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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

found knickers, not mine!

147 replies

sammerinna · 17/02/2013 09:06

BF returned on Sat' from working on big construction proj' in Middle East. Whilst emptying his sports bag this morning. I was surprised that all clothes within were freshly washed, not folded, but clean. Also within were a pair of flimsy, pink knickers, clean, and way to small to be mine or for me. He had to go away again this morning for a meeting and is back tomorrow eve'. Haven't confronted him yet. He does have a lot of laddish mates out there. I don't know I'm clutching at straws here.. help! advice please!!!

OP posts:
BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 01:41

Men wouldn't be arsed to find pants to plant in a bag but looks like shit to me.

Selba · 18/02/2013 02:32

It's not so much the communal sundry that baffles me ( although the idea it will never get done unless OP does it is a whole other story) it the unpacking of your partner's travel stuff.

BelindaCarlisle · 18/02/2013 02:36

I know. Once had a thread on this. Doormat women imo

AhCmonSeriouslyNow · 18/02/2013 03:44

This thread isn't about who unpacks or washes what and making it about that is really unhelpful.

Sammerinna - from all the stuff you've said, I would say laundry mix up.
Hope you're feeling ok.

30ish · 18/02/2013 07:25

I once came home from a hotel with someone else's knickers - they must have been lurking in the drawer when I unpacked and then I must have grabbed them when packing to come home. It happens.

Re: washing - you lot must have the highest water and electricity bills! We just chip in, one of us puts the washing in, whoever notices it's finished pops it in the dryer, one of us folds and puts it away. No problems. Rather simple!

nellyjelly · 18/02/2013 07:35

So... What did he say op?

Lostonthemoors · 18/02/2013 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

carmenelectra · 18/02/2013 07:48

I must admit I have lol a bit over the idea that women who unpack dh or dp bag as a doormat. Hardly. Its not like my dp would throw a bag in hall with no intention of moving it which he sits and cracks open a beer.as I said, the only time he has bags is after a hol where there would be loads of mixed up clothes etc.

I agree too, that some people must have massive electricity bills for individual laundry! It must be all about proving a point that its not 'womens work'.I mainly do the washing but dp does sometimes chuck a wash on and does get it out and hang it out or put in dryer. I never mow the lawn or climb on big ladder up the loft or use a drill. What does that say about me?

Anyway sorry op this is not helpful at all and I'm as bad a s the posters who have turned this into a row about household chores.

I was joking about knickers on the head too. I would be furious about finding them. It wouldn't be a laughing matter.

Original poster
sammerinna · 18/02/2013 08:00

Re: Doormat, I work part-time, mostly from home. He's out from 5.30-7pm daily. Or he's abroad. I could tell him to do his half of laundry, mine and our 2 girls' couldn't I?. Housework etc. Though he's putting on a new roof to the house in the spring and I'm a bit worried he'd say 'Alright then, I'll all do the slating you can do the lead work darlin''.. Think what you like about me - it's my fault for growing up in a Fairy liquid commercial I suppose.
No developments on 'Knickergate' yet. He's back tonight around 11. It has to be in person. Not certain on the approach I'll take. HOpe it's nothing. What if he has no idea? Thinking out loud - Sorry must fly..

OP posts:
verytellytubby · 18/02/2013 08:28

Sounds like a laundry mix up.

Helltotheno · 18/02/2013 10:06

I agree too, that some people must have massive electricity bills for individual laundry!

Eh.. I said individual laundry bags not individual washes! Also, the fact that I think it most odd to be unpacking another adult's bag doesn't at all mean i think anyone who does that on a regular basis is a doormat.
The mixed tasks thing isn't a principle by the way, it's just the way things are for us.

Anyway let's focus on the job at hand, which is pink knickers iirc....

VenusRising · 18/02/2013 10:16

They're probably the Phillapina maid's, either that or a child's: don't know which is worse actually.

Sorry to break it to you, but a lot goes on when the cat's away. I have a lot of friends who work in the Middle and Far east extra marital sex is always on the menu when the wives and kids are away.

Listen to your gut this evening and good luck. Hope it's just a laugh from the mates gone wrong, or a laundry mix up.

Listen carefully to what he has to say.

MadAboutHotChoc · 18/02/2013 10:32

Let him do all the talking. Don't offer explanations or fill in the silences.

