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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

bunny boiler !!!!

30 replies

steppyhen · 15/02/2013 21:45

Dh and I have been married a year.
Dh has as son age 3 who on the only day of the week I finish early I pick him up from nursery.
We recently got a puppy. Dh has nagged and nagged saying I must take it to puppy training, so found one on the night I pick dss up from nursery bear in mind he finishes at 3 and the class starts at 6.
Anyways I said I was going and that I would take dss with me but dh said no its too late for him. Dh has a routine of going to the gym on a Thursday night, so I said maybe he could finish 15 mins early at gym to get back to let be go to the class , well it was like I was asking the impossible . I got called a bunny boiler, he said im not happy , we need to talk wtf is going on with him!
today got an unexpected bill he has just hit the roof, saying he works constantly and gets no where ! Will this ever get better ? I feel like im not god enough ! We both work long hours and money isn't tight! I don't see the problem he's been getting so worked up about the littlest things. I'm bed in tears because im fed up. I give everything to him and dss i don't think he relises that :(
Sorry for rant just needed to let it out.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 15/02/2013 21:53

So, are you just ranting ...or are you ready to hear some home truths about your relationship ?

Original poster
steppyhen · 15/02/2013 21:54

Maybe I need to hear it ?

OP posts:
DameFanny · 15/02/2013 21:56

I can guess what AF will say and she'll say it better than me

AnyFucker · 15/02/2013 21:57

Steppy said it all herself, in her opening post. Love, if you read about someone else being treated like that....what would you think ?

Original poster
steppyhen · 15/02/2013 22:05

That i shouldn't be treated like that!

OP posts:
Branleuse · 15/02/2013 22:07

is he always that cunty?

AnyFucker · 15/02/2013 22:07

No, you really shouldn't

and your partner's anger and cries of "bunny boiler" are probably to cover up the fact he is up to no good, and you are spoiling his fun

GinAndT0nic · 15/02/2013 23:38

You're married to him. What a ridiculous statement, to call your wife a bunny boiler. In that context, what does it even mean???? that you don't want to traipse around picking up his son and dropping off the puppy he wanted you to get on your own!

He seems to have a sense of entitlement, to more money, more free time? more favours being done for him!

to be honest, and maybe i'm being too harsh here, when I read that you've been married for a YEAR to a man who has a THREE year old son with some body else, I did a quick calculation that when he met you his son couldn't have been older than a year???? from one poor woman to the next poor woman??

GinAndT0nic · 15/02/2013 23:41

Tell him that from now on, on your one free afternoon of the week, YOU will be going to the gym. And the puppy, he wanted it. He can have the pleasure of overseeing the puppy's training.

Is he worth it though? Did you marry quite quickly after meeting?

pollyblue · 15/02/2013 23:44

I'm going to echo Gin - what on earth does he mean by that?

So he spat his dummy out because you asked him to miss 15 minutes of his gym time so he can care for his son while you take the puppy to a training class?

Personally i think you need to start hitting the roof too, because he is treating you like the hired help, not his partner.

pictish · 15/02/2013 23:45

Dearie me. Well...it's not good is it?

Cornflowerdreams · 16/02/2013 07:55

OP. your husband's reaction is so out of proportion considering the situation. To call someone a "bunny boiler" because you ask him to finish the gym 15 earlier and be involved in an activity that ultimately benefits his son is very disconcerting.

Obviously, he's the one who has serious issues and is projecting that into you.

People can be very hurtful in relationships and say things that are not fair and inappropriate to get the other half to react or to cause grief. I wouldn't worry too much if it's just a one off, though you should demand an apology.

If this behaviour keeps repeating itself in future, you might fall into a pattern of dysfunctionality that will put your marriage at risk.

You should cut this behaviour at the root. You've only been married for a year so there's plenty you can still do. Please talk to him, tell him how inappropriate he was, and that you will not have someone treating you like that for the rest of your life.

He should appreciate what you're doing for his son. Not many people out there are willing to spend and effort their time on other people's children. That's something he should be extremely grateful of.

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 16/02/2013 08:10

Don't put up with this bloody ridiculous nonsense from him. If you do put up with it, then this will be how your marriage will be.

It will be no fun to be in a marriage where you are so unappreciated.

Nip this in the bud, op. or you will live to regret that you didn't.

Pipachi · 16/02/2013 08:24

Not only the lack of respect is worrying. To call you a name like that shows a lack of intelligence. There was absolutly nothing bunny boiler-ish about the situation.

Yes, you should cut this behavior at the root. I'm afraid you can't change the way he is wired.

Walkacrossthesand · 16/02/2013 08:28

Sounds like he roped you in to picking up his DS from nursery so he could bugger off to gym very early on in relationship - did you just accept that, not see why it was unreasonable (it's his contact time with his DS), or did he order you to do it & you complied? I think you need to reflect on how you found yourself in this position re Thursdays, and have a clear picture of how you want things to be, before you talk to him.

Walkacrossthesand · 16/02/2013 08:29

Sorry -strikethrough failure!! Meant so he could bugger off to gym of course

Cherriesarelovely · 16/02/2013 08:51

He is being completely ridiculous. It is great that you are building a relationship with his son but the fact that he gets to go to the gym while you pick his son up is unbelievable. Then there's the puppy......Iwould make a point by refusing to do either so that he gets a clear message about exaxtly what a twat he is being. If he can't see it/wont see it I would question the future of your relationship. He sounds like a very selfish person.

Jemma1111 · 16/02/2013 09:03

He's a selfish control freak who is treating you like shit on his shoe .

Do you want a lifetime of this ? If not then theres only one thing you should be doing .

Set yourself free .

VBisme · 16/02/2013 09:55

He's being an entitled idiot.

But I am worried that you both work long hours and have just got a puppy.

Dolallytats · 16/02/2013 10:03

His reaction is rather extreme considering you offered to take his son with you and it was only at his insistence that it was too late that you asked him to leave the gym a tiny bit early.

I would be wanting to know what was really behind his response.

pictish · 16/02/2013 10:30

It's telling that he tries to wriggle out of his contact time by going to the gym in the first place.
Never mind making a fuss because he has been asked to leave the all important gym 15 minutes early to look after his own son.

He's an arsehole. Good luck!

pictish · 16/02/2013 10:30

Another one interested to know what has provoked such a vitriolic response???

villagegossip · 16/02/2013 13:18

What a selfish arse - he seems to get things on his terms doesn't he? He needs to sacrifice time at the gym in favour of his son and making things easier for you.

forget puppy training at this stage - as long as you teach the basics in the garden/house and allow the pup to be sociable and meet and play with other dogs, you should not have to take time out of your evenings for this if it is causing friction in your relationship.

sorry but I have to ask, why did you get a puppy if you both work long hours?

AnyFucker · 16/02/2013 16:25

I think his choice of insult "bunny boiler" is very telling

"bunny boilers" to some blokes are women who give cheating men a hard time

perhaps not so inappropriate after all ???

pictish · 16/02/2013 16:44

I hadn't thought of it from a cheaty pov.

I thought the term 'bunny boiler' was used, as he wanted to convey that for the OP to expect anything from him other than what he deigns to give, was her being controlling.

To expect him to look after his own son - controlling.
To even dare suggest he might give up 15 minutes of his precious time to make things easier for everyone - controlling.

No - she is to do as he expects, and prioritise his wants...and anything else is controlling. Hence 'bunny boiler'.

He's trying to insult and shame her into going along with arranging things so he is the main priority.
The big turd.