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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Reasons not to have an affair

252 replies

Callyfornication · 12/01/2013 22:00

Ok..... I am 23, he is 33. Ive been single for 5 months and he's married with a baby. Predictably, we work together, and we have to travel to France 1 week every 8 weeks. We went to France 2 weeks ago and on 1 night, after a lot of wine we ended up in his hotel room. Tbh I feel like it's been building up for ages and he's been the one putting the effort in buttttt he is fit and really sweet and I have enjoyed it....

Pleased to report we didn't kiss or shag but he gave it his best shot. I slurred about his marital vows and left.... I feel like a bit of an idiot for getting into that situation and can't guarantee if it happen again I wouldn't do it though, and the sexual tension is sky high. Ive spoken to a couple of mates about it who have all said they would have gone there which has made me feel a bit less guilty (but also less confident of what I'd do if theres a next time).

Advice? Could everyone tell me all the horror stories and worst cases so I don't go there....?

OP posts:

Report

Lollybrolly · 13/01/2013 09:54

To put it bluntly - you are flavour of the month just now but you could be anyone. This man is not looking for a relationship. He is looking for a warm wet hole in which he can plunge his cock in and out of behind his wifes back. It will all be on his terms as well.

Is that what you want to be - the current hole of choice???

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 09:57

Mosman - you'd really tear her hair out? Aside from general lack of dignity, wouldn't that just make a wife look like the unhinged and unattractive picture he'd painted - as well as being criminal?

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 09:59

Lolly - is it not at all possible that the OP might be more to him than a 'warm wet hole'? Not at all?

WinkyWinkola · 13/01/2013 10:01

Well even if she were more than that, he's still a liar and a cheater. Thus he is not hot and he is not a catch.

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:08

Well, he could still be hot. People fancied Warren Beatty and Mick Jagger after all.

WinkyWinkola · 13/01/2013 10:10

Yes and look what happened to them. Marianne Faithfull - poor cow. There are always women who fall for the creeps. And those guys - Jagger, Beatty etc treated women very badly. Gorgeous.

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:16

But my point is, they were still hot. This thread is so full of unchallenged generalisation, that's why I responded.

Lots of these posters seem to actually want the OP to be just a 'warm wet hole' because it makes them feel better about their DH's OW (or potential OW). But just cos we wish it, doesn't make it so.

WaynettaSlobsLover · 13/01/2013 10:17

Sundae girl. I'm wondering if you have ever been the OW. Would explain the bollocks you have posted.

WaynettaSlobsLover · 13/01/2013 10:18

In fact have a and let's hope you are never in the situation some posters on here have been in.

noblegiraffe · 13/01/2013 10:20

If the OP does mean more to this bloke you'd hope he'd have taken a classier approach than trying to take advantage of her when extremely drunk. Because that suggests sleaze more than honourable man caught up in turbulent emotions.

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:21

I've never been the other woman - and my DH is reading this thread! Which bit is 'the bollocks'?

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:22

Noble - almost everybody I know began their loving long term relationship with buckets of booze in them!

WaynettaSlobsLover · 13/01/2013 10:23

All of it. You know, you making excuses and insulting other mumsnetters saying they have 'issues'. Do us all a favour and eat your

noblegiraffe · 13/01/2013 10:24

A loving long term relationship with a married father?

higgle · 13/01/2013 10:25

Because the whole point of a relationship with someone else is to make you happy, and this one won't, it is as simple as that.

noblegiraffe · 13/01/2013 10:29

Sundae, don't mistake a drunken fumble between two single people who are interested in each other for what happened here. A married man with a baby at home taking his junior drunk colleague back to his hotel room and trying it on.
One is fine, the other is grim.

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:29

I've looked and I can't see anything that looks like an 'excuse'?

As for the issues, yes, many of the posters on here do have issues with this - that's why they're posting. I include myself in that since my issue is that so many OPs get treated to a formulaic barrage as happened here. Lots of generalisation.

cuillereasoupe · 13/01/2013 10:29

Sundaegirl, I can see where you're coming from to a certain extent. But you've overlooked the bit where the OP specifically asked for worst-case scenarios to put her off.

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:32

I'm not mistaking it, I'm just wondering why a (married) man can't genuinely be interested in his (junior) colleague? I know a few examples RL/public life where they've gone on to get married.

SundaeGirl · 13/01/2013 10:33

Cuille - er, yeah, that's true! Guess she got that!

cuillereasoupe · 13/01/2013 10:35

It does happen, but the circumstances here (specifically the fact that the OP was very drunk) don't suggest anything very honourable. And the fact remains that the OP is asking people to put her off the idea, hence the worst-case scenarios (scenarii?)

Looksgoodingravy · 13/01/2013 10:35

I blame ALL parties involved with dh betrayal!

Ego massaging. That's all this is. YOU could be anyone, he's after a cheap thrill and if you are willing enough to help him with this then more fool you. You will be dropped without a backwards glance if his wife finds out, once the bubble bursts he'll barely be able to say your name trust me.

I find the ow in dh's case so sad!

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EnjoyResponsibly · 13/01/2013 10:38

Mick jagger and co were also very, very rich and very, very famous. Cachet if you will as opposed to catch.

This man is some middle manager approaching middle age offering a drunken shag in a pre-paid hotel.

Not exactly the same.

Lollybrolly · 13/01/2013 10:38

I doubt the OP is the love of his life.

Sexual tension does not = true love.

If he wants to get to know OP and he honestly believes she is worth investing his time, emotions and care (as well as his cock) into then he needs to end his marriage first so he can wholly availabe and free to do this.

But no,unsurprisingly he seems very keen to get into her alcohol fuelled knickers rather than woo her with his free time, romance and courtship.

farmersdaugther · 13/01/2013 10:41

OP, going back to one of your earlier post, you mentioned that you won't lose your job for having an affair.

This might well be the case but you will lose your job for something else. Being drunk and making a fool out of yourself and the company in front of clients is a pretty quick way to get your P45. Also don't think that your colleagues aren't already talking about you and your behaviour. And if your colleagues are talking you can sure as hell guarantee your boss knows.

Make no mistake this guy will drop you like a hot potato when
a) He gets what he whats,
b) His job is on the line,
or
c) His wife finds out.

One or all of the above will happen. And trust me you'll find yourself in a impossible place.

Flip

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