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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DH is sulking because I don't fancy sex tonight...

150 replies

AuntLucyInPeru · 09/02/2013 20:11

We basically had a crap day in the cold wrestling with the kids, followed (at the end of the day) by tea and Nanny McPhee.

He mentioned sex earlier and I said "prob not, I just can't feel sexy after a day of arguing with a 2yr old and 5yr old all day".

So he brings it up again just now by asking me to go and have a bath, and I said 'no thanks, I know the subtext, just don't fancy sex tonight'. So now he's throwing washing up around the kitchen furiously in a noisy fury.

Being able to say no to sex when you just don't want to is just how it bloody IS surely?

We have sex 1-2 times per week, work a 60hr week (both of us) and have children aged 2 & 5.

BTW He only wants sex if we both shower, I put new full make-up on and sexy underwear, high heels, scent etc.

I just can't be bothered tonight.

How do I handle the big strop ?

OP posts:

Report

Lueji · 09/02/2013 21:00

I wonder if he's just had an 'age 38 and a half year old over-tired and emotional' tantrums. It has been a long week at work ...

You are excusing him and minimising it.

He's not a child. He's a fully grown man.

Who bullies you into sex.

I wonder what would happen if you told him tomorrow, when he's about to have the conversation with you, that you will not be told again when to have sex and that you won't put up with strops for lack of sex anymore and that the next strop about it will see him out of the house.

howdoo · 09/02/2013 21:01

Could you not at least have a shower together - save a bit of time

He sounds a bit ... fastidious

AuntLucyInPeru · 09/02/2013 21:02

No, nothing put of the ordinary, nothing we don't both like. Sometimes kinky, sometimes not, mostly dictated by my mood. The only two things he needs are

A we must have sex at least every fourth day and
B we both have to seriously get ourselves up for it.

Today is Saturday. We last had sex on Tuesday. Hence the strop.

OP posts:

AlfalfaMum · 09/02/2013 21:03

Weird thread. Sorry OP, but your H's behaviour is frankly fucking bizarre.

gingerchick · 09/02/2013 21:03

Weird!

Lueji · 09/02/2013 21:04

Only????

TBH, I'd give him a 4 week drought at least, after such a strop.

Floralnomad · 09/02/2013 21:04

My god that is way too prescriptive , he sounds incredibly high maintenance. If you do it 2 nights running do you get a week off or does the 4 day rule still apply?

AuntLucyInPeru · 09/02/2013 21:05

No alfafamum I agree. He IS weird about this. Which is why I am objecting, and referring to the collective wisdom of mumsnet for how to get him to bloody relax about it!

OP posts:

Lueji · 09/02/2013 21:05

**

She has, sort of.
And a great dad too.

So, if he was throwing up washing up liquid all over the kitchen, who's going to clear it up?

AuntLucyInPeru · 09/02/2013 21:05

Nope, 4 day rule still applies.

OP posts:

gingerchick · 09/02/2013 21:06

Manipulative and controlling arsehole

AuntLucyInPeru · 09/02/2013 21:06

He has cleared it up .

OP posts:

NoelHeadbands · 09/02/2013 21:07

Two hours? I'd need to pack a flask and some sandwiches

expatinscotland · 09/02/2013 21:07

Too much like hard work for me.

Floralnomad · 09/02/2013 21:08

If you went in now and started ' messing ' with him would he still insist on the showers and stuff or would he be spontaneous and just get on with it ?

Lueji · 09/02/2013 21:08

how to get him to bloody relax about it!

See above:
Set your own rules, a strop earns 4 weeks of nothing.
A second strop in a row automatically increases it by another 4 weeks.

Or he can leave.

Up to you to implement it.

Hassled · 09/02/2013 21:10

His behaviour is just so bloody weird and controlly and well, weird that I don't know what to say. It really doesn't sit easily with your insistence that he's a lovely guy.

NoelHeadbands · 09/02/2013 21:10

Thing is, I know some follks won't agree with this but occasionally if DH is in the mood and I'm not particularly, I'm sometimes happy to have a 'quickie'. And more often than not, I end up getting in to it anyway

But jeez, if I had to have a makeover first ? Fuggeddaboutit

MrsDeVere · 09/02/2013 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kalidanger · 09/02/2013 21:10

You sound rather detached from this, OP. I mean, are you posting for advice? What do you want to happen? How to stop him being weird and prescriptive? Whether we agree it's weird? Do you not think its that weird? If dressing up is your thing too then that's fine. I dunno.

Hassled · 09/02/2013 21:11

And yes, take back some of the control. Why is your sex life all on his terms? Why don't you try stipulating some of the rules? Or - and I'm going out on a crazy limb here - why don't you have no rules? I'm thinking spontaneous affection, that sort of wacky approach.

WireCatWhore · 09/02/2013 21:12

Good god.

Every fourth day & seriously get yourselves up for it. FFs.

Red flags.

Everywhere.

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Guntie · 09/02/2013 21:12

I opened this thread thinking "Just have sex with him, how long could it take..". Wow, how wrong can I be!

ChablisLover · 09/02/2013 21:13

Op - my dh is the same without the 4 day rule though

He's had a shower and is downstairs waiting for me to dress up etc and have sexy time.

Now he buggered off this afternoon to watch both 6 nations matches leaving me and ds to our own devices.

Add to this two cortisone injections to each of my hips yesterday and the agony I am in now especially after ds used me as a trampoline despite being told not to

And dh will still expect sex tonight

He can run and jump

A glass of wine and bed cos tomorrow brings the dreaded mil visit for the week

FlatsInDagenham · 09/02/2013 21:13

So, forgetting about his needs just for a moment ... what are yours? Don't you ever get suddenly horny when you are both snuggled up in bed at night? What happens then - do you have to get up, showered, dressed up and made up?

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