So, my husband and best friend has decided he no longer loves me...

[Beckett3]

and I'm lost.

We've been together almost 16 years, he's the only man I've ever loved and I love him so much.

We have 3 children and I'm 3 months pregnant with a baby he wanted. The stress this poor baby has been through recently what with my dad having a heart attack just 3 weeks ago too.

I keep trying to hate him, I realise he's given up without trying as his falling out of love with me coincides with him joining a dating site and meeting someone else on it.

My eldest (14) knows and it's destroyed her, I am absolutely dreading us telling my other 2, especially my 10 year old son as he's so sensitive.

I can't help but think of all the little things that I'll never share with him again because he really was my best friend.

Please if anyone recognises me from any of this, could you keep the pregnancy bit quiet, I have had an early scan due to a history of miscarriages but my next one isn't until I guess tomorrow now and I've only told 2 other people apart from H.

I would be so so tempted - but don't do this - to tag his new freind in the scan picture and put

New Step mummy.

Possibly then his friends would not be so simpathetic to him

pond life that he is

Shame on his friends. Knowing that you and his eldest daughter may read their ignorant comments.

The truth will out.

OP I'm so sorry for what you are going through, I've been there 8 months ago. Yes it's all part of the script. Right now he is infatuated with her so she is the only thing he's interested in. It won't last, he'll be bagging you to take him back at some point but you probably won't want him back by then.

You need to assume that everything that he says from now on is lies. Do whatever is best for you and your DCs. It is hard to get your head around because you have loved and trusted him for years and suddenly you have to get into a different mindset, he on the other hand may have been planning this for months.

Right now you are in shock and probably will be for at least a couple of months but I promise you it will get better and you will be happy again.

I agree with all the postings about what an awful situation you're in, how shitty your H has been and how you are going to be ok!
I feel slightly guilty posting this as I don't want you to have any false hope or add to your stress. It's just I went though exactly the same thing just over a year ago.
My husband told me on my birthday (just before we were going to start trying for our second child), that he didn't love me, that he didn't want to be with me ect. And call me conceited but I just didn't believe him and instantly diagnosed him as being depressed.
It's taken ages and a whole lot of understanding and forgiveness but I've since learnt that depression runs in his family (though you don't talk about it, or god forbid take medication), he was completely unprepared to deal with all the challenges of family life and unable to express how he was feeling.
He told me that it was a plan to say all the horrible things that he did because he thought that it would help me move on! That I deserved so much better than him and what he was able to provide.
I think that it would have been very easy to have split up at that point but nothing that he said made any sence to me. I didn't feel that it was my H that I was dealing with but just a very poorly man.

This man isn't my husband, but this is the man he is now and I would love dearly not to have anything to do with him anymore, sadly for my children, I think I will get my wish.

He was diagnosed with depression a couple of years ago, so I don't think it's that.

A slight funny thing happened a little while ago, it turns out that his sister has a mutual friend in common with the new bit, and of course his sister wasn't going to lie when this friend started asking questions!! He's gone and told the new bit that he's only known about the pregnancy since Tuesday, well she knows the truth now! H message his sister asking who she'd been talking to, because now hid new bit doesn't want anything to do with him!! I have no doubt she'll take him back, even though this is the 3rd lie she's caught him out in in the last week, but I can't help but hope he's feeling just a tiny bit of the grief he's caused his children.

Allrightsofar, have sent you a PM.

They deserve each other. What a pair. You will have him moaning to you about how hard his life is further down the line I bet. Idiot.

Even she understands that a man who would walk on out his family when his wife was 12 weeks pregnant with a planned baby is lower than scum.

No, from now on you cannot trust anything he says or agrees to. This is utterly predictable from every other affair thread that has ever been on MN. Get the car back ASAP, and freeze joint savings accounts or empty them into an account that only you are a signatory to. This is legal as they are joint property. The risk is that he may move money where you cannot access it, blow it all or run up debt on joint accounts. This isn't the person you think you know - he is more than capable right now of hurting you financially.

I'm sorry but you have to get yourself into the mindset that from now on you cannot trust him to do anything he says he will.

Start protecting yourself and the DC financially - take copies of all documents relating to his pay, pensions, investments etc. and keep them somewhere safe. Apply for single occupancy reduction on council tax, and to the CSA, and transfer any benefits to your own account. Don't make any agreements with him about money until you have seen a family law solicitor - try to see a couple this week using the free half hour consultation that many of them give. You do also need to get an STD check for your own health and that of the baby.

Don't allow him to just come and go at the house - he needs to see the children away from the house so he is not coming into your private space or confusing the children, making them think he might come back.

