what is the proper word for it

[Nagoo]

when a person undermines you saying something like 'I don't care what everyone else says, I don't think you are a cunt, I always stick up for you when people are slagging you off' or similar words to that effect?

Clearly the intention is to make you doubt yourself and distrust your other friends, I know what she's doing, but I don't know what it is called.

Being a bitch?

It's like she's paying you a backhanded compliment but that's not exactly it, is it.

Not very pleasant, anyway.

A backhanded compliment?

Gaslighting?

patronising

Being a cunt? Or gaslighting

damning with faint praise?

It's not very nice at all, that's what it is.

Is this a 'friend'? Relative?

Oooh, I had an ex that used to do this. He would tell me how all of his friends were concerned that I was too emotionally demanding and too much of a liability relationship-wise, but he made sure I knew that he always stood up for me in these conversations.

I eventually realised it was insecurity on his part. I was completely out of his league and he was scared I would realise it. Fortunately once I met DH, I soon realised how much of a dick my ex was.

No one important enough to matter. I don't take her seriously, but it interested me to know if there was a proper term for this 'technique'.

There should be a neat German or Japanese word for it, but I'd go for snide.

Passive aggressive...pretending to be nice but really getting in a dig at you.

divide and conquer I found it :)

Emotional manipulation. And it's extremely insidious & destructive. Whoever they are, I wouldn't listen to a word that came out of their mouth

Divide and conquer is the battle plan I guess

I never understand what these people think that they are going to win!

Machiavellian.

Shit stirring