Here we go again. Dating thread 42

[VoiceofUnreason]

Evening all. As you were.

Velvet I think you are handling this beautifully. Early stages of relationships/dating can be so weird. I would definitely have a word about contact when you see him, as you already mentioned you want to do. Hopefully he will turn out to be worth your patience, I mean, don't wait forever or anything but I really hope he just needs another little nudge like the time you broached seeing each other a little bit more

Evening all - Is there such a thing as too much contact before a first date? I've just spent another 45 mins on the phone with Mr A for the third night running after initially chatting online on Sunday ??

God velvet so sorry please forgive me v unthoughtfull sorry sorry xx

Bun when are you meeting him? I'd just be a bit cautious not to build things up too much before you meet, as it can be disappointing if there's no spark and more so if you've invested a lot of time, energy or emotion. Meeting up ASAP is a good tactic.

lucky no need to apologise!

the answer I think is that it's what you feel comfortable with...all I would say is that the ones who are very full on before a date can sometimes be the ones who blow very hot and cold, so beforehand you hear from them loads, then nothing as soon as you've met them (because it's all about the chase). That's not to say MrA will be one of those - time will tell, in the meantime, if you're happy with the level of contact then just enjoy it :) what will be will be.

I hope Cuthbert gets the hint and gets his arse into gear, Velvet.

I'm supposed to be talking to Weird Coincidence Man on the phone, I just don't want to at all - I hate speaking to strangers. He called before, while I was in the bath. I suppose I'm going to have to man up and contact him. Pah.

Meeting him on Tuesday - wish it was sooner but I have other commitments.

Weekend sounds good velv good to keep busy/have alternatives.

I haven't arranged another date with nameless as yet. I kind of suspose it will happen. If not I have hot-date planned for Friday with local Labour Party bod who is trying to get me to rejoin the party. I think he's in his sixties(!) Saturday,I will devote to knitting, books and some wine on my own...Sunday laundry & prep for return to school for the kids. All of that can easily be rearranged to accommodate nameless...but I'd like to arrange stuff sooner than that too. I'd like to know where I am and arrange next-stuff together when we're together rather than waiting a few days with raging hormones making me daft(!) it is daft, because it should be nice and easy, but I think I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop . I think what I'm saying here velv is it's not unusual to feel a bit 'weird' about things when it's early days or contact isn't forthcoming (unless we're both weird...which is possible I guess...) because of being single for so long and meeting lots of wrong people....so when there's a smidge of a chance that it might work out, there's an investment.

Anyway. Hand holding and reminding you you're a young jackie Collins!

Hoping nomore is having a good evening. :)

velvet u are sweet. But yes - noted may be a bit full on so soon but we honestly just seem to get on so well. I honestly don't think I've spoken to anyone that long that regularly before

Nora why do you have to talk to him on the phone? If you don't want to then don't. I wouldn't have! It can feel very awkward especially as there are no visual clues. Either text or meeting in person are fine with me, but phone calls with a stranger are hard. How Mercury and people manage to Skype with them I'll never know. Am aiming to die a Skype virgin.

Western only one has offered for Saturday, so probably him. Or I might not go at all, if I start to get any hints he's expecting sex I won't bother, I can cope with a night of conversation but not of having to fend off someone's advances (if that makes sense!)

Thanks Lubey for saying that. I know I am a bit rubbish with all this stuff so am quite you think I'm handling it well. Really hope all is well with you, have been thinking of you the last few days.

Kin I really hope C does too.

Re WeirdCoincidence man, do you have to speak to him? I hate the phone thing, and avoid whereever possible!

God, I'm glad you've said that, Velvet, I always feel like such a knobber, especially considering I talk to strangers all the time at work. He wanted to talk on the phone to establish if we had a 'spark' - I said that it made me feel awkward and he might not get much conversation out of me. I'm thinking that a relationship in which he ignores what I want in the very first instance is possibly a non-starter.

And for what it's worth, I never think you sound as though you're 'rubbish' at the relationship handling stuff, I reckon you're handling Cuthbert with laudable patience.

I have never Skyped. I don't much like phones - Mr Nice and I have had a few phone conversations in the past 10 months and generally for specific reasons rather than just a chat. We do quite a bit of texting and imessaging though.