Blocking him on Facebook might spare you some pain too.

I moved a chunk of money into a separate bank account this morning, he doesn't as yet know.

I'll be applying to the csa as soon as the children are at school Monday morning.

I have all documents here and tbh I don't think he'd even think about asking for any of them.

I'm dubious over other womans morals as she is letting him her house with her children already after only meeting him for the first time Monday and I can't get my head round that at all.

It's pretty much a joke, him and the OW. A terrible, cliched, embarrassing joke. The reality is that her shock over the baby means she thought he didn't sleep with you anymore. She already knew he cheated on you - then she found out he cheated on her, too. Then she found out he lied to her over when he knew about the baby, and she'll be unable to resist digging for more info in future, so she'll learn the baby was wanted, too. No new relationship can cope with that level of doubt and insecurity - and she has kids who will have their own feelings about his moving in and are unlikely to be slow about showing them, when the novelty wears off if not immediately. He's also going to be a financial drain on her, because his salary will be chopped into a lot with 4 kids to support. It's got "disaster" written all over it in 50 feet high letters of fire.

It doesn't really matter, because she's not the main issue, sadly - he is, and what he has done and is doing. But that "relationship" is as likely to survive as snow in July. It makes Titanic look realistic. (And probably with a happier ending...)

You're being so together and brave about it all. It's horrible how often this happens on MN, but you are coping so amazingly. I hope you're taking the time to look after yourself and the little one, as well as your kids.

I know it's not Mumsnetty, but sod it: I am sending you a huge hug.

I appreciate the hugs! And everyone's kind words which really are helping me get through this.

My pregnancy nausea is awful, I'm heaving at the slightest thing and can barely eat anything, it's even keeping me from getting much sleep.

The children and the baby are getting me through this, they are what is making me strong.

Nothing your H and OW do in the near future will make any sense at all to a reasonable human being, but that is because they desperately need to pretend to themselves that this is some grand love story. It's how they rationalise the way they are treating and deceiving everyone.

Don't waste too much emotional energy on OW - obviously she is not the brightest bunny in the warren if she can fall for the 'my wife and I don't sleep together anymore' line - stay angry with your H! He is the one who owed you loyalty and respect.

I said about taking copies of everything because it is a fairly easy thing to do that could save a lot of annoyance down the road - you really can't predict what he will do - one MNer's ex-H who buggered off stripped their house of most of their stuff and kept letting himself back in for bits and pieces, which was obviously very distressing.

You're going to emerge from this much, much better than you could ever imagine - you're fantastically brave and capable, you've got your lovely DC, and there's a horde of MNers behind you!

FairPhyllis you really made me laugh!

I don't feel much towards the other woman, except insulted. I know that H has had a choice in everything and he's the one that will have to live with his decisions.

I took his house keys off of him the day I found out, I actually hate strangers in my house and that's what he is now. I also have paperwork hidden/shoved away in several different places and I doubt he'd be able to find them all even if somehow he got the chance.

I've just caught up with this thread and I feel so sorry for you Beckett.

Not much to add to the excellent advice so far, other than please get your midwife to arrange some sexual health screening, because it is absolutely inconceivable that he hadn't already had sex with this woman before he left. Stop trusting anything he tells you and stop thinking that he wouldn't stoop so low as to risk your health and that of your unborn child. He would.

Funnily enough Charbon I've just been looking into whether I can get tested at my doctors or if I have to go to a special clinic, having never had to worry about any of this before I don't have a clue. Do they do it at the doctors? It would be handier if they did.

It's really important that you speak to your midwives about it and they will make the arrangements for the tests to be done.

Beckett, I have no extra advice to offer you but boy you sound amazing.

Thank you AnyFucker, I don't feel very amazing though. Despite that and normally having quite low self esteem I've just realised I've never once asked myself 'what did I do wrong', now I'm not saying I'm perfect, far from it, but I straight away realised this was all him.

It is all him. You are quite correct. No matter what you did, or didn't do, you couldn't have prevented this.

Just came on to post exactly what AF did. You sound amazingly strong, OP. You might not feel it right now, but you really are.

Sorry this is happening for you.

If you ask your midwife i'm sure they will bring forward the screening which they do as part of the pregnancy. Just worth checking what the pregnancy based sexual health tests are - I know I was tested for a number including HIV as routine - then you can check whether there's a gap that needs to be filled through GP/clinic.

Another vote for your being amazing. Believe it or not, your kids are lucky. Plenty have two useless parents. They have a mum who makes up for ooh, probably about 3 or 4 more average ones.

I'm so sorry you are having to see them go through this, and I hope your father is doing okay, too.