tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

[chocoreturns]

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

Hello choco hope today's meeting goes well, hope you do get that contract! (tries not to jump ahead and caper with anticipation of Wed night's date).

Great news bamboozled - slow progress but big dollops of reassurance help.

Bamboozled, you must be giddy with relief. I am glad for you (though not about the 2 injections...better than the alternative they were worried about though?)

Choco, good luck with project today. Cant wait for Thurs morning update

Thank you! Yes, so so relieved, cried when I l

Sorry, fat finger syndrome on Iphone! Cried with relief (especially when I looked at kiddos asleep last night), they can give me as many hideous injections as they like! Also embarrassed myself in the very very smart drs office in central London by squealing fuck, fuck, fuck as he did the second injection
I got some very strange looks as I staggered back out into the waiting room!
Keeping my fingers crossed for Chocco's meeting...

Fair enough Bamboozled - fuck away!!! Yes also hoping Choco gets the contract!!

Midwife!

Look forward to choco's update.

I think that, contrary to what we were told by our dear mothers, swearing is sometimes Big, Hard, and Clever.

When we finally got to the hospital at 11.30 on Boxing day night, and I saw them start to run water into the big pool that I'd been thinking of for all of the 45 minute drive to the hospital (through a nasty rain and hail storm), indeed for the whole hour I'd been in labour since my waters broke at 10pm ... the midwife got me up on the bed to check me, and I said "can I get into the pool now or do I have to wait for it to fill?" and she said "well, love, it depends on whether you want to push in the pool. I can see your baby's head, so you don't have much time to decide."
And I looked into the face of the lovely mw, with whom I'd cultivated a nurturing relationship over the many months of my pregnancy, and said "oh, you're fucking kidding me! Tell me you're fucking joking! NOW? FUCKING NOW?" and she laughed and said "yep. Push whenever you like. "

DS2 was born 20 minutes later. I spent the time she was stitching me up apologising for swearing at her She laughed at said it was the quickest transition she'd ever seen!

Sorry, tangent. But sometimes medical professionals have a sense of humour about the occasional 'fuck' :)

Hooray, bamboozled! So glad. As for swearing, I had to have a lumbar puncture as part of the diagnostic process for ms. Everyone said it's one of the most painful things ever, so I was really trepidacious (!?!) about it. The doctor came in, made me lie on my side for a while, while nothing much happened and I looked at the wall, then he said "What? No swearing????". He'd done it and I didn't notice (I felt cheated!).

My mum said some doctors just have the knack. Most don't.

Choco, have fun tonight.

hello!!

I only went and bloody did it. I got the project approved!! So I am properly seriously proud of myself today! With my 7month old baby, after the year I've had, I can hardly believe I've actually started my own business now too. HOO-BLOODY-RAH LADIES! I feel like a bleedin' warrior today.

bamboozled I'm SO glad for you that it's been good news but my golly you've been through the mill getting here haven't you? I really hope that you're not in too much pain. How are you doing today?

As for the birthing story, blackcurrants ouch! well done you!! I don't know if I'm envious of a 2 hour labour or terrified! Good for DS2 for his enthusiastic entry lol.

I officially declare my cheerleaders hardcore.

So, who wants to get excited with me about my date tomorrow night now? I need a vote ladies, country pub, boutique hotel or wine bar? That's the extent of my options where I live, and he's leaving the venue up to me... Whaddya reckon?

Wow Choco congratulations!!!!!! I knew you could do it!! Onwards & upwards!! while dicksplash applies for junior supporting roles
Re the date - where would you feel most comfortable?!
Blackcurrants - I swear & I'm the midwife!! We REALLY don't mind!!

Well done choco you are officially ace

As for date night....... I think I'd go for the hotel option

Oh very well done choco, that's wonderful !!

Re the date, go for the wine bar, too soon for the hotel

Fantastic news choco well done!

Country pub. Relaxed. Can you be sure of getting a table?

Though good excuse to dress up more at the other two venues. Boutique hotel more of a 2nd date option perhaps. Wine bar?

Aah Choco - fuckin' A! There ain't no stopping you now! Waaaaahoooo! Well done warrior woman.

Now...the date....think boutique hotel might be a bit sluttish pushing it a bit on a first date. Is it a nice country pub, with a fire and good food? If so, i might go for that, but otherwise think about where you'll best be able to sit and talk.

Wow - congratulations choco.

Country pub if it's a nice one and a table is guaranteed.

Enjoy it!

Yes, that's the way to do it. I think if you can try and keep any hard feelings to one side and not sound (even if rightfully) judgmental towards her, you'll make life much easier for yourself (and your DC) down the line. I'd even try and leave out the "I know you and I aren't going to be friends" stuff if I were you.

Well done Choco. You know where to come if you need any free advice on setting up as self employed :)

OH MY GOD - YOU ROCKSTAR!!'
[bribes children to help her into American Tan tights and pass the pompoms]
That is amazing news - well done!!!
You must be whizzing with excitement!!

Date wise, I'd go country pub with fire - I reckon blokes are most relaxed with a pint in their hand...
and second date at boutique hotel

• things are looking up

Black currants - love your story, I had pethadine with dd1 and was so out of it I told exh we had to leave the hospital as we had a date with Brittany Spears - wtf?

Who is going to join me in a chorus of woohoos for the extraordinarily brave and talented Choco
Woohooo! x

Choco, brill news! I am in awe of you.

I'd go for the country pub.

County pub sounds good :)

so am I to conclude it's the pub for this jaunt? Thanks all! I will have to have a scout around to see which one is acceptable - it's been about a decade since I went out in my home town after 7pm and I have NO idea which of the slightly old man style pubs is ok on a Weds eve. The only one I've been to that is definitely nice, is a drive away. Not a long one, but still a drive... I think I may need to call on local expertise!

I can't quite believe that I bagged it. I do feel a tiny bit like a rockstar hehe. I swear I wouldn't have got half as far this year though without you guys.

Hi Choco

Delurking at last to say how fantastic you are. Well done on today and is go with country pub too but that's probably cos I'm a country bumpkin I think.

Bamboozled pleased for you too hope your on the mend soon.

Blackcurrants I empathise, had dd in Nov just shy of the car park. Shit myself on second push, tore myself to budget on the third when she shot out, spent next hour apologising to midwife feeling a complete dipstick.

Sorry I feel like I know you all so well reading this thread, all of you give me smiles and lift me when I'm feeling crap, having had a crap time over last ten years and still suffering occasionally. Anyway I've hijacked and I'm sorry Choco. Hope it all goes amazingly for you tomorrow xx

I LOVE my threads... they all start out with some crisis or another and end up as some kind of stitch and bitch session. I feel so connected to all you lovelies and I'm more than happy for hijacks meanders around the thread :) Hello chezziejo!

Incidentally, I spoke to the GP surgery and they were not very apologetic. Nor do they fill me with confidence that it wouldn't happen again. They've said they'll retrain the front of surgery staff. However they sort of blamed me for not telling them explicitely that DVAS were involved as they saw no reason to treat my information with extra care wtf?? I'm not sure how it's relevant whether they are involved or not, my address shouldn't have been given out to anyone, under any circumstances.

So I'm not happy with that at all! But I'm not letting it burst my bubble today, screw STBXH, my life ROCKS!

Oh and Phil the Drill text to say he's really looking forwards to tomorrow, hurrah!

Woohoo - Pom poms ahoy!! Phil the drill - lucky guy!!

Boo hiss for doctor's surgery, 3 cheers for your date tomorrow night! (Glad he texted).