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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

friends, huh?! Long post, sorry

46 replies

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 13:46

My friend snd I have been friends for nearly 7 years. She recently got completely the wrong end of the stick over something I said. As I tend to be a pretty conciliatory soul and don't like conflict (that story belongs in the Stately Homes thread) I very politely explained to her that she'd misunderstood me.

Since then, I've heard nothing from her. She read the message, but hasn't bothered to reply.

She and I have history. She was renting my spare room in London, at such a low amount that it didn't even cover her share of the bills, but she was on a low wage, and I reasoned we were friends, and she'd do the same for me. To cut a bit out, which isn't too relevant, we moved to the East Mids together to get a fresh start as we both disliked London and felt our lives were stagnating. She moved up before me as I was waiting on my house sale. However, she was going to have no money when she moved up as she would have a month to wait for her salary.

After finding her in tears, I gave her £600 from my redundancy money so she would be ok for the first month.

A few months later just before i moved up, i asked her to look after £500 for me so i had a bit of

OP posts:

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 13:53

Crap...I pressed the wrong button!

Anyway, when I moved up, I found out that she had not only spent the £500 which wasn't hers, but that she couldn't afford to pay it back. She'd spent it on going to gigs!

She then watched me sell most of my personal possessions over the next few months so that I could pay the rent til I found a job.

Then, when I met my current DP after only a few months of living here, she was an utter cow to both of us because she was jealous because she had nobody. She told me this much later on.

Yesterday I got a message from her boyfriend trying to invite themselves over for Sunday lunch...is he kidding me? Am I right to be angry about this?

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puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 14/02/2013 13:56

Cut contact. Don't get angry, just get rid.

TheSecretCervixDNCOP · 14/02/2013 13:58

I am that she spent money she was supposed to be looked after on gigs! Fair enough had it been say a bit of food if she was stuck, I'd be miffed but not angry about that. Gigs on the other hand, what was she thinking?

TheSecretCervixDNCOP · 14/02/2013 13:59

Oh yeah and drop her like a stone. Did she ever pay it back?

peeriebear · 14/02/2013 13:59

She sounds an utter wanker.

kalidanger · 14/02/2013 14:07

She's made an enormous effort to be a really shit friend seems like it over and you should be happy the decision is so easy to make. Poor you.

oldwomaninashoe · 14/02/2013 14:13

Can't you be "out" on Sunday? Find an excuse and keep finding them.

Or how about "yes it will be great to see you, especially if you are bringing the £500 you owe", or " can you bring the 500 quid you owe so I can actualy afford to serve up something better than beans on toast"

Whocansay · 14/02/2013 14:39

You don't like conflict?!!! She's used you and stolen your money! And she is absolutely NOT your friend. The only reason she dislikes your boyfriend is that she's afraid you'll see her for what she is.

Tell them you if they don't bring over your money not to come over. Ever.

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 14:40

No, she never paid it back. I set it off against the rent and bills, even though I still had to sell most of my own possessions to cover all the money. After all the financial slack I had cut her, she kept a spreadsheet of every single penny that I "owed" her each month for rent and bills.

Her boyfriend hasn't suggested a date, which is good. I'm very tempted to just say they're not welcome in my house and to ask her if he wants to know why. However, I suspect she has had him make contact to test the waters. Pathetic really. And yes, I agree...get rid is the best option. Although unfortunately one of his friends puts some work my DPs way...

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VitoCorleone · 14/02/2013 14:42

Id be asking for that money back, it wasnt hers to fucking spend. Cheeky fucker

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 14:46

whocansay I kept the peace while it suited me. I didn't have the money, or deposit gor another place (and possibly the world's worst credit rating) so moving out sooner wasn't an option. Therefore avoiding a show down worked to my benefit too.

The giving her the £600 and then her spending the extra £500 of MY money that she was supposed to be looking after were the final straw as far as our friendship went. I guess I just needed to know that being pissed at her fella for him trying to invite themselves over wasn't an over reaction.

Would you guys reply, or just ignore the message as she did to me?

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Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 14:48

Vito I ended up setting it off against rent and bills cos she "couldn't" wait for the dole and housing to get sorted while I looked for a job. Actually...what a bitch!

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kalidanger · 14/02/2013 14:57

DoctorWhoFan It seems clear that the relationship is unsalvageable and if sending something like "yes it will be great to see you, especially if you are bringing the £500 you owe" will make you feel the slightest bit better than go for it.

Ponders · 14/02/2013 15:03

"yes it will be great to see you, but only if you are bringing the £500 you owe"

cow

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 15:06

I agree it's unsalvageable, and to be honest, I've been wanting to cut ties for some time. I just hoped it might be more amicable as over the years we have both been a great support to each other, and also had a lot of fun. It's a pity really, but we started really growing apart when I met my DP and she was a cowbag to us both. Also he's country folk, and she and her DP are very city, so not much in common any more. We have a mutual friend who is aware the friendship has broken down, but I don't want to colour her view of my ex friend as their relationship is more distant and I don't want ex friend to be able to accuse me of bad mouthing her.

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JollyGolightly · 14/02/2013 15:07

I don't understand why you asked her to look after the money, instead of putting it in the bank.

Anyway, she's a shit friend and this has gone on long enough.

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 15:14

Ah, because I was teetering on the verge of bankruptcy and needed to have a little set aside for if things got desperate. She also knew this was the case...and STILL spent it on going out and having a good time.

Awkward thing is, her and her DP have looked after my dog for the last 9 months while I've been trying to find somewhere to live that would accept dogs AND my awful credit rating. She didn't have any dog-related expenses as I paid them all, but feel somehow a bit guilty because of them looking after him for so lonh.

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Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 15:14

Long.., even!

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BalloonSlayer · 14/02/2013 15:27

The DP might be trying to be a peacemaker, he might have genuinely asked to come over off his own bat thinking that the two of you would make up.

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 15:53

But I think it's rude to invite yourself over to someone's house for Sunday lunch. Surely they should have invited us? None of my other friends would have the cheek to invite themselves for Sunday roast, they'd wait to be invited...

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lalalonglegs · 14/02/2013 16:16

From the sound of it, she isn't aware she owes you money, she has kept a log of everything she thinks you owe her .

Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 16:25

And don't worry, I don't financially owe her anything. I feel I owe her for taking care of my stinky old dog, bless him, but other than that, I don't owe her jack.

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Original poster

DoctorWhoFan · 14/02/2013 16:28

I think I'm just going to ignore her partner's message as she did with mine, and I suspect that may well be that. To be honest at the moment I don't have the energy for much else as my antipsych meds have me so drugged that I can hardly put one foot in front if the other. I really don't need any more shit to deal with right now

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Whocansay · 14/02/2013 17:33

I wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty. She's a nasty piece of work and must need a hell of a chiropractor, with that brass neck.

Ask for your money back or ignore altogether.

wheredidiputit · 14/02/2013 17:39

I would text back and say you are not around at the weekend. And if they do turn up on Sunday don't cook or make any lunch for them.

If they say anything just keep repeating that you can not afford to feed them.

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