found knickers, not mine!

[sammerinna]

BF returned on Sat' from working on big construction proj' in Middle East. Whilst emptying his sports bag this morning. I was surprised that all clothes within were freshly washed, not folded, but clean. Also within were a pair of flimsy, pink knickers, clean, and way to small to be mine or for me. He had to go away again this morning for a meeting and is back tomorrow eve'. Haven't confronted him yet. He does have a lot of laddish mates out there. I don't know I'm clutching at straws here.. help! advice please!!!

[sammerinna]

Yes good theory. Something like that occurred to me too. I know for a fact there are plenty of hotel tarts out there. Size 8's!!! That's what I hate about this. I couldn't wear them as an ankle bracelet. Why couldn't they be huge??

[sammerinna]

sorry for repeat post. new here!

[AnyFucker]

"hotel tarts"

what are they ?

Do you mean his "mates" use prostituted women out there ?

Do you trust your husband not to fall into the same practice ?

[sammerinna]

By Hotel tarts I mean there are quite a few nurses, nannies, secretaries out there who drink with and get off with married men in the private drinking clubs. Often they end up in hotels and apartment complexes, and no doubt knickerless in the morning.. I know, I know, they're not all tarts and they don't all cop off with married men and I'm sorry for generalising. .. It fucking hurts not knowing.

I do trust him, But if he did fuck around how would I know? He took part in a documentary about building the Shard. The company got loads of emails and letters from women wanting his contact details. A production assistant I got to know quite well told me this, needless to say I never told him...

[sammerinna]

BTW he stayed in an apartment complex. I just spoke to his mates wife. She said hers came back with mostly clean washing too. She's gonna enquire as to the laundry regime and let me know.

[Foggles]

Tumble dryer plus static can mean items are left behind / attached to the next customers.

[ImperialBlether]

Do they have a cleaner in the apartment? A housekeeper?

Is your husband the sort of person who thinks what happens on tour, stays on tour? Does he tell you about his friends going with women over there?

[sammerinna]

Yes he tells me all (I think). Flabbergasting some of it. His mate's wife told me as far as she can tell. they leave washing in baskets in room and every other day its picked up, brought back clean, folded and put back on the wardrobe floor. Her's, like mine, don't bother putting clothes away, as that would mean lifting them up and placing them in drawer, so that aint gonna happen! They just put stuff back on.

[ImperialBlether]

Did you tell this woman about the knickers? Does she know about the women who hover around these men?

[sammerinna]

No I don't think he thinks that way. He's fallen out with a couple of mates who've had affairs whilst 'on tour'.

[Pancakeflipper]

I think it's a laundry cock-up and out there is a size 8 lady looking at a pair of underpants trying to explain to her partner how the hell they ended up in her luggage.

[sammerinna]

No I din't mention Knickers. I kept it in the general enquiry category. Just in case she tells her bloke and he tips him off somehow.

[lolaflores]

Stuff a pair of "strange" mens undercrackers into his bag for the flight out. See what happens?

[Damash12]

Well... Erm... I'm agreeing with Selba, Pmsl! I think you'll get the answer you want if you did that, just one look on his face will tell you. Look, my husband worked away and never....ever did a pair clean or otherwise pants turn up in his bag at the end of the week...EVER! Sorry to say Hun but I think a long chat will be in order. Good luck, please keep us updated as I'm very interested in his response.

[sammerinna]

Yes she knows about the hovering women. I don't know her that well but she seemed quite philosophical about the risk of letting them loose over there.

[Foggles]

It doesn't matter how much women hover if you trust your partner.

[sammerinna]

this'llll be my angle . Many thanks.

[carmenelectra]

OP I'm sure laundry does get mixed up occasionally in these situations but what bad luck it had to be tiny knickers. Now I'm a suspicious cow, I admit, but knickers? Not an odd sock, hanky or pair of boxers? Hmmm. I go with the poster who said put them on your head when you next greet him and watch his face.

Judging by what you are saying about his mates and the set up, I'd be highly suspicious. I'd be thinking along the lines that a woman/ women were there regularly, leading to lost knickers that got washed or spare clean ones!

Hope its an innocent explanation OP though.

As an aside, it amazes me the posters who jump in with irrelevant comments like 'why are you doing his laundry, tidying his bag?'

My dp doesn't work away(thank god) but if we all have been away, I empty all bags and suitcases. Not because he wouldn't but because I like clearing the clutter. Similarily I do the washing. I'm also amazed at the separate laundry basket situation! Jesus what a faff. I teach my kids to tidy up etc too but they can do that with one family wash basketsm

I think some women wouldn't do 'gender specific' stuff if their life depended on it. Me, I'm not proud. I'd rather do the washing while dp mows the lawns or puts up a shelf. Sorry but I don't want to break a nail :) who cares. So long as you all chip in?

[Helltotheno]

I think some women wouldn't do 'gender specific' stuff if their life depended on it.

We each do everything, diy, cooking, the lot. Laundry is different tho.. if we want to know where each of our clothes are at any given time, best to take ownership of that (not separate washes you understand).
Separate laundry bags OTOH, an absolute winner. That way, each person puts their own stuff into the wash so that job isn't always on the slave just one person.
Unpacking another adult's suitcase/bag? Don't get it and never will so colour me weird.

Sorry for the derail OP, what's the latest update on Knickergate? Did the direct approach work?

[badinage]

We don't have 'gender specific' tasks in our house either and ever since the kids were small, they unpacked their own cases when coming back from school trips or camps. So to me it's unthinkable that an adult man would leave one lying around 'cluttering up the place' and never did washing. As unthinkable as me never using a power drill or a lawnmower.

Mind you, I've never thought of women as 'tarts' either or feared that any partner would buckle against the onslaught of a horde of predatory women, so maybe there's a link there somewhere .

[ithasgonetotheopera]

God never mention laundry on mumsnet..

What I don't get about the separate laundry piles is that it seems so inefficient unless you each have a massive wardrobe, surely these people aren't filling the washing machine? We only split our washes into lights and darks but its still more efficient to pool our dirty clothes?

Wish I had advice for the op but I don't, I wouldn't put all your cards on the table though, play it by ear, ask something more general and bring the knickers in later on.. hope it is the laundry service :(

[ledkr]

Washing goes in basket. One of us puts some on. Later one if us notices its finished and hangs it to dry/ put in drier.
When dry one if us folds it a dumps it outside re"
Relevant rooms.
That's normal isn't it?
Any need op?

[squeakytoy]

A small pair of knickers is easily mixed up in a tumble dryer or with other laundry.. I wouldnt jump to too many conclusions.

[deleted203]

@ Selba. I love the idea of wearing them on your head when he walks in the door!

I have to say that my initial thought is that whoever he was shacked up with has done his laundry and then deliberately put a pair of her own knickers in there as a smug way of leaving her mark.

I hope it's not, though.

[ImperialBlether]

Sorry but that idea of putting them on your head really belittles the situation and makes it seem as though you're joking. It might be the sort of thing you'd do (I wouldn't) if your teenage son came home from university with some knickers in his bag, but not your husband who's been working away in an area where flings are rife.