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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Advice needed, someones got a crush on ME

442 replies

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 09:40

This is probably going to sound really silly, but I'm hoping that someone,somewhere can help me deal with this very awkward situation I find myself in.
I'm a 43 year old single mom and work part time doing an incredibly boring job. That said, my colleagues are great and that makes things a little less tedious.I'm a very chatty and fairly confident person and find it easy to initiate conversation with even the most reserved people.
I have not been in a relationship for many years. This has not bothered me the slightest bit. I've not even had a serious romantic interest in a man.Friend s gave up trying to "pair me off" a long time ago and accept that I'm happy being single.
OK, I'll cut to the chase. One of the men at work, a senior member of staff,is someone I greatly admire. I often used to have a natter with him and I enjoyed his company. He's very popular,what you'd call a thoroughly nice man.We have a bit in common,but I wouldn't go so far as to say we were friends.We just shared a few light hearted chats ,nothing more. I didn't find him attractive,although I suppose he is quite good looking.
Recently though I've begun to dread meeting him at work,not because I don't want to see him or anything, but because he's acting like a love sick teenager when I'm around.
I don't know when it all started,it really took me by surprise.One day we were having our usual chat/banter and the next day he couldn't look me in the eye and was blushing furiously. It didn't help that I started blushing with embarrasment too.
I carried on my duties and decided this was a one off. When I passed his office I said hello etc and he blushed even more. I couldn't break the ice.This has continued for the past couple of weeks.He used to always say goodnight when he was leaving, but this has stopped. He avoids passing me in the corridor and when he does speak to me, he trips over his words and stammers.
I have to admit that I'm flattered by the fact he likes me, and I'm begining to think that I may like him too.
I really don't know why he's developed this crush on me. I've not said anything that would lead him on. I'm jovial but not outright flirty .
I just want to break this spell.

OP posts:

NotGoodNotBad · 02/02/2013 10:18

If you think you like him too, what's the problem? And you don't always have to be flirty for someone to get a crush on you (or many of us would still be single!)

Awkward at work though if it all goes wrong - I'd take it slowly, just be friendly and see what happens.

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 10:26

I think I'm beginning to like him, but perhaps it's because I'm tickled that he should like me. The awkwarness is just killing me. I long to go back to how things were before.I can't even approach him as he starts laughing furiously ,whatever I say.
Last night I caught him playing with his car keys for ages( could see through his office door)passing them from one hand to another for a good 5 or 10 minutes. His computer was shut down and we were the only people in the building.He always used to say goodnight but he must have sneaked past without me seeing. I honstly thought he was going to say something to me. There was a definate crackle in the air.

OP posts:

NotGoodNotBad · 02/02/2013 10:40

Maybe he'll put you both out of your misery soon and just ask you out. Perhaps things will be easier then when it's out in the open?

says she who hasn't had a new relationship in 20 years

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 10:47

I havent had a relationship in over 8 years and that was for a just a few months.I have been tempted to say something just to relieve the tension between us, but I have been scared in case he goes into meltdown.

OP posts:

DameFanny · 02/02/2013 10:54

I think it was in Northanger Abbey that Austen pointed out that sometimes the beginning of attraction was realising that someone was attracted to you. And it worked out well for wossname.

See what happens, don't chase it, don't make assumptions. Could be the start of something lovely, might not.

If it is, then it'll be all the more lovely because you weren't looking for it and don't need it. So whatever it is, enjoy

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 11:08

Thank you Dame Fanny. That makes so much sense.
I really do like him very much, but had never had any romantic feelings about him at all.I did notice he'd grown a nice trendy little beard and it suited him, but I never complimented him, it would have been unproffessional and too "in your face".Looking back I realise he started wearing smarter clothes too.
I just need the embarrasing stuff to wane a little.I want to be able to say hello without him spouting nonsensical rubbish and turning beetroot.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 02/02/2013 11:20

Coming from a different angle, could this be a case of him thinking you've got a crush on him due to his having misinterpreted something you said during your last non-blushmaking conversation - maybe one of your great colleagues made some comment which got him shit scared worried you were coming on to him?

Or could it be he's married/in a relationship but tempted and is doing his best to avoid you?

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 11:45

Izzy,to begin with, it had crossed my mind that perhaps he'd got his wires crossed.Now I'm not so sure.I think if that were the case he'd have teased me, he's got a sense of humour and in his line of work he has to reguarly deal with often difficult issues regarding personal problems that colleagues may be having.

OP posts:

izzyizin · 02/02/2013 12:20

Do you know anything about his personal life, ie. whether's he married/lives with a dp, got dc etc?

Tryharder · 02/02/2013 12:28

It all hangs on whether or not he's single or in a relationship, IMO. If the former, I'd be in like Flynn personally - why not? If the latter, just do what you are doing now - remain professional, friendly but not flirty and I'm sure he'll get over it.

