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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

he is getting MARRIED again!!!!

15 replies

smileyforest · 10/02/2013 17:26

Bloody hell...heard from my teen boy who is out with his Dad that he is getting married again!
Absolute just through following 2 years separation...
She is Japanese......
She has been here 2x and he has been there 2x.. they are both late 40's..
He is going to Japan in March to marry her and bring her back
I'm shocked! Don't care about him ...he is EA...
But the boys....one who is 14.5 lives with him...(due to Schooling)
Why the speed???
(it was 2nd marriage for both of us 16y)!!

OP posts:

kalidanger · 10/02/2013 17:29

What did your boy say? Does he think his dad is ridiculous? 14.5yo is a good age for that sort of thinking

allwaysthebaddie · 10/02/2013 17:29

Wow ! Has your sons met met her?

Walkacrossthesand · 10/02/2013 17:30

Triumph of hope over experience, I believe it's called?

Original poster

smileyforest · 10/02/2013 17:38

Boys have met her...her English isn't that good so they don't have long conversations with her...
He had affair with Japanese whilst married to me....
Think boys are p....d off!

OP posts:

Original poster

smileyforest · 11/02/2013 06:37

This has really affected my mood....Just makes me feel that the whole 19y together feels like a sham....and why didnt I get out sooner...he had the affair when boys were 3y and 5y.....I know why he is with Japanese woman...just wish someone could give me some strong words....to really bump me back to reality again....

OP posts:

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/02/2013 09:13

I suppose we could make some racially stereotyped assumptions based on the supposed 'meek & mild' characteristics of Japanese women.... problematic. But a relationship with someone with whom he can't communicate, taking them away from friends and family to a foreign country where they will be socially isolated and 100% reliant on him for everything. Sounds like his EA tendencies are alive and well and he may have finally found someone he can thoroughly control. Is that real enough for you?

Lueji · 11/02/2013 09:34

You do need to move on. Not sure why you are so upset if you have been separated for 2 years.
He's not your problem anymore, and she is a grown woman too.

Have you had counselling?

Lovingfreedom · 11/02/2013 11:26

..your DC won't form a bond anywhere close to what they have with you....as for your ex...He's rushed into another marriage with someone else he hardly knows. Who cares? He was probably struggling without a woman around. Not your problem. I can understand how despite knowing all this it still hurts but really....you can move on with nothing to fear now.

Dryjuice25 · 11/02/2013 11:37

I can't see what the problem is. Two years not together is long enough to move on. If he was abusive, then it's good riddance isn't it? He is not what you want and he has the right to move on and find his next victim

steadythebuffs · 11/02/2013 12:32

OP, you needed/need time to recover from your 16yr marriage, he doesn't need it in the same way, and rightly you are concerned about the impact of this on your dc.

steadythebuffs · 11/02/2013 14:06

It does hurt and feels like the whole thing was a sham. But Don't take it as a reflection on you and it takes longer to move on from an EA marriage (for you-you got hurt) whereas he can just find another woman to slot into place.

You also need to move on though.

LessMissAbs · 11/02/2013 14:27

There was a guy at DH's work who married his Chinese penpal, after meeting her once. She barely spoke any English and struggled to answer the wedding vow questions at the wedding ceremony. He reduced his hours at work to part-time and she trained as an accountant.

She has left him and gone back to China now.

HellonHeels · 11/02/2013 14:30

Sorry you feel affected personally by this news OP and for the concern you must feel about your DCs.

I don't think there should be a timescale by which someone should be expected to move on or recover from a relationship split but OP do you think you might benefit from some counselling to talk things through?

Lovingfreedom · 11/02/2013 14:39

Personally I don't think 2 years is that long. It's not about you though OP and this development does not say anything about your marriage. He might have bought a Porsche or got a tattoo...but he's marrying someone he barely knows instead.

Dryjuice25 · 11/02/2013 16:12

OP if it helps, just imagine this woman on Mumsnet in a few months time posting on Red Flags thread! All the signs are there (married quickly, didn't know each other well, e.t.c) that she will end up in an ea relationship because he is still the same person inside ie a twat.

In fact this reminds me of the quotation " Wherever you are, there you are"

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