found knickers, not mine!

[sammerinna]

BF returned on Sat' from working on big construction proj' in Middle East. Whilst emptying his sports bag this morning. I was surprised that all clothes within were freshly washed, not folded, but clean. Also within were a pair of flimsy, pink knickers, clean, and way to small to be mine or for me. He had to go away again this morning for a meeting and is back tomorrow eve'. Haven't confronted him yet. He does have a lot of laddish mates out there. I don't know I'm clutching at straws here.. help! advice please!!!

[sammerinna]

Thank you so much everyone for the advice. It really has helped. Like I said earlier the thing that has got me is that they're so small and pretty - pretty. Couldn't be huge hattie Jaques numbers could they? They were kind of down the inside side of his bag, amid all his stuff, t-shirts, shorts, socks all of which are white. Pink Knick's stood out. They might have been stuffed in there by some daft twat thinking causing distress to someones partner is funny.

[AnyFucker]

I always have a little chuckle when people get a not-so-stealthy boast wedged into a thread

[garlicbreeze]

I live in a tiny house but my knickers are size 14-16 [helpful]

[GrendelsMum]

Well, for what it's worth my husband's colleague just mailed him to let him know that she had got what she guessed must be one of my socks.

(He had scooped up my sock with his, gone to stay in the company-owned accommodation, left the sock because he "didn't recognise it", she had picked it up thinking it was hers, took a closer look at it and realised that someone probably wanted their lost BRAND NEW CASHMERE BEDSOCK back and it was worth trying to track down the owner. And I was very grateful.)

So based on that I think it's a laundry mix-up.

[badinage]

Trust me if you knew what I'd heard about Hattie Jaques, you wouldn't want to be anywhere near her knickers......brain bleach required

[VenusRising]

Well, a male sock I could imagine would get mixed up, but if all the mates were working on the same job, and staying in the same apartment, I just cant see where the tiny girls' knickers come into it, unless someone in the apartment is getting off with the maid.

Sorry OP, but it sounds like there's more to this than meets the eye. As I said, a lot of my x colleagues travel around the Middle East and Far East, and there's a lot of extra marital activity.

[Lavenderhoney]

What's this about matron? ( Hattie Jacques) :)

Op, I hope it's a laundry mix up. I had my laundry done in the ME and my laundry was all beautifully tagged and ironed, even the small boys pants that somehow found their way in.

What did he say? Have you asked him yet?

[garlicbreeze]

There's something of an obsession with maids on this thread, isn't there? Do several of you have hairy hands, by any chance?

OP said: There are quite a few nurses, nannies, secretaries out there who drink with and get off with married men in the private drinking clubs. It doesn't seem necessary to - er spank the maid (literary reference, honest!) as there's plenty of emancipated opportunity for those who want it.

OP also said: He stayed in an apartment complex. Not "an apartment", an apartment in a group of apartments. With laundry service on alternate days, clearly it's being washed in a collective facility.

Blimey. It's refreshing to be on the side of 'innocent until proved guilty' for a change

[sammerinna]

He's not back 'till late tonight. I'll be snoring prob'. Showdown in morning - kids permitting.. Will throw mystery knickers at him then.

[AnyFucker]

garlic the constant reference to "maids" is marginally better than the term "hotel tarts" used further upthread

[NcNcNcNc]

My DH, does all the washing/cleaning/cooking etc he's male. We live in an average size house

op - know you're upset and scared but calling women 'tarts' is not good. Look at your own thoughts behind this, these women didn't take the vows did they so why are they 'tarts'? Are they 'preying' on married men who just can't help themselves ??? think about it

[DrHolmes]

My ex bf was an engineer and was often away on the road for weeks/months at a time. I also found some nice lacey pants once and was 100% sure they were not mine. After days of arguing he had me believing they were mine and ended up questioning myself if I was going mad.
I also saw him google mapping an address and it showed an area with a river. I asked what he was looking for and he said someone was selling a bicycle and was googling the persons address to find out how far it was.
A few weeks later he told me he had to go to England (I live in scotland) for a meeting and was driving down that night, would go to the meeting then drive back that same day. I thought that was all pretty weird as it was a long drive and he was supposed to have gone offshore that day when it got cancelled last minute so thought it was strange he was suddenly driving to England to attend an hours meeting! just to drive straight back again! At about 7pm i got a call from him saying his engine had exploded and needed to sort out help for him etc and when i asked where he was he was only a couple of hours down the road on some weird country road. Again, i thought that was strange as if he was driving to England he'd surely be driving the main roads? Fast forward a few months when he went to Amerca for 2 months. I found a dollar note with a phone number on it written in green writing (to be disguised by the dollar colour) and a post code written on it. I looked up the post code and it was that of the address with the river. I then searched our room, found his sat nav in his offshore bag, looked up the history found the post code had been driven to on the night he said he was going to England and it turned out to be the address of his ex girlfriend!

From then on I checked everything each time he left and again i found a five pound note with a phone number written on it. I called it but didnt work as it was a digit short. This time it was his friend playing a joke on me...lovely.

