tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

[chocoreturns]

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

Well done choco. I know it's hard but it well be for the best. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Can you get a cd player for ds1 room. We got one for dd2 room when she was around 2 as she would get up for the day at 5am and I had ds who was 6mths and and I like you was not getting any much sleep. She soon learned that she could listen to her stories until I would get up.

Hope you feel more yourself soon.

Well done choco. I found that sustained sleep deprivation and screaming baby took me to a very dark place. It sounds as if you are very clear about how you want to improve things and I do think DC pick up on your resolve. Mind you, often after you go through the agony of CC and get a good routine going, they then get sick/start teething and end up in your bed or feeding all night again - or was that just mine?

Stick with it Choco, as tough as it is, you and your boys will reap the benefit of doing this. It WILL work, stay consistent. I can remember my son's sobbing from almost 10 years ago and can literally feel that moment of being alone at night listening to it, willing the universe to let him settle and telling myself it would be more cruel to chuck in the towel and give up as the upset would have been for nothing. In our case it took a while but it worked. It always works if you see it through. I kept a mantra going too which I drummed into my son, while the sun sleeps we sleep, when the sun's up, we get up. Helped that we lived in the tropics where it was dark from 7 to 7 year round! At the moment in the UK though it must still be dark in the mornings, it's a bummer in the summer when it gets light at 5am. Hope you have black out curtains for then!

Curious about your news, update soon!

We did controlled crying with DS on recommendation of health visitor when he was 18 month I think. We stuck it out that long. 35 mins the first night, 20 mins second night and 2 mins third night. Of regression with illness and a I think a few night terrors which are awful but it did work for as a last resort. Glad your feeling better, hope things are looking up in other areas too. I'm still dealing with twunt of an ex 4 years on and we didnt have kids. Good luck getting everything sorted xx

Bamboozled how's the back and chest infection?

Ho

So pleased you got some sleep.

We did cc with our oldest (who's now 21) when she was 18 months old and it took 3 nights, with each night getting subsequently better.

Stair gate sounds a good plan, as does as little cd player. Do they still make those fisher price ones, or am I showing my age?

Hurray!!! Well done you! That is brilliant. Remember, first night is always the worst, because you can see today that it hasn't damaged them or your relationship with them..
Don't go wild now with all that energy you'll have from a couple of hours actual sleep

I think they do AgathaF, but we just got a cheap one from Argos as ones made for children are twice the price. I think it was about £10 - £15.

Hi Choco,
I've followed your threads and am in awe of you. I just wanted to say if the stairgate doesn't work (as it didn't for my Houndini son), try the rope trick.
Get some thinnish rope, tie around INSIDE of his door handle, then tie it to another door handle in the hallway. It leaves a small gap in his door, the rope stops the door being slammed shut and he won't be able to get out.
It was the only thing that stopped ds2 getting out of his room at night as he always managed to undo any stair gates. He's now a strapping 24yr old, didn't do him any harm!

It makes sense and if you have to function by day there really isn't another way. Well done for persevering he won't hate you for it honestly and a stairgate sounds worth a try for DS1.

Fantastic suggestion Hermione!! The other thing I did with DD when she went into her own bed at 2 1/2 & kept getting out at bedtime was to do milk, story, kiss, tuck in & shut the door. Then sit or stand outside door with your back to the door. Every time they get out & open the door you silently pick them up & put back in bed & repeat & repeat & repeat. It took an hour the first night by which time I was sobbing too but by night 4 no trouble & none since. Stairgate easier if you are likely to be dealing with DS2 at the time too! We couldn't find one narrow enough for her doorway as it's a sliding door. Wish I'd known about the rope trick!!!

Yay! 3 cheers for sleep!

Chezzie - back much better thanks, injections really helped! How is yours? Chest infection on the other hand... Day 6 and still in bed, lost half a stone though!! Always an upside! X
Are we picking up our pompoms and putting our American tan tights on for Choco managing the controlled crying ...

Oooh half a stone Bamboozled - there is a silver lining!! Yay pompoms for Choco!!

Hi all. Back much better thanks, but will swap your chest infection for this stomach bug.

