Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

My life is a soap

22 replies

Whatshappenedtous · 02/02/2013 00:44

So tonight during a argument my OH pushed me, grabbed my face and pushed his nose up against mine and shouted in rage. This isn't the first time, I have 2 young DD both under 2. What the hell am I doing? Can't sleep :( x

OP posts:

pictish · 02/02/2013 00:45

Well it's not good. But you know that.
How often does he lose his temper?

Original poster

Whatshappenedtous · 02/02/2013 00:49

He's unpredictable
I feel like I'm constantly watching everything I say. I know it's not good and i tried to leave the house but he yelled me not to and not to take 'his' kids out said if I was to go I would go alone and they wouldn't be here when I returned

OP posts:

StitchAteMySleep · 02/02/2013 00:58

I think you need to call the Police and tell them what you just told us. Failing that phone Women's Aid on 0808 2000 247 for some support. You deserve better than this.

pictish · 02/02/2013 01:06

Sounds unbearable.
What do think you should do?

Original poster

Whatshappenedtous · 02/02/2013 01:21

I'm unsure I know the right thing to do is leave. I even tried to make things up with him saying I hate it when we fight but he has ignored me since 6.
I came to bed at 8 with Both DD.
I suppose he has ground me to the floor and l am now a very weak person

OP posts:

tallwivglasses · 02/02/2013 01:26

Time to get angry then and find your inner tigress. How dare he treat you like that? You need to protect your little DDs. What he said sounds like a very nasty threat to me

Sunnywithshowers · 02/02/2013 02:00

Hello lovely you are not a weak person.

I second the advice to call Woman's Aid and the police. He shouldn't be treating you like that.

Sleep well xx

TranceDaemon · 02/02/2013 02:11

You need to get out, you know that don't you? Start small, get support, tell someone you trust.

Ring Women's Aid in the morning and realise that a far better life is waiting. You don't have to live like this, it will destroy you if you do.

Original poster

Whatshappenedtous · 02/02/2013 11:57

Hi thanks for all your replies got up this morning got the girls dressed and came to my friends via taxi as he told me last night I wasn't to take his car (which I pay the insurance for and was originally bought for the family) so made it clear that I wasn't going to touch that. I haven't heard a thing from him he clearly doesn't love me else he wouldn't treat me like this.

OP posts:

TisILeclerc · 02/02/2013 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 02/02/2013 12:20

Oh love.
You're not weak, you are intimidated. Which is not the same thing at all. If anything you are strong, as you are enduring a lot right now.

Ok - would you be willing to ring Women's Aid? They are excellent in a crisis just of this nature, where you need practical advice and emotional support in dealing with a domestic abuse situation.

You know your OH is a bully...do you think you want to leave?

StitchAteMySleep · 02/02/2013 12:27

Well done on taking yourself and your kids to a place of safety. Please call Women's Aid, they will be able to help you.

pictish · 02/02/2013 12:37

Just so you know your options, Women's Aid can set you up in a place of refuge with your kids. The refuges are clean and comfortable with everything you need in place to look after yourself and your daughters.
They will assign you a worker who will sort out benefits, and put you forward as a priority for housing. You automatically get priority being a woman with children, who has escaped an abusive situation. They are absolutely incredible.

They are also there just for you to talk to. They will not attempt to talk you into doing anything you're not comfortable with, but they will listen, back you up, and tell you your options.

Obviously, how quickly things happen is down to area, but they will do their best to support you in any way they can.

Sunnywithshowers · 02/02/2013 14:37

Well done OP. xxx

SolidGoldBrass · 02/02/2013 17:03

Yes, call the police (ask to speak to someone in the Domestic Violence unit) and Women's AId. This man can be forcibly removed from your home and banned from returning even though he may still have to pay the rent/mortgage.

deste · 02/02/2013 18:53

Is the insurance paid monthly because if it is I would cancel it pronto.

Original poster

Whatshappenedtous · 02/02/2013 20:35

Well I can say mr nice guy wasn't home to greet me when I got back but mr nasty. After not speaking all day I thought like you he would have thought about things but no instead another row and a bruised face
That was enough.
He told me he was taking one of my DD and I was to keep one. This made me very and after a long talk I begged him to stay and not to take my DD.
I know what your all thinking I'm stupid but I have a plan
No man will ever take my babies away from me.
The thing that has made me most angry is that he said it is my fault that he hit me. Do they all say that?
I am full of mixed emotions is that normal. I am going to the police Monday when he goes to work. One min I'm crying then I'm angry......
After all that I told him to leave tonight as I wanted space and him telling me I need to prove to him I love him and want to stay in this relationship.
I am now snuggled up in bed with my DD x

OP posts:

Doha · 02/02/2013 20:51

Why wait till Monday phone them now if he is not around.

pictish · 02/02/2013 20:59

All abusers tell the victim that their maltreatment of them is their own fault, yes.

You made me do it.
If you didn't do X, I wouldn't do Y.
How do you expect me to react to that whatever crap it was that makes him feel entitled to be violent!

etc etc...

Snazzynewyear · 02/02/2013 21:05

Agree with Doha ring them now. Show them your bruises. Has he taken one of your DDs with him? Even more reason to call the police if so. He can't behave like this. And yes it is common for abusers to say it's the victim's fault - they would, wouldn't they - but it is NOT.

Original poster

Whatshappenedtous · 03/02/2013 09:31

No he didn't take one of DD there both here with me. Can I log the incident but him not find out? Is that possible x

OP posts:

pictish · 03/02/2013 10:33

I think so.

Are you ok?

Flip