Other times i'd call him for a chat and ask what he was up to he'd always say in his room or having a meal then going to bed. "Oh good" i thought to myself, hes not out playing away. Wrong. I looked up all the big clubs websites of the cities he was in and on many occasions found pics of him with other girls. Fucker. He thought he wouldn't get caught but I was too clever. If a little silly for staying longer than i should have!

I'd say he's cheated. But thats just my experience.
If i were you i wouldnt mention the washing being clean and then ask about the knickers because he will automatically blame the hotel for the mix up.

I'd plant them somewhere. Or even just put all his clothes back into his bag for him to sort out. If he takes them out and is like "who's are these?" and is open about it you are safe. If he hides them, well...
Good luck!

[DrHolmes]

Sorry that was so long!

[ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm]

Many years ago, staying overnight for a conference. Got to room, settled in, realised it was a non smoker. Asked to be moved, got to new room, all ok. Went to check out,next morning - " Mr Thing, you left your dressing gown in the first room, here it is".
Shoved it in my case then and there, took it out at home, hung it on't hook in bedroom, DW decided to pop it in the wash. Found the post it note in the pocket with the name,room number of the WOMAN who had handed into reception when she found it in my "old" room.

Eyebrows were raised.

These things CAN happen.............

[garlicbreeze]

What, she fancied you because of your dressing gown??! indeed
What was it, hand-made and signed by Lanvin himself?

Or had you sprayed it all over with Lynx?

[badinage]

Yes Things, but do you unpack your own case after trips and do you like Sid James and Kenneth Williams?

[ThingsThatMakeYouGoHmmmmmmmmm]

Hotel had taken a note of her name/room number when she handed it in - some sort of lost property thing. Pinned post it to inside of my pocket.

Always unpack own bag. Always drenched in Lynx.

Does all sound a bit Carry On, doesn't it.

[garlicbreeze]

Oo-er, you've made me titter!

[Damash12]

So do we have an update?? I've still got visions of him coming home and finding do with a pair of pretty pink pants round her ears... Really have me a chuckle and post 4 weeks pregnant that is not too good ...must do more exercise...:-)

[dragonflymama]

I'm a bit confused....surely if the hotel had laundered the clothes, they would also be folded and your dp would then have just lifted them into the bag? I would confront him in person ASAP and gauge his reaction....hope there's a good explanation.

[CuriousMama]

I hope he's innocent. Must be so hard for you knowing what goes on over there?

[KoalaCakes]

Jeez, ive just read this entire thread due to insomnia. I didn't even realise it was 'live'. Need Knickergate answers! I seriously hope he's not cheated...

[sammerinna]

Firstly - NcNcNcNc.. Thanks for refereeing. Never mind fact that I did correct myself after using offending term. Worried and sick with upset. Still...glad you're watching.

Ok, so he was about to go back to bed this morning when I produced the drawers and said "What the f were these doing in your bag?" and nothing else. He frowned and quietly laughed, said he hadn't a clue. Mix up in laundry. No idea... Offered no other excuse, nothing, just miffed at the accusation, told me not to be daft... Long pause - I asked if there were women at the apartment complex. He said he didn't think so. Asked if mates did it. He said no, why the f would they do that, it isn't funny! I asked if he'd shagged someone out there, he got annoyed. I asked again angrier, he grew angrier, denied.

I took off in the car. Went to Sis' house. He called, told me I was mad, and that he's had plenty of offers but never cheated. I hung up, and was blubbing when mobile went again, I didn't answer. It was mates wife, she left a message. Called her - turns out her bloke had several pairs of frilly drawers stuffed in his travel bag out there by 'mates' once, a few years ago.. She only just twigged why I wanted to know about washing routine out there yesterday.

I don't know what to think. I offered him a couple of loopholes. Mates pissing about. Woman staying at apt complex. He didn't take either. He says he doesn't know. I'm going to do a little more digging I've a couple of ideas. back soon. x

[fluffyraggies]

What's your gut feeling sam?

I would be the same as you in your position and be a blatant confronter. I couldn't play games, hiding the knickers again, or snooping (nothing wrong with it it's just not my style).

The thing with this way of handling it is that all you have to go on is his reaction there and then.

Really truly - how do you feel?
Did he seem innocent?

You know him best.

[Loika]

This sounds like hotel laundry mix up. His clothes have never come back clean before and he sounds upset at your accusation. When men want an affair or a quick fling its because something is missing at home. You already do all the washing at home so he is hardly going to go with someone who will wash his clothes!! (Dirty knickers are more of a concern!)
Most of these frilly knickers are synthetic fabrics and cling to anything with static, look like bunting as they come out of the dryer! It looks like he was in a rush to pack so stuffed the suitcase with the clean washing once it got back to his room or had a made rummage for something. He is unlikely to know how they got there (mates/hotel laundry etc) and you have worked yourself up so any excuse he comes up with will sound false.

Please be careful. You could kill your relationship over nothing. I know a man who allowed his suspision and paranoia to drive away his loving wife into the arms of the man who he thought she was carrying on with. My OH is that man, he says they had been accused of having an affair so often and so strongly that when she left her husband, they did become an item but both felt they had been pushed into it.
If you don't trust him, that is another issue but don't let yourself get carried away imagining all sorts of things, be cool and logical about it. However, every relationship is differant and only the two of you know what is going on, so i apologise if I am wrong but thought I would offer my POV.