Is it really important to confide in someone in life ...

[SummerDad]

You have been going through a rough relationship and it is tearing you apart. To the world, you seem a happy couple and you can't share the pain with anyone else perhaps you don't want to look miserable or your pain will cause a lot of distress to your near ones who you share it with and they can't help you.

You are stuck in the relationship for any number of reasons. You feel it is getting too heavy to bear, who would you share it with !!!

Try starting here? :)

Mumsnet probably.

or my best mate

You can see Relate on your own, if that would help. Someone completely impartial to just sit and listen and help you rationalise things.

Depends.... Eg a friend who doesn't know DH that well, anonymous Internet users on a family-based forum, woman next to me on the bus...

Why do you ask?

I saw a counsellor provided to me through work in the later part of last year and then during a particularly bleak moment I chose to bare my soul to someone completely inappropriate who I'll have to face now for potentially the next 12 years . Don't do that!

Hi SummerDad.

Hassled mentioned Relate - they have an email counselling service which might appeal to you. Don't know how much it is, but it has the advantage that you are writing something down (rather than talking, which sometimes feels very final) privately and you get some sort of outside perspective in return, in a fairly short timescale. Relate don't have a great name round these parts with certain problems (ie where there is domestic violence) but maybe that would at least get you started?

Or, if you're feeling brave, spit it out.

I personally would NC on MN though (and have done)!

Me again. Hope you don't mind Summerdad but I just advance searched and read your previous threads.

So you were at the point, I think, of going for counselling together? You were/are unresolved about whether it's counselling to improve the marriage or finish it amicably. And you have just had your first honest(ish) talk together for some time.

You've obviously now ground to a halt a bit and are feeling stuck again. Has she closed down the subject or refused to follow up the counselling idea?

When it comes to deeply personal matters, I very rarely confide in others.

Where I choose to confide I pick my confidant for their specialsm, as it were, and dress my particular issue/problem up as a theoretical question for any wider audience I may canvass opinion from.

In your circumstances I would suggest you source an accredited counsellor as, while a problem shared is not necessarily halved, it can help to unburden yourself knowing that what you say will go no further than the room.

Alternatively, this board is an invaluable source of quickfire wisdom, advice, inspiration, and commiseration.

thanks for your replies. The first step towards counselling is so daunting. How can I start sharing with a total stranger face to face. I am a very private person in real life. I prefer to keep my life so private that I don't even have any face book page in this day. How can I make it happen ?

Phone the Samaritans?

A good counsellor will be adept at putting clients at their ease and the first session will be in the nature of taking a history/determining what areas or issues you want to delve into - a kind of 'why you are there' chat.

It may help if you think of it as a 'debriefing'. Negative experiences can impede our personal growth by preventing us thinking or acting in a constructive or positive manner and the more we can counteract their effect, the smoother our passage through life.

Counselling can help fine tune your thinking by bringing clarity of thought and a sense of purpose.

" How can I start sharing with a total stranger face to face"

A total stranger, sworn to keep your confidence, is a kind of modern-day version of the anonymous priest in the confessional. It's more like talking to yourself than to someone else.

I think break it down into steps. You're not going to have to walk out the front door today and suddenly start confiding in a total stranger.

It is going to be someone you choose. The first step is to research counsellors, or if you've already found some you like the sound of, ask for an appointment with one. Email is an easy way to do this. That way you can allude to the general problem so they know it is marital difficulties you want to discuss, and that gives them a start. You could even say that you feel very hesitant about talking to someone face-to-face and will need a lot of encouragement - they will be very used to it. We can help you draft the email if you like?

The truth is, you've already made huge strides towards confiding in a stranger, because you've done it on here. You've done a lot of the hard work, and I think you know it will get you to a better place eventually - whether that's an improved marriage or not.