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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Exh not obtained Decree Absolute

19 replies

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 17:55

Ex left me 18 months ago, and made such an issue that he was filing for divorce on my unreasonable grounds last February, he didn't actually file until August.

Decree Absolute was due January 9th, but he hasn't obtained it so far.

Why not? Has anyone else experienced this?

I know i can obtain it after a length of time, but i'm struggling to manage on what money i have, i don't see me wasting time on a legal piece of paper.

OP posts:

ProphetOfDoom · 10/02/2013 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

izzyizin · 10/02/2013 18:04

Do you have dc? Have all financial matters, division of jointly owned assets, etc, been resolved?

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 18:05

Except i don't have any assets, just a share in the equity of the house, hes the one with a massive pension pot, and large salary.

OP posts:

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 18:08

Have one child under 18, the contact for him has been agreed, finances still not sorted.

OP posts:

BeforeAndAfter · 10/02/2013 18:10

Hi Joy5 saw your post on my thread - sorry you're in limbo like this.

I don't think there's normally a due date for the Absolute - it's granted pretty soon after application (provided you have the Decree Nisi and have waited the required 6 weeks post nisi). That said the courts are a little slower at the mo due to cost cutting, or so I'm told by my sol.

Have you agreed finances set out in a consent order? Have you got the Decree Nisi? Has the consent order been sealed by the courts?

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 18:22

Hi BeforeandAfter
Decree Nisi was granted, and the letter stated that the Absolute was due on the 9th Jan. Nothing been sealed by the courts, finances still not agreed, as ExH wants us to sell the family and move us into rented accomodation, i'm not agreeing as credit rating so bad am struggling to pass the credit check.

OP posts:

BeforeAndAfter · 10/02/2013 18:25

Do you have a solicitor?

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 18:41

Yes, but it costs so much money to ring/email her and ask questions, i'm on a low salary and on tax credits but i'm not eligible for legal aid.

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BeforeAndAfter · 10/02/2013 18:48

Not wishing to re-hash stuff but was your sol supportive of accepting his grounds and letting him be petitioner without agreeing finances? Are you still living in the marital home? Have you got a copy of his Form E?

It's possible absolute's been granted. Check which court granted the nisi and then phone the court clerk tomorrow? I'm not surprised you're feeling unsettled.

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 19:07

he filed for divorce without my solicitor being consulted, we're still in the marital home, and he hasn't completed a From E.

We did finances at mediation before contact broke down.

Thats a good idea to phone and check with the court clerk, i can do that tomorow.

OP posts:

BeforeAndAfter · 10/02/2013 19:15

I'm now totally out of my depth here. I didn't think the courts would grant a unilateral divorce without your signature/consent without something like 5 years of separation. I'm also not sure as to what advantage he thinks he gets by divorcing you now... Do you own the house jointly? Have you sought advice over on MN Legal? That might be a good start.

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 19:26

I've signed the divorce papers, sorry didn't i make that clear, but the papers were filed before my solicitor saw them. He wanted to divorce me quickly so a line could be drawn under our marriage and we'd all move on. Except 2 younger sons both still struggling with their Dad living elsewhere, and seeing more of gfs children then them.

OP posts:

BeforeAndAfter · 10/02/2013 19:47

Whatever you do don't agree to move out! Do you own the house jointly?

Original poster

Joy5 · 10/02/2013 20:01

House is in both names, as are the debts too!

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BeforeAndAfter · 10/02/2013 20:24

Right - sorry if I alarm you but I think that if you are really divorced and he wasn't bluffing about applying for decree absolute then you need some advice to protect your home.

If you're divorced and he gets knocked down by the proverbial bus tomorrow and has not left a will his half goes to your kids. If he's left a will his half goes to whomever he so chooses... Your house is the only leverage you have over him and you need to keep hold of that.

Do you know what sort of percentage of his pension you're entitled to? Does he pay maintenance? You don't need to answer those questions here but you do need to get down to CAB, call your mortgage provider for advice and I suggest you post on MN legal. Think through all possible questions and write them down so you don't forget. I also have no idea how you force a settlement now (if) you're divorced. You need to ask all these questions. Maybe you know exactly what you're doing - I can't help you with sound advice as I've not been in your shoes but I think you need to be savvy here and act only for you and your DCs. Screw anything he says - that's all about him.

Sorry I can't help you further and sorry if I've worried you but i think you need advice from someone who knows ASAP.

postmanpatscat · 10/02/2013 23:16

The absolute won't be granted unless he applies for it, or you do. My nisi was in July 2011 and my absolute in April 2012, because we had a financial hearing in January 2012 and that had to be resolved first. If you want to force him to file his Form E, you will have to apply to the court for a financial hearing, if not, you can sort the rest out yourselves (although you may be doing yourself and the DC a disservice).

sashh · 11/02/2013 03:59

Unless he has actively approached the courts the decree absolute is granted.

BellsaRinging · 11/02/2013 06:09

Do not apply for da yourself. get on to your solicitor tomorrow and ask what is happening re the finances. it's a long time since i did family law but it was always the case that unless the finances were settled you lost certain rights on divorce. one of these was rights to his pension.

Original poster

Joy5 · 11/02/2013 14:13

Beforeandafter
Just seen my your response to mine on the other thread, yes i am in the middle of a divorce, and i'm still in limbo, don't know whether i can stay in the family home until youngest son is 18, or have to try and find rented accommodation. From the marriage my credit rating is bad, got into financial difficulties after the death of our eldest son 4 years ago. Keep being turned down for rental properties which is why i'm trying to stay in the family for as long as i can. Ex is constantly playing mind games, have stopped all contact with him, apart from occasional emails regarding our youngest son.
Am starting to smile again, bit by bit, even taking please in my new alcohol free drink, rather than mineral water, i've started drinking soda and lime, costs about 50p for a massive glass. Can't drink alcohol due to mediation. But i can have a night out with my friends and still have change from a fiver. :)

OP posts:

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