Children's rooms coming along well especially DSs. He was very proud of his endeavours I think :) DDs needs more work but her bed has now been moved (easier to do DSs as more room to shift things round in). Am hoping desks on Saturday help to make things very good :)

I seem to be seeing Mr Nices DS fairly often now - he's quite often there when I drop in. He's nearly 18 and sometimes there's part of me wondering if Mr Nice minds the fact that mine are only 9 and 7 and that if he does stick around with me that I come with two dependent children for quite a while. He's seen less of them, but everyone seems OK together. I suppose I'm aware that in the last year or so they've been getting to know XHs girlfriend and her DC and I don't want to rush anything. Would quite like the different parts of my life to co incide a little more though.

That was rather a lot of waffle from me there

OWW, I'm glad you feel like that too. He seems terribly go-getting, thrusting, private sector-y and I have a horrible feeling that it would be like being interviewed for the post of girlfriend.

This is just how Snow Leopard behaved (like Cuthbert I mean) - booked a day well in advance, then left to the last minute to make actual arrangements, despite my telling him that I had another commitment on the day and would like advance notice of timings so I could move it if necessary. Then he was very anxious to impress upon me that he only had a 'half-hour window'. If he was so short of time you'd think he'd plan things further in advance. I put up with it because I had something difficult to say and couldn't face leaving it until after Christmas, but I wasn't impressed. I only make last-minute arrangements with very longstanding platonic friends.

Kin I agree with Velvet and OWW, you don't have to talk to him if you don't want to. If you don't feel comfortable calling a stranger (and I wouldn't) say so - if he complains, that tells you everything about his respect for your boundaries.

Thanks everyone, I think I shall just give him up as a bad job.

Hi all

Lucky one of my colleagues tried OD a few years back, he said that sometimes you can email/chat too much before a date and talk yourself out of it or talk yourself into a bad match.
The wisdom on here says you should meet for a preliminary coffee/drink before you arrange a full on 'date'.
I haven't done it but this seems like good advice and if you are wondering whether you've been talking too long it's probably time for that coffee - good luck and let us know how it goes.

Snape thanks for the hand, holding yours back too :) I will be out in false eyelashes and big hair tomorrow night channelling my inner Jackie C, and trying not to dwell on the continuing absence of texts!

Kin a large part of my old job (not so much in my current role) was speaking on the phone, long detailed conversations with clients, negotiating with other lawyers, speaking to getting told off by judges, I can do all that, but I hate forced pre-date convos. Just make me feel ill and stressed, feel a bit like I am being interviewed (I hate interviews) or auditioning (likewise). Tell him he can meet you for a coffee and find out then if there's a spark!

Eeeeeeeekkkkk - ok have just arranged to do Sunday arvo as neither of us want to wait to Tuesday ..... now feel sick! Where to go, what to do - he lives 50 miles away - he's coming to my neck of the woods arrrrrrrrgh

I am just back from a very pleasant evening with Mr V. No massive spark, but he was good company and I could fancy him given time. We met for coffee, he asked if I'd like dinner so I did. Not sure if we will meet again but I will if he asks. The not contacting me was apparently because after I'd agreed to meet he didn't want to pester me for a specific time and date. Glad I brought it up.

Lucky I would stick with the coffee, you can always prolong the date if you really get on. If it's going to die on the vine because you don't have chemistry in person (hope not) you'll be glad you didn't organise something longer like a meal.

If there are no coffee shops anywhere near you maybe there's a historic house type place which has a café open on weekends?

Juliette if you had dinner as well as coffee it sounds hopeful, keeping everything crossed for you.
What will you call him?

Had called him Mr V, think he will now be MM.

Well. I was right. I had a premonition that Sugar Daddy was going to called things off and he has. He asked to meet me this evening so we met up at his house. He told me that now that the 'whirlwind' of our first few weeks together has worn off he has been thinking a lot about our relationship he has come to the conclusion that there is no special bond for him. He doesn't truly have feelings for me.

Shame - as it was largely him that rushed me off my feet when we first met and I had really started to feel comfortable with him, and really cared for him

Now I feel devastated again. He had started to become a bigger part of my life, spending nights with him when my son was at his dads, introducing him to my friends.

Life has gone back to being crap all over again

Poppy I am so sorry to hear this I remember him chasing you, it was all him. He really, truly doesn't deserve you. Life might feel crap right now, it really isn't you are still you and just as lovely as ever. It's tough I know, but this is a glitch, you did have a good time with him and he did serve a purpose for a while but if he can't see what we can see, then off to the far side for him.

So be kind to yourself and hugs