Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

tomorrow I hand over my children to the OW for the first time

999 replies

chocoreturns · 26/01/2013 22:44

I don't know what else to say, just need a hand hold tonight.

OW and STBXH are now house hunting 15 mins from my house, and spending EOW with my baby and DS. They have been lying about her being there right up until today. I finally reached the end of my tether, while listening to DS1 tell me all about house hunting with OW all day, having been told he was with only his dad and granny.

So I called STBXH and told him I'm over it, it's time to stop pretending I'm an ogre who can't bear to meet her, and to bring her to handover. If she's going to be on my doorstep and having my children in her home, I need to know who she is. She took my baby DS2 swimming with his dad today - it was his first swim. I am far beyond anger now and I'm just sad about it all :(

Not sure what to say to her, but I would like to take her to one side when STBXH is putting the kids in the car, and say look - I know you and I aren't going to be friends, but my children are my priority, and I need to know they are safe and happy when they're not with me. If you ever don't know what to do, or you're on your own with them and you think they need me, please know that it's ok to call me and I'll be fine with you. Then give her my number.

Is that mad? Or sensible and mature?

This is a moment I need a mumsnet straw poll :(

OP posts:
saffronwblue · 06/02/2013 21:21

WEll it's morning here...Hope you had a good time choco. Smile
Bamboozled that sounds very scarey and painful

MumVsKids · 06/02/2013 22:25

But but but.......
Almost 10.30pm
On a school night???????

Lol!!!
My wine has run out, I daren't eat any more crisps as my jeans are tight enough!!!
I'll catch up in the morning then!!!!!
Grin

Thumbwitch · 06/02/2013 22:33

Hope it was another good date, Choco!

Glad the MRI shows no sign of infection Bamboozled but I hope they do work out what's wrong quickly so you can feel better soon.

AnyFucker · 06/02/2013 22:42

the filthy, filthy stop-out Grin

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 06/02/2013 22:47

Yes, filthy Envy

MumVsKids · 06/02/2013 23:23

Well I never.......

But then my old mum always did say, if you're not in bed by 10......

Come home Wink

bamboozled · 06/02/2013 23:31

Oooh - it's 11.31 on the magic iPhone clock - and still no word...
Have been holding off taking the fistful of back pills in case she came home... but cant hold off anymore so will be claimed by the druggy sleep fairy pretty instantly! See ya all tmrw to hear the goss - how exciting!

bamboozled · 06/02/2013 23:32

Ps - thanks thumbwitch x

Original poster
chocoreturns · 07/02/2013 00:15

I came home at 10pm... he just left.

I can confirm good things about carpenters Grin

still not DTD for all of you gossip hounds lol, but ye gods I don't care - if the appetiser is anything to go by I've found a keeper (for now at least!) had to call off the fireworks so I could feed DS2, and he had to leave for work (he's starting at six am)

I do declare dating in my thirties to be MUCH better than anything my twenties had to offer.

OP posts:
MaBumble · 07/02/2013 00:17

De-lurking to say 'Get In!!' :D

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 07/02/2013 00:17

Blush Smile That's good news, Choco!

MaBumble · 07/02/2013 00:18

Oh, and yes 30s dating is awesome. If I could pick an age to stick at it would be, ohh, 36 I reckon

Original poster
chocoreturns · 07/02/2013 00:22

The whole dating game (with my all of three dates experience now lol) seems a lot more respectful and patient than it ever was before. Or is that just that I never managed to find respectful and patient men before?

OP posts:
Original poster
chocoreturns · 07/02/2013 00:22

and thanks Grin

OP posts:
blackcurrants · 07/02/2013 01:38

wooooopphh, did it get hot in here? [fans self] Grin

glad you got some good snogging action, mainly because it's BRILLIANT but also.I shoild say sincerely, choco - well past time you had a decent bloke treat you respectfully and be a great kisser as you deserve!

it's 8:30 pm here and I'm in my pjs giving the baby.his bedtime feed. Last night was a back-to-newborn-days horror, (and at 5 weeks!) so I'm off to bed myself the moment he is burped, swaddled, and asleep. For once I am chuffed with the time zone difference so I can say "get in!" without.staying up late Smile

MumVsKids · 07/02/2013 03:43

Glad you had a good night Choco Grin

tadjennyp · 07/02/2013 04:45

Sounds fabulous choco - well done you! Smile
Thank goodness for that bamboozled. I can recommend my physio for back pain - he's good with his thumbs Wink
Hope you get a good night's sleep on the East Coast blackcurrants and all the weather stays away.

AgathaF · 07/02/2013 07:54

Ooh, another lovely date. Fabulous - and may you have many more lovely carpenter dates.

AgathaF · 07/02/2013 07:56

Also, I do hope someone lets it slip to your STBex that you have been seeing someone. No matter how loved up he is with the new slapper, he is bound to feel a pang of jealousy - and good!

MaBumble · 07/02/2013 09:17

oh god no, don't tell him. He's only try and muck it up, or think he could pass comment, or in some way make it about him.

Keep it to yourself Choco (and us of course :)

porridgeLover · 07/02/2013 09:24

Whoo choco !!!

Living vicariously is great! Grin

lucky lucky carpenter to have had a shot at choco.

And not a whisper to T&T....having them find out from another source will be more enraging for them, and they wont have a chance to throw a spoiling remark in the mix (my ex told me he was'happy for me' in an oh-so-smug and patronising manner). Stick to the high moral ground, it never lets you down.

Original poster
chocoreturns · 07/02/2013 09:30

he'll try to dictate when/if he's allowed to meet the kids and be horrible about it so nope, this ones for me and all of cyberspace to enjoy.

Mum is going to sit for me on Sunday, so we can see each other again then. Happy happy!!

Out of interest, for those of you who have come out the other side and started dating, when did your now DP meet your kids? I thought 6 months was reasonable a year ago, but am beginning to realise that is a) unrealistic when the kids are here every single night of the week and I may be chaste, but 6 months is ridiculous and b) how a man is around my kids would be a huge factor in whether or not to take it any further. Whether it gets that far with this guy or not isn't really what I'm thinking of, just as a general rule, how long is too long to wait, and how soon is too soon to meet? Also, how old were your kids when you did introduce someone new?

OP posts:
Midwife99 · 07/02/2013 09:32

"I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it" la la la!! Sounds great & I bet you're walking on air this morning!!

No T&T must not have an opportunity to have anything to do with this - it is private and lovely!!

BerylStreep · 07/02/2013 09:56

How exciting!

AgathaF · 07/02/2013 10:08

I completely see why you want to keep this to yourself. Roll on Sunday, eh!