Locketjuice · 18/02/2013 10:37

:( whatever the reason behind it which obviously no one can say, it could be from one extreme to the other, I hope you get the truth and as for all the comments about doing his washing etc, I do all my other halfs and all the housework and 90% of the baby 'work' he works I do the house... Works for us! Smile

Locketjuice · 18/02/2013 10:40

I would wait until he was back and say 'nice to know what you have been doing whilst away' watch his reactions and then pull the knickers out his face will surely be a huge give away one way or the other... Hopefully

Buzzardbird · 18/02/2013 11:02

His face will give you the answer. I hope it's confusion you see.

You seem very level headed OP, either way you don't sound like a doormat to me.

HerbyVore · 18/02/2013 11:16

I would approach it about the clean clothes first, not mention the underwear.

See what he says about that.

I think the fact that they are clean (thank heavens) probably means a Laundry mix-up.

I love how doing the washing = doormat, btw - lovely! Grin

DH and I have separate laundry bins but that's because his clothes get dirtier than mine so generally need a longer wash.

I still do all the washing though.

drizzlecake · 18/02/2013 13:09

Quite often companies have properties that the overseas worker stays in so he would be in a house not a hotel.
I would query why a female 'maid' or similar would leave her pants in his stuff. Really not in her interests, DH isn't going to propose on his next visit and if she is making money from expat workers she will want that money to continue, not cause ructions in worker's life so he may not return.
But also think 'maids' don't get their washing done by someone else, too expensive.
So prob a joke by his mates but you will know by his expression - make sure you are not going to be interrupted when you show him the pants, you need to see his expression and don't want any distractions he can hide his feelings with. And let him do thetakling - not you.

MTBMummy · 18/02/2013 13:20

I wish people would stop going on at the OP about doing all the laundry - what is the big deal? MY DP does all the laundry, and shock horror he's a man!

Matildaduck · 18/02/2013 13:21

I do all the washing, all the cleaning, cooking, change all of the beds....etc etc.

I'm not a doormat.

My husband does all the diy, fixes stuff, organises insurance, providers etc. He also earns all the money.

I want for nothing, live in a huge house. I can assure you if i worked he would not be as successful as he is. Our lives would be more stressfull.

It's a division of labour, people have their own way of working it out! Marriage is not about being petty, it's not a house share ffs.

garlicbreeze · 18/02/2013 13:21

Now I've caught up with your post about his friend's wife, OP, I think it's a laundry error. I'm so glad you spoke to her, well done!

Of course there could have been a pair of pants tucked inside one of the ribs in a tumble dryer, in a washing machine or left on a folding bench. I find unexpected things in my laundry at home - and I live alone Grin (That is, they're mine but I didn't knowingly put them in that wash and haven't noticed they were lost!)

I kind of like the idea of wearing them on your head, too Wink I guess it depends what kind of relationship you have - but the look on his face will probably tell you a lot.

ThePinkOcelot · 18/02/2013 13:28

So those of us who do housework and the washing etc are doormats?! I don't think so. IMO its just as easy to put everyone's washing in in one go, rather than sorting out DHs separately and leaving it for him to do! I find it weird that some wives don't do their hubbies washing!

LollyPop87 · 18/02/2013 13:40

I'd try not to worry too much about this OP, I think there is an innocent explanation.

It sounds like he has stayed somewhere where a hotel maid has done the washing, and the underwear has got mixed up somewhere along the line (maybe they had been left in the washing machine by the previous user by mistake, or they got put in the wrong pile, something like that could easily happen).

Any other explanation just seems way too far fetched. I just think it is so unlikely that a woman is going to sleep with your husband and then do his washing! I don't see why someone would even think to do that.

If they were not clean, I can see how it would be suspicious. Since they are clean, it really does sound like a laundry mix up. Since they are a size 8, I imagine they are fairly small, which makes it even more likely they could be put in the wrong pile without someone noticing.

Hope you're ok OP, do speak to him if you're worried, like others have said you will be able to tell by his reaction.

But I honestly don't think you have anything to worry about :)

middleagedspread · 18/02/2013 13:41

I'm sure it's a laundry mix up.
If he was having a torrid affair with someone who wore size 8 pink pants, why would they be clean & in his laundry? Surely she'd need them to go home.

Helltotheno · 18/02/2013 14:02

I'm going with a) mates did it for a laff, or b) OP's dh used a regular laundry service and said knicks got caught up with his stuff accidentally.

No other explanation except one you don't want to hear seems feasible....

live in a huge house... relevant to the laundry debate or indeed the knicker debate how exactly MatildaDuck?