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Relationships

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Original poster

What do you and DH talk about?

31 replies

schroedingersdodo · 27/01/2013 23:56

Dh and I have been together for 10 years, married for about 7, had DC1 nearly 3 years ago. Marriage suffered a bit but hopefully things are in the right track now.

We rarely go out by ourselves but when it happens i feel I don't know what tp talk about. I don't watch films or series anymore, and DH still does. He loves games, I don't.

I end up talking about DCs, plans for the future... It feels i don't have anything interesting to say. (we used to be able to talk for hours...)

Does it happen to you too? If not, what do you talk about? I need some inspiration... :)

OP posts:

chewingguminmyhair · 28/01/2013 00:06

Sometimes we sit in comfy silence and that's fine. Otherwise we talk about anything that's on our mind. The best and the worst bits of our day always gets the convo going. We talk about work and people we see. We talk about what's bothering us or what has bothered us in the past. We talk about the news a d politics. We talk about the future a lot and daydream...'when we win the lottery...' That sort of thing.

TheDetective · 28/01/2013 00:09

We both read mumsnet, and have a right old chinwag over various issues!

DP's personal favourite, the relationships forum!

I'm more of an AIBU person.

We often sit there on phones at night in bed, while one of us is feeding the baby, and chat about the various threads!

Other than that, we chat a lot of shit! I'm not sure really! We are equally happy in silence!

chewingguminmyhair · 28/01/2013 00:33

Ah yes, a lot of the things I say start with, 'I read this thing on mumsnet...'

nationaldisgrace · 28/01/2013 00:36

I read MN, DH doesn't but I often relay bits back to DH!

At the moment we're talking quite a lot about furniture/renovation on our new home. We swap a lot of gossip about family/friends/colleagues. I often 'store up' amusing/interesting things that I've seen that day to tell DH when I get home.

I notice you mention the things that your DH enjoys but you don't, but you don't say anything about things that you are interested in. Do you have any regular activities or hobbies? I think most people tend to talk about things that are part of their everyday lives, and it sounds like your life currently revolves around your dc and home life. Maybe it would be an idea to look for a sport or evening class? Or would it be worth trying to share watching some of his films or TV series, as that would give you a shared experience?

MarcelineTheVampireQueen · 28/01/2013 00:37

Thinking about it. We talk about work, family, our son, tv, news, gossip, not all in that order.

One thing we do everyday is laugh, we have fun, me and him, 14 years later!

battyfum · 28/01/2013 00:41

Basically what chewing said. It just sort of comes naturally to the point I have never given it a thought really before. There is always something to say. Maybe you could do with a hobby you enjoy? Do something for you that doesn't centre around the kids so you're you and not in the role of mummy. Sometimes we can forget we are more than that, well I do anyway

But yes, if you did something you had interest in then you would have something to talk about to your DH.

TheDetective · 28/01/2013 00:42

We often talk about past things we have done. Silly times we have shared.

Or DP will say something, like 'word to your mother' and i'll say 'brotherfucker' and then we'll laugh about the stupid film we watched, and go over bits in it.

Erm, we talk about previous shags, which were good?!

Also, when we met etc.

Reminding each other of the good times.

mirry2 · 28/01/2013 00:43

Thedetective, wha do you mean when you say you chat on phones? Is that to eah other? Are you in diferent rooms/houses?

chewingguminmyhair · 28/01/2013 00:46

Think she means both reading mumsnet on their phones

chewingguminmyhair · 28/01/2013 00:48

TheDetective - I'm glad someone else chats crap! DP like to think of ourselves as vaguely smart (modest too) but we do talk utter bollocks a lot - Made up words, silly accents, sing song talking, taking the piss... I'm probably at my happiest when we're talking crap, skipping round the kitchen and being Stoopid with each other.

TheDetective · 28/01/2013 00:51

Yes, we are on our respective phones, reading, then talking to each other about what we have read!

Oh we talk far too much crap chewing. I dread to think what people would think if they heard us. There is no such thing as political correctness in this house.

MrsMushroom · 28/01/2013 01:02

we talk about theatre a lot and plans for the future...artistic ones mainly. Sometimes we talk about what DIY we'd like to do...or we gossip about friends. Speculate on other people's relationships sometimes. double

We also talk about diet and food and we're currently wondering about becoming vegitarian.

AnyFucker · 28/01/2013 01:06

kids, money, kids, money, sex, what so-and-so said at work, what do you fancy for tea, kids, money, sex, kids, money, MIL, kids, money, MIL, politics, kids, money, kids, money, sex

I sense a theme

Original poster

schroedingersdodo · 28/01/2013 08:23

Thanks a lot you all, I had never thought about it before, until it started to be a problem. We have a 2month DC, so I'm not doing much apart from DC and house chores.

As we are concerned about money, talking about the future ends up stressing me.

The only thing I do is try to write, but although DH is supportive, I think he finds it boring and criticizes all my ideas (he's fine if I show him a finished short story for ex, but hates discussing ideas forstories, and I end up angry with his comments, so it's better not to talk about it)

We used to have loads of private jokes, and quote films and so on all time, like someone mentioned here.

