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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

contact help!

27 replies

bossmum41 · 12/01/2013 17:59

h has kids this weekend they were due at a party an hour ago and not arrived i rang h and asked where he was he text back to say kids dont ant to go, ive rang several times he wont answer his phone is now off. im scared ive asked him ti let me speak to kids he hasnt rang, shall i ring police?

OP posts:
balia · 12/01/2013 18:03

Sorry - not understanding why you are scared? Has he got form for not returning DC's? If not...maybe they just don't want to go to the party?

Original poster
bossmum41 · 12/01/2013 18:05

he wont answer his phones, they were so happy to be going,he has changed and came round to see me yesterday saying things about no man will be a dad to his kids, ive rang so many times and left messages why doesnt he let me speak t the children?

OP posts:
balia · 12/01/2013 18:23

Well, it can be very intrusive to have the other parent constantly ringing.

Do you feel they are in danger in some way?

Letsmakecookies · 12/01/2013 18:29

I get that you are worried, it would be unusual for children to not want to go to a party, and it sounds like he was quite aggressive verbally yesterday if he is threatening that no man will be a step father to his children. He is probably just making a stupid, ill considered point by all of this, unless you have reason to think otherwise.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 12/01/2013 18:36

of course im not being intrusive i rang him back he has my children! and i havent constantly rang!

OP posts:
Original poster
bossmum41 · 12/01/2013 18:38

yes i do think of something other his personality changes constantly from nice,crying,aggressive,bully. and now this children should of been back and still no answer so of course im worried!

OP posts:
balia · 12/01/2013 18:51

You said you'd rung 'So many times', and whilst you may have decided that isn't intrusive, he may not share your view. He may feel that actually, he has his own children; his parenting time, his decisions.

Are you now saying he was supposed to have returned them from contact and you are worried he has abducted them, or had you asked him to return them early so they could go to the party?

You do seem very panicked so I'm sure there is a back story but I'm just going on wehat you have posted on this thread.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 12/01/2013 19:01

no he was taking to party but they havent arrived! i have rang but why shouldnt i am worried! ive rang the police.

OP posts:
balia · 12/01/2013 19:07

What did they say?

Original poster
bossmum41 · 12/01/2013 19:08

they are on their way to me.

OP posts:
SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 12/01/2013 19:58

I hope the police find your DC, and I hope it's something trivial like his car broke down and phone battery ran out. But if he's generally abusive and has been making threats, stop contact and see a solicitor; put DCs' safety ahead of whatever this man wants.

izzyizin · 12/01/2013 21:17

I second Solid. Once you have your dc back home with you, stop contact and see a solicitor who specialises in family law asap.

Please post an update when you have time.

cestlavielife · 12/01/2013 21:28

Have you got anew partner or is there reason for him to to be saying such things ? I agree if he is generally an angry person you right to be worried. How Long have you been separated and is the contact court ordered ?
How old are the children ?
Where does h have them ? Is there another friend who might be able to check at his house ?
He may be just trying to exert control over what they do n "his" time

Original poster
bossmum41 · 13/01/2013 09:12

no i dont have anyone in my life.he left xmas 2011 he hasnt turned up at court to sort contact out he only lives round the corner but i cant get to the property due to security gates. he is supposed to have them at his but there is no answer. the children are 5 and 7. he said a couple of months ago that he will move away soon to be with his other woman and stop contact with children and hope that one day they will find him! ive still not heard anything.

OP posts:
Walkacrossthesand · 13/01/2013 09:26

So let's get this straight. Were DCs due to be with their dad all weekend? I presume so as it's now Sunday morning and your latest post doesn't read like they were due back yesterday and haven't come back. There was a party they were supposed to go to yesterday - he decided they weren't going, you disagreed and called the police. What did the police say (all this was happening during agreed contact time I presume)? It doesn't sound like your ex has ever threatened to take the DCs away - if anything, the opposite. Remember that contact time with parent is exactly that - you don't get to tell him how to spend it, and he gets to accept/refuse any party invites that are during his contact time.

Original poster
bossmum41 · 13/01/2013 09:37

no not all weekend he had them friday night was taking them to a party saturday day and didnt turn up children should be with me on saturday and today. there is no answer on his house phone or mobile.

OP posts:
Original poster
bossmum41 · 13/01/2013 09:41

his contact time with the children is when he feels like it and is constantly letting them down, he is a bully and very controlling. i havent told him how to spend time with the children he agreed to take the children to the party .

OP posts:
SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 13/01/2013 10:19

Are your children back yet? If there is no court order you can just stop contact due to his threats and abuse. See a solicitor tomorrow.

If your chldren are not home yet, what do the police say?

Original poster
bossmum41 · 13/01/2013 10:22

no there are not back. he has contacted me children rang,dont know where they are but oldest was crying saying he had just had a smack and wants to come home. i told him i want the children back he told me to shut up and put the phone down.

OP posts:
SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh · 13/01/2013 10:25

Call the police again, say you are scared he is going to harm the children and that they need to track him down.
He is probably just trying to frighten you, because he's a shit, but as this is frightening the children as well, the police need to find him and bring them home. Then call a solicitor first thing and take steps to go to supervised contact only.

Has this man been violent to you or the children and has there been any police or SS involvement previously?

Original poster
bossmum41 · 13/01/2013 10:32

he has pushed and shoved and my sister was witness and she rang police and reported him that was a few months ago. im already on to solicitors friend has a friend who is going to ring me.

OP posts:
cestlavielife · 13/01/2013 10:33

Is it just bus house With decúbito or is it a bloc? If a block get a friend and go round and call on every bell til someone let's you in.

Also call police.
Are they due at school Monday morning? Is he likely to keep them or turn up today ?
I don't think you should allow contact again til talked with solicitor

Original poster
bossmum41 · 13/01/2013 10:37

its a few flats . yes due at school im hoping he will turn up later as he also has work hes just trying to keep control and make me sweat. solicitor will be on the case from monday.

OP posts:
annielouisa · 13/01/2013 11:20

I hope the children are back with you soon. First thing on Monday make sure not just the solictors but the school, social services everyone knows about this man's behaviour.

3littlefrogs · 13/01/2013 19:44

Thinking of you OP, and hoping you have had some news. You must be so worried.

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