Reasons not to have an affair

[Callyfornication]

Ok..... I am 23, he is 33. Ive been single for 5 months and he's married with a baby. Predictably, we work together, and we have to travel to France 1 week every 8 weeks. We went to France 2 weeks ago and on 1 night, after a lot of wine we ended up in his hotel room. Tbh I feel like it's been building up for ages and he's been the one putting the effort in buttttt he is fit and really sweet and I have enjoyed it....

Pleased to report we didn't kiss or shag but he gave it his best shot. I slurred about his marital vows and left.... I feel like a bit of an idiot for getting into that situation and can't guarantee if it happen again I wouldn't do it though, and the sexual tension is sky high. Ive spoken to a couple of mates about it who have all said they would have gone there which has made me feel a bit less guilty (but also less confident of what I'd do if theres a next time).

Advice? Could everyone tell me all the horror stories and worst cases so I don't go there....?

[farmersdaugther]

Stop being an idiot OP....do stupid things with men closer to your own age or older...but single men.

If he's happy to fuck around with you behind is wife back then who else is he messing about with. There is never just one other girl!

Have some self respect for yourself and someone marriage.

[bluebiscuit]

Cally- I know he's the one who made the marriage vows etc

But you are a human being and if you are a good one, you have humanity. OWs who say they aren't at fault are lacking in humanity. Don't be that person. You have a responsibility to other humans - in this case his wife.

Man shagging young female colleague whilst wife at home with baby/kids is a cliche repeated by thousands of people up and down the country every day. This man is selfish and arrogant. They always are - it's a pre requisite. Don't get involved. It is horrific all round.

Be assured that this man will definitely cheat on his wife. Not with you, with someone else. Don't have any involvement with a arrogant twat with baggage and who is deceitful. Wait until you find someone who is a actually single and can have a proper relationship with you.

[farmersdaugther]

Blue: very good post

[SooFrustrated]

No job requires you to drink multiple bottles of wine and get so legless that you find yourself in that situation.

Get some self respect and make it clear in no uncertain terms that the relationship is strictly professional.

[madgered]

don't do it! the damage and hurt you will cause if you are found out will be unimaginable.

[bluebiscuit]

Thanks farmersdaughter, I really hope it makes a difference to the op.

[Callyfornication]

badinage thats actually a good idea and I think I'll use it.... I thought I made my view on married=no sex quite clear but he is still being over friendly. I don't know if this is because he intends to try again or is trying to revert to previous friendliness....

[Viviennemary]

I think you did the right thing as you will most likely get hurt if you started an affair with this man. But so many many people have affairs there must be an awful lot of selfish people out there.

[Startail]

Because, to quote my DSIS,

"He's a lying, cheating, two timing bastard!"

[cheeseandpineapple]

Cally, it can be flattering and tempting, particularly if he's persistent and you're physically attracted to him but now he's sounding like a pest and taking advantage of you.

I was in your shoes once, around same age, maybe slightly older. I adored a guy at work, we had chemistry and banter but I never thought there was anything more to it than a bit of innocent flirting as he was married with a child and quite a devout Christian. But one night, after a work event, as we said goodbye, he kissed me. I was completely stumped as I never expected any lines to be crossed. We talked about it a few days later and he told me that he thought he should leave the company as he didn't want to cross the line further. He did end up leaving and I am soooo glad it never developed into anything.

Although I knew it was wrong then and knew it could get messy and didn't want to take it further, I was conflicted. It really is only now, nearly 20 years later, post kids that I can see how messy it would have been.

Very, very messy. You already know it's wrong and even if you haven't kissed, the lines are very blurry, he's crossed them even if you haven't quite and he hopes you will waiver if he persists.

Despite him looking fit, he is no catch.

Unfortunately for his wife, a line has been crossed and it is already very very messy for her as it turns out she is married to a prize twat. She may not know it yet.

But you do.

Is he more Snr? It sounds like harassment if you've made it clear you're not interested and he's persisting. Save the texts just in case and make it clear that he must stop propositioning you.

[Monty27]

Raise your bar Cally.

That is all.

[Smo2]

Actually @sundaegirl


Yes, both her and my dh were responsible.

I was speaking from the perspective of the other woman, not absolving him of his responsibility.

Until you are in possession of all the facts, and clearly from my short post, you aren't,then I suggest you refrain from making sweeping comments

And one day, I really hope this never happens to you, because then you might actually realise how hurtful that comment was.

[bbface]

This is a dreadful thread. The flippant way you post about considering sleeping with a married man and father of a newborn, the fact that your mates say they would have gone there and so you feel less guilty. In fact the whole post is quite disgusting.

