Why are so many people up at this hour ?

[SummerDad]

Just wondering ...

Will you sleep tonight Cafe? It sounds like tonight could be the night?

Hi Cafe and Midwife, yes luckily I managed to have a good sleep last night. The way it happens is quite strange, I suddenly sort of crash at any time after the midnight never been able to predict about this .
Midwife, you are right sleep is good I guess. How do you manage DS when you do night shifts. I reckon I would love to do night shifts if I were in medical profession as I have been a chronic nocturnal creature since ever

Hope you don't mind me stumbling into your thread. I hope you all get some sleep and peace.

jynier you sound in so much pain. Do you really think people are pushing you to get back to normal? Shame on them, if so. Do you have support IRL? Family? Friends? Have you considered professional help? It is the only thing that got me through. And I say 'got me through', I mean 'gets me through'. It is learning to live with a new and unwanted kind of normal.

Ravotar welcome to the thread

pmsl midwife...I returned to the thread many times til 4am but even I draw the line at holding a conversation with myself

chocolate???!
how's everyone doing this evening?

haha I was tiptoeing about thiinking, shhh they're asleep. cafecito don't make any noise

ravotar- hi, and agree it's about learning to live with a new and unwanted normal, good advice. jynier - do you get the chance to speak to anyone in RL?

it's not always helpful, for years I didn't

I am being naughty this evening, have done no work, have eaten my bodyweight in chocolate, and downloaded some totally bizarre songs on itunes to add to a 'library' playlist. I.am.too.cool.

but what I meant to say is, now that I have seen a counsellor (not even specialist counselling) it's much better - just to make sense of stuff in my own brain really. It makes me more self aware, ie, this is why I feel the things I feel, etc. it gives some 'containment' for something which otherwise would be driving me mad at the moment. allows me to spill in a safe place. Then again, haven't seen her for ages can you tell

ravotar - Thank you for your kind comments!

I am usually the RL problem-solver for others; ironic, eh?

Would love to sleep properly; unfortunately, suffer from nightmares and vivid dreams.

Hello again. Gave up MN for lent, but DH is currently in A&E with chest pain whilst I leave the bedroom in silence so DS goes to sleep. Feel sick with worry, but know dragging a baby into A&E will just make everyone's lives worse.

I'm so very sorry for your loss, jynier. Being no stranger to bereavement I know that tiime doesn't heal but its passing does enable us to reach some accomodation with our grief whereby we muddle along in much the same way as we always did, albeit that we are irrevocably changed in ways that words cannot fully describe. I must confess those who ask 'are you feeling better now?', as if you've had the common cold, narrowly escape being punched in the mouth given a verbal lambasting

My new sooper-dooper 'walking aids' were put through their paces Friday before last when I went out for drinks at a ritzy hotel bar and they didn't look out of place. In fact, they attracted sufficient admiration to cause more than several one drink to be sent over to me 'with compliments'.

That same night I experienced a Life of Brian 'It's a miracle moment' in which I was able to walk to the powder room and back unaided. I felt quite the fraud as I sauntered through the bar but, unfortunately, the power of whisky sour soon evaporated and it was a very different story the next day.

I've kind of superceded the pain barrier and have dispensed with the heavy duty pain killers unless the discomfort has been so intrusive that popping a couple is absolutely necessary. If only I could just stay ratarsed inebriated and float above it...

I'm necking krill oil, glucosamine/chondroitin, collagen, calcium, zinc, vitamin d, and greenlipped mussel capsules like there's no tomorrow and one/other/all does seem to ease this condition, albeit that it could simply be that I've got used to it and have become accustomed to the limitations its placed on my ability to function 'normally'. How did similarly afflicted souls cope before the advent of online shopping?

My highy paid quack (no offence intended to cafecito) in London is adamant that it's replacement or nowt. However, my pa and our family doc are researching the success rate of stem cell treatment and this may be a non-surgical option which I'll try before giving further thought to 'going under the knife' or, rather, the Black & Decker.

