ds' uniform tomorrow.

It's all so petty and I can't be bothered with the aggro but on the other hand I don't want to feel or be controlled by xp any more. Also, he has these tantrums in front of ds who I know will be very anxious about not having his uniform and even more upset by the continued conflict.

I could be the bigger person and just do it but it happens every single weekend when he has ds. I think he is trying to hang on to a modicum of control and in doing so is teaching ds that women are there to fetch and carry when the man snaps his fingers. If he could say please or thank you or would you mind awfully, then he would get a much better result.

He left us over two years ago for ow and I completely and utterly fell apart but I have worked really hard and got myself a new life, a new job and a new man. I run the family home single-handedly and I've got my pride back. I am happier than I have been for many years. I treat xp politely but just get hostility in return. What shall I do?

[Hissy]

giantpurplepeopleeater If your DP has parental responsibility, and a residency agreement, he can take his DS abroad for up to 2 weeks without her agreement.

Get another passport made for SDS. She has no right to hold him hostage.

[drasticpark]

All this anger and game playing is just evidence of poor parenting. I honestly don't know how some people can be bothered with it. Sometimes I'm thoroughly ashamed of myself for choosing such a rubbish parent for my ds. I have never prevented contact. Ds loves his dad very much and they generally have a good time together as far as I know. Luckily, ow is kept out of the way as ds refuses to have her name mentioned let alone be in her company (xp used to take ds on play dates with ow's dd as an excuse to meet up so ds feels very guilty about it) In fact, I don't even know if she's still on the scene.

You reap what you sow etc.

[anonacfr]

Nothing constructive to add but I just wanted to say your DS sounds lovely.

[drasticpark]

Thank you He deserves a better father though. Even the dr winced when she saw his toe. He is on antibiotics 4 times a day for a week plus topical antibiotic cream.

I hope xp gets nob rot and the dr refuses to give him antibiotics or painkillers as payback. An emasculated xp can only be a good thing for women everywhere.

[Hissy]

Two words drastic TRAUMATIC BONDING.

[CarnivorousPanda]

The anger is because you haven't fallen apart. As you said, you've managed to get yourself a new, happy life, one without him in it.

This behaviour is your punishment for daring to do that.

I'd guess his new life is not quite as happy as he thought it would be. Otherwise, why the hell would he bother with this pathetic stuff?

I do believe what comes around goes around.

[drasticpark]

What do you mean, Hissy?