No point giving you advise, because I very strongly suspect that if it is not this married man that you sleep with, it will be another down the line. You seem to lack any class or empathy and I have been quiet surprised about other posters being so kind.

[bbface]

My harshest post ever! And it could have been a lot worse

[Mosman]

I did it unknowingly when i was 20. I've never quite forgot the sight of him pushing the pram down Sutton High Street, wife at his side, baby of about 12 months sat up. Seriously affected me and I had no idea, how will you sleep at night ?

[ravenAK]

Look, never mind his wife & kid for a moment (although that should prick your conscience tbh).

This guy invites a plastered female colleague 10 years his junior back to his hotel room. Having been knocked back, instead of sobering up, realising he behaved appallingly, clearing the air by apologising to you & making it clear that your future interactions are to be Strictly Business....

...at which point he'd be a bit of a nob but a remorseful one who'd dodged a bullet...

...he carries on being 'over-friendly'. Because in the cold light of day, without 3 bottles of wine involved, he still quite fancies using you to boost his ego & he thinks that he's going to get a shag sooner or later.

He's not even a little bit sweet. He's a sleazy little creep. If he wasn't, he'd be giving you the widest of berths.

& if you are silly enough to service him, you are going to be the girl who sleeps with married sleazy creeps, either just for shits & giggles, which will make you look heartless, or because you've fallen for him, which will make you look a prize loser.

Neither is a good look in the workplace.

[cuillereasoupe]

He's looking at you thinking "she's clearly a bit of a slapper, I think I'll wait till next time she's pissed and have some of that".

[AnitaManeater]

Friends didnt recommend a relationship (not that I want one) but more said they felt the person with the spouse was the one who should be responsible for the moral high ground. If I had a husband and he had an affair I'd blame him not the OW

Technically you are correct, the blame lies with the wayward husband but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. I would keep your head down, I expect your behaviour hasn't gone unnoticed and she probably already suspects something.

[SunshineOutdoors]

There's no way this guy is sweet if he's doing that to his wife. Arsehole.

[SundaeGirl]

'He's looking at you thinking "she's clearly a bit of a slapper, I think I'll wait till next time she's pissed and have some of that".' - why? How do you know this? Is there no chance she's thinking 'She's gorgeous, so much lovelier than my mistake of a marriage'?

'No point giving you advise, because I very strongly suspect that if it is not this married man that you sleep with, it will be another down the line. You seem to lack any class or empathy and I have been quiet surprised about other posters being so kind.' - what?! Even leaving aside the pompous reference to class, why should any of this be true? The OP hasn't done anything but flirt, in fact, plastered, she still turned down someone she fancied.

There are loads more ridiculous sweeping generalisations, this thread is full of them,^ these were just near the top.

OP, a lot of the 'advice' you are receiving (how could you sleep, etc) is people with issues venting, it's no advice at all. But it is insight, from the sucking his dick/going down crudity to the spewing posts,you can see the strength of reaction. (If a posting name relates to fidelity then know it's personal!) Loads of women want to blame the OW for an affair so just assume if you do have an affair there'll be women like this talking about you!

[strumpetpumpkin]

if he won't think of his wife, then i would.
I know a few people who ate poly or in open relationships but even they wouldn't shag someone they suspected was just playing around behind their partners backs.
gross.

[cupcake78]

6 bottles of wine is alot! Don't think it isn't. If drinking does this to you then maybe you need to think is this the kind of person you want to be.

He will be trying it on with other women, at work or just friends don't think for one moment that your 'special' because your not! Your just a shag. Anything else he tells you is a load of rubbish with the intension of a shag. Just a shag, that's all it will ever be. Is that really all your worth?

He's playing you, he's lying to his wife, he's hurting his baby and you think he's sweet?!

He's played you like a fiddle and the only thing you should be feeling is very stupid for not seeing it and to still be tempted. See him for what he is, a fit (not so fit now tho is he) stupid, selfish, manipulative using bastard who is walking all over the woman he married and using you instead of his hand.

Do what you want but as a 34yr old with alot of life experience I can promise you you will never forget it. You will hate yourself for it the older you get and the more you grow up youll realise how much of fool he is making you look.

You will be paranoid about future partners and it will make you miserable.

He is a disrespectful child of a man who should be trodden on not surrendered to!

Shag a single man!

[Mosman]

I would blame my husband if he had an affair, absolutely. I'd also tear your hair out.

[WinkyWinkola]

Yuck. You find this man attractive? Really? He's creepy.