Is this ok?

[dontcallmehon]

I'm not perfect at all, probably I do nag a bit. But if I say something that annoys dh, he tends to shout at me and I feel upset that he can talk to me like that. Then when I ask him to stop shouting, he says it's my fault for annoying him and to talk to the wall, because he isn't listening. I have not spoken to him for 2 and a half hours. We are sat in the same room. He doesn't appear to have noticed.

Am I over-reacting, or am I right to think you shouldn't keep shouting at the person you are supposed to be in a relationship with? It's getting to the stage where I'm just avoiding talking to him at all.

It is worse that he is blaming you for making him shout, one day, he might blame you for making him hit you :( It is NOT ok to do that.

I think we all shout, when exasperated etc but not shout AT someone, if that makes sense. You sound like you are walking on egg shells

Not at all ok, no. Being in a relationship does not give you a licence to be a miserable git. Quite the reverse, if anything.

I am miserable. Sometimes he is ok, but my 'nagging' can trigger it. I don't mind if he disagrees with me, I just want him not to shout. Don't think he would ever hit me, we've been together a long time and he doesn't show signs of that. I'm not worried he would physically attack me. I just feel verbally attacked. Yesterday he told me to stop striving for things (I want to start my own business) as I would never be happy, it just wasn't in my nature.

He is a controlling man who is worried that you might see him for what he is, get some indepedance and leave him. Why do you "nag" him, i suspect it is because he is lazy and unmotivated and can't bear the thought of you doing something with your life and leaving him behind.

no its not right.

you know that.

so now you should leave

I know that, but I don't earn enough to keep the house and pay the bills on my own. I need to save enough to start my business and then I can do it. I could go back to my old job, which I hated, but I don't want to do that either. I do work for myself at the moment, but part time and in the evenings. I'm hoping to expand it and have people working with me so I can get free. I won't lose my house and so I'm putting up with it.

He is a good dad to the dcs as well. He just doesn't like me very much. I nagged him because he destroyed half our garden but left it unfinished so it looks a state and I want him to finish it off. When he has a shower he hangs his underpants on the towel rack and throws his clothes and towel on the floor. Very petty, I know.

Ah well theres the thing then OP - you should know that If a man says he is going to do something, you don't have to nag him about it every six months!!

Seriously though, if he shouts at you in front of the DCs then no, he isn't a good dad.

this is similar for 20 quid

sorry pmsl - wrong thread!

Lol Custardo!

Good point, frustrated mum. I'm going to try to plan my escape if things don't improve. Sounds weak, I know, but then I'm also not underestimating the feeling of being a struggling single parent. If I keep my head down, we can get through without too much shouting, hopefully.

Oh, I didn't mean to imply you were the miserable git I meant it didn't give HIM a licence to behave like one. I don't blame you at all for feeling miserable under the circumstances.

It's not in your nature to be happy, he says. Projection? I bet you could be ever such a happy person if you were given the chance.

Getting through without too much shouting isn't much of an aspiration, lifestyle-wise, as I'm sure you realise.

I know I could be happy, hopefully I will get there soon.