I did resolve not to use this space to bang on about the joy of osteoarthritis but, by god, I need a place to vent so it's a mea culpa from me and my best wishes for a good night to all of you.

Having now read more than this page of posts, I just wanted to add that I am very sorry for your losses jynier and cafecito you are of course very welcome to keep posting on the thread, from what I can tell its for those of us who are awake and fretting/suffering into the small hours.

Hope the nifty stem cell stuff works for you izzy

Can someone tell me that DH hasn't got back to me because the medics have taken him seriously in triage and are doing medical things instead of leaving him in the waiting room rather than because he's unconscious too please?

cafe - that all makes sense. good to hear counselling works for you.

mrsHoarder. virtual hand holding services here hope you get news about your DH. waiting's hideous
and izzy, am in awe of you. I do hope the posh walking aids have go faster stripes improved your ability to get mobile (why do things always work better with alcohol? ) Impressive cocktail you've got going on there I must say. perhaps sounds like something you should be marketing (would help pay for said Quack) and rant away. very therapeutic.

sorry jynier meant to add - you can't be the RL Problem Solver for everyone else all the time. be kind to yourself

Dont wantto go to bed as that will make. it real.My lovely mum died last night .Feel numb and then it comes in waves.I have never felt such sence of non reality

So sorry wakeup. Have an un mn hug.

Don't fret, MrsHoarder. Your dh is being monitored in triage by means of assorted gizmos attached to various parts of his body and he's reluctant to call you for fear he might disturb your sleep.

When I left said bar I suspect those who exited at the same time would have preferred my crutches 'walking aids' to be fitted with indicators rather than the reflectors that come as standard, MrsShrek. Not that I was in any condition to tell left from right operate them

wakeup ((hugs))
no idea what else to say, except we are here and feel for you.

izzy- awesome. do it again soon. if the rest of the, umm, pissheads partypeople were in the same inibriated condition then I doubt they'd have noticed. if you want indicators then get a horn fitted too

wakeup so, so sorry for your loss we're here for you.

how are you doing tonight cafe?

I'm so very sorry your dm has passed, wakeup. It will feel unreal for some time to come and all you can do is simply go with it as there are no shortcuts when it comes to dealing with grief.

My heart goes out to you; be kind to yourself in the coming days and take every opportunity to express your emotions to those who love and care for you as they will always love and care for your lovely dm.

mrshoarder oh dear- I think in this case, no news is good news. bad news = someone call family, good news = triaged, taken very seriously with those symptoms, being investigated, no time or ability to reach for a mobile

izzy krill oil, I have heard wonderous things about- so good you're feeling like you can find a way forward that may not have to involve black & deckering yourself. stem cells = brilliant idea. surgery for things where there are more advanced treatment options available = makes me cross (not with you, with doctors and policy makers)

jynier I have nightmares too, very vivid ones, which is probably half the reason my not sleeping habit is quite comfortable

wakeup, I agree with the wise words of izzy- disbelief is how you will feel for some time. do take the help and support offered by others. do be very kind to yourself at the moment. its a truly awful thing. post here if you want to 'talk' about it- you will keep going over it probably. it's ok to shout and cry. massive hug for you tonight x

you know what made me cross recently, that medical students are taught the 5 stages of grief and told that that's how it is, then it's done and dusted in less than 6 months. ridiculous advice. kubler ross herself acknowledged the swapping, jumping, skipping of the stages- she did a lot of excellent work, but tomorrow's doctors, myself included, are being told a load of rubbish (about many things, not just this). It's literally taught- 'these are the stages, 123.. then resolved in a couple weeks or a couple months. the end'. If I get out with half an ability to think independently and critically I will consider myself lucky.

it's a lot of bollocks isn't it.... counsellors are taught the same stage model yano asif you can put a time limit on anything like this (appols for teenspeak, catching it from my kids but quite appropriate here imho) Grief is the most unique disorientating thing which no theory can even start to describe.