Hope the controlled crying goes better for you tonight. I'd better pass on the Pom poms in case I shit myself.
Ds been a odd tonight he's 2.8 and went to bed fine, heard him wailing and went up, sat sobbing, so I said do you want a hug? Yeah. Chatted a bit and he kept point ing at ceiling saying light. I said yeah we always turn light off at bedtime (he does have a night light) he still kept pointing and then announced the light had gone and went back to bed and fell straight to sleep. The light was off all the time [shocked]

Morning Choco - hope you've had a better night tonight. I think CC after six months is quite a different ball game to with teeny ones, and I think you are doing the right thing for your boys. I hope you've had a better night. xxx

DrZeus you absolute star, thank you so much!!! you made my day

I'm feeling MUCH better today. I've had a lovely morning with the boys with some friends, and some of the practical things are taking shape. The gate on DS1's door stopped him from coming in to my bed, and although he woke before six and shouted when I calmly told him it's not morning but he can play with his toys, he did for nearly an hour on his own - hurrah! Still up 4x with DS2 last night but I just feel like I can deal with it today, so that's progress. My mum also came round yesterday and helped me out with the boys so I could really scrub the house. Bathrooms and floors bleached always makes me feel less of a scummy mummy!!

So, my more interesting news is: Chip has come back from the ether. His phone (apparently) got dropped in a sink of water, etc etc. I'm not sure I believe him entirely but I don't care as much as I thought I would either. It's good that I got a chance to step back and think about what I really want to be doing relationship wise right now because I think a cooling off period for me has been helpful. I do want to see him again, but I don't want a twice a week boyf who comes and goes all the time... which is just as well really because his middle DS (11) has just moved in with him full time, after falling out with his exDW. So neither of us have any child free nights now at all, and we are just going to have to see if and when we can fit in meeting up for the time being. However, if the opportunity to take AF's advice is back on the table... well, it would be rude not to eh?

And lastly, I asked Twunt politely to let me know what was happening about him moving down (eg when it was likely to happen) and got a very non-committal reply suggesting that he may not actually be coming at all due to having no house, no start date for the jobs and having not actually handed in his notice where he currently is (!) so I suspect that all may not be rose-tinted glasses in the T&T camp right now, and reality may be kicking in for one or both of them. It still probably won't change anything and I'm not going to assume either way that they will or won't show up. But it's nice to think that things aren't going 100% smoothly over there. (I know, I know. It's a departure from form to gloat over their possible unhappiness but hell, no-one is winning prizes for being a saint now are they? )

Here's to thorns in their bed of roses, and to hot carpenters in mine cheers!

Yay all sounds good and you should definately take AF's advice a small amount of gloating is acceptable I believe. Hope you get sorted work wise too and it should be good week. I did drop my phone in a water butt once so I suppose anything is possible.

Cheers!
Gloating is actually kind of fantastic. Go on, have a gloat. We won't confiscate your halo :)

STBXH is out with DS1 today and taking DS2 out for the morning all by himself, for the first time. I'm going to take the opportunity to do something special for me and DS1 for the morning. It's been so long since I've had time just the two of us!

EVeryone is entitled to a little gloating - especially when it's something like this! I also hope for your sake that things may not be going as smoothly as was thought :)

Glad you're getting a bit more sleep now too.

Hurray!!! That's all fantastic news! As for the thorns in their bed of roses and Chip in yours - woohoo!!
I dropped my phone down the loo.. It took 4 days in a bag of rice to dry out...
What will you do with Ds1? How lovely to have a morning on your own with him!
Well done you - about time things looked sunnier for you! x

Glad it arrived OK and things are looking up!

Here's to thorns in their bed of roses, and to hot carpenters in mine cheers!

Absolutely

Enjoy your weekend!

choco what an upbeat end to the week

That sounds much more positive & like you're back in control having had some sleep albeit broken!! T&T can plan this & that all they like - they can't change their personalities so thorns will always prick their faithless arses in the end whether your halo is behind the TV or not! Bloody good for you that Chippy is back from the land of man cave communication breakdowns!