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 12:41

WEll I've heard someone disgussing his divorce. That was a while back and didn't really give it much thought. Like I said, I wasn't interested in him romantically nor did it cross my mind that we could be friends out of the workplace.I've never spoken to him any differently to other workmates.Everyone says he's a great guy, and he is!
I need advice on how to handle the situation. I have tried to carry on as normal but there is this ruddy great elephant in the room and it won't budge.
I don't want to blurt out that the situation is making us both very uncomfortable, but I need to say or do something.I can't help wondering if other people have noticed and said someting to him to make matters worse.

OP posts:

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 13:59

Please,someone advise on what to do.This can't go on. I'm desperate to put an end to this situation. Am so worried about going back to work on Monday.
I have had crushes myself,years ago, but I think I held it together quite well and I don't think the object of my desire suffered like I am now.
Quite honestly ,I don't think we could have a relationship for many reasons especially as he's getting divorced and has a high profile job plus I'm well out of his league.

OP posts:

DameFanny · 02/02/2013 14:32

Well, you could always ask him for a quick word and ask him if everything's ok between you? Play it straight, say you've noticed he's been behaving differently and just want to make sure you haven't offended him in some way?

When you say you're out of his league, what do you mean by that?

Horsemad · 02/02/2013 14:38

Perhaps he's been having dreams about you & is then finding it difficult to face you afterwards?!!

I had a dream about a boss once, was mortified when I saw him the next day

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2013 14:42

I wouldn't say anything. If he has a crush on you and you're both single, then he will do something about it. Do you think there's any other reason why he's suddenly started doing this?

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 14:44

He has a very high profile position at work. I can't say what he does exactly, but his job carries a lot of responsibilies.
Thank you for you're advice. I've been trying to clear the air, but he's not been very easy to approach. I'm scared he's either going to bite my head off or else storm off.I just wish he'd phone me and we could discuss things without him getting into a complete state, he has access to my number.I don't have his number and even if I did I would never call him at home.

OP posts:

out2lunch · 02/02/2013 14:46

hmmm what do you mean by that comment out of his league

this isn't a problem really is it what will be will be

takeaway2 · 02/02/2013 14:56

I would actually leave it and at work, focus on other things. Anything. Just to keep yourself busy. By the end of Monday you'll realise you've not even thought of him and then you can go home. Happy you've not done anything. Carry on Tuesday Wednesday etcetc.

It'll be fine.

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2013 14:57

I don't understand you.

You say he's blushing and smiling around you but then you are scared he'll bite your head off or storm off. You've also said he's a great guy. Would a great guy storm off?

Do you really think he'd phone you at home? That would be seen as a breach of trust if you didn't want to go out with him. (If indeed that's what he was calling for.) Managers can't just make personal calls to someone at home like that - there are rules against it.

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2013 14:59

You heard someone discussing his divorce a while ago and now you're using this as a reason why you can't get together?

OP, just sit tight, be pleasant and leave it at that. If he's interested, he'll make a move.

Original poster

Usingtheplot · 02/02/2013 15:02

Thank you for your advice. I'm off to get my hair cut soon.It's long overdue and I'm hoping that will make me feel better, but as silly as this sounds I'm hoping he doesn't see this as a "sign" .
TBO I'm scared shitless and excited at the same time.It has awoken a lot of feelings that have laid dormant for along time

OP posts:

Horsemad · 02/02/2013 15:35

I think you may be overthinking this slightly, OP!

Relax, what will be, will be

Charbon · 02/02/2013 16:14

This man really isn't for you. You don't fancy him, you think you're out of his league, you're not sure if he's available, you fear a disproportionate reaction and until he started behaving differently around you, he didn't even merit a thought. He's also a work colleague and relating might cause problems professionally.

But he comes with a message, which is helpful. It's re-awakened a side of you that you'd like to revisit. Focus on that and meeting new men, but steer well clear of this one.

This is a very familiar problem incidentally. It's a recognised issue that it's startlingly easy to get into relationships with unsuitable people who just happen to be 'there' and who show an interest. It's very common in affairs for example, where people get into relationships with people who if encountered when single, wouldn't have been touched with a bargepole. But the individual qualities of the person aren't as important as the feelings they stir up about oneself.

This is no different, so pass on him and look for someone else.

AnyFucker · 02/02/2013 18:09

Christ almighty, you're a bit of a dramallama aintcha ?

You daren't get your haircut because it might be seen as a "sign" ?

You are all "panicky" today about going back to work on Monday?

Stop pulling our leg

ImperialBlether · 02/02/2013 18:28

AF - the voice of common sense!

"Oh no, I've washed my face... now he'll think I love him!"

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