I think we're findind each other boring. Or maybe I am finding both of us boring. Maybe i'm having too high expectations considering we have a toddler and a newborn.

OP posts:

VoiceofUnreason · 28/01/2013 08:51

I've always believed - others don't agree - that the strongest partnerships are those where people still maintain separate interests and don't do everything together. It ensures you are still you, and not just 'mum' or 'dad' or 'husband' or 'wife'. It also means you should always have something to talk about.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 28/01/2013 08:54

What do you both do in your spare time? Me and the current boyfriend have very different interests... mine's music and his is motorbikes!... which we pursue independently. When we get together that's often a good start of a conversation. Other than that, current affairs keep us going quite well - politics, scandals & especially any interesting murder cases. (Makes us sound like the Addams family, doesn't it?)

CuriousMama · 28/01/2013 09:02

Not liking him 'criticising all your ideas' Is he quite young? Sounds a bit one sided if he can chat about his interests but not you yours? Could he be envious of your talent for writing?

Dp and I talk about mutual interests plus our own separate ones. People we both know. Our allotment, my art, our families. Holidays, trips away, food, movies. Sex.

You must really have your hands full with a new baby and toddler? Does your dh help out a lot?

Flisspaps · 28/01/2013 09:03

The kids. His work. MN.

I'm looking forward to going back out to work and having actual stuff to talk about!

BirdyBedtime · 28/01/2013 09:09

Hi OP - it's inevitable that when you have DCs that your conversation will, to a degree, revolve around them and you shouldn't feel bad about that. If you are at home with a very small DC to be honest there isn't much else to talk about, but that will change as you start to do more with your DC.

When DH and I ever have a spare minute and don't have to talk about the DCs then we tend to chat about food, work, stuff that's in the news, plan holidays, gossip about friends/acquaintences/family and at the moment our planned extension.

You mentioned things you used to talk about before the DCs came along - it sounds like you had plenty to talk about so maybe try to start some of that again on a small scale? If there are money worries might it be worth having an upfront conversation about those to get it off the agenda so that you can talk freely about other things?

Noren · 28/01/2013 09:11

It sounds like you need some leisure time, although it's hard with young children - is he doing his share of housework and childcare so you can both have some time for yourselves?

We often talk about the DVD series we are watching together, stuff we've read online, sex (things we've liked, things we would like/goals), plans for the house/DIY/garden. If we run out of things to say we play board games - there are lots of interesting ones available now like Fluxx orCitadels. We talk about places we'd like to visit, holidays we'd like to go on one day, current issues. And we talk silly a lot.

HecateWhoopass · 28/01/2013 09:20

Everything. Been married 14 years. 15 in a couple of months.

politics, current affairs, tv, the kids, friends and family, hypothetical situations (we can go toe to toe on whether or not we'll tell anyone if we win the lottery ) It's fun to take opposing positions on something and argue it out. Like our own private debating society , plans for the future, business, mundane household stuff, whether there's life on other planets, why other people are so weird

we also play like a couple of 5 year olds

HandbagCrab · 28/01/2013 09:36

Do you get a break? What are you doing when your dh is watching stuff and playing games?

Me and dh talk about anything and everything, though the conversation is probably quite dull to anyone else listening in :) Sometimes we are tired and we don't talk much but it's a companionable silence when we do.

badguider · 28/01/2013 09:41

ok so you've got a 2mo baby, fair enough that you don't have much time for hobbies but why don't you watch films or tv together at all anymore? What do you do while feeding? In evenings? And what about planning hobbies/activities for when lo is slightly older... DH and I talk about plans for trips, days out, holidays (not expensive - camping), sports we do, his work, my work... we use V+ to record a few programmes each week and watch them when we have time together, we share stuff from magazines and books and the internet....

TheDetective · 28/01/2013 09:53

We also have a 2 month old, but we still talk about the above things I mentioned.

Last night for example, our bed time talk consisted of us making up AIBU threads, and various leave the bastard topics! We rolled around laughing almost waking the baby getting more and more ridiculous.

Conversation doesn't need to be sensible - make it silly! It's more fun this way :)

Original poster

schroedingersdodo · 28/01/2013 10:41

Wow, I'm impressed how much you people talk about sex! :) That's an activity I remember vaguely...

I would love to talk silly (the silly LTB scenarios sound fun) but I think you need to be in a really good relationship for it to happen, and as I said, we've had a few bad years and are just starting to get along again.

While DH watches stuff and play games I try to sleep! (and feed the baby as needed). To be honest, I don't even fake an interest about his films and games. I don't bother about most of them (I resent him enjoying this stuff... He gave up trying to convince me to watch stuff but i always prefer to try to sleep).

Re the writng, he's not young (nearly 40) but he doesn't like the 'thinking about scenarios for stories.' And he wants me to write the things, instead of talking about them!

I don't think any of them is very happy at the moment (too tired, too busy), but I don't know how to make things better.

OP posts:

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