Can't afford to split up

[Misskittywhisker]

After many years in an unhappy relationship I am nearly at the point where I consider ending it. I ve stayed because I can't afford to leave and the children would not be able to do all their activities. The time has come where the balance is more for leaving . Has anyone else been in this position and what gave you the final push - I m nearly there but not quite..,,

May I suggest you report this post and ask for it to be deleted and then solicit advice on finances on the thread you created earlier today.

Having 2 threads running concurrently on what is essentially the same topic can only serve to fragment the responses you get and those who respond on one thread won't get the bigger picture.

In addition, sticking to one thread will serve as a chronicle of your journey out of what sounds to be a most unsatisfactory relationship.

Well, your choice is whether to find a way to make it tolerable to stay, or to split up and make a new life. That may or may not include the same range of (paid for) activities for your DCs.

Perhaps you need to start making an actual plan? Tis needs to cover the big ticket admin/finance issues, but also more generally what your and DCS lives will look like in new circumstances. Are their other (cheaper/free) things they could do? Indeed, if you can make a happier home base, will they need/want the same range of activities? As you work on your possible new admin, you may find greater clarity about what you really want in your future.

It's actually a whole different topic izzy. I am curious to know if I m the only one and what was the final push for others. It is less about my relationship and what to do. I m just wondering if maybe I m not alone in this fact?

It might help you to look through the information and links here.

As evidenced by olgaga having posted the same immensely helpful link on your other thread, I disagree that this is in any way different topic and one look around this board should be sufficient to convince you that you're by no means 'the only one' who has stayed far too long in a relationship you should have ended when he had his affair with your best friend.

That said, I'll hide your threads as I find it frustrating when the bigger picture is fragmented in this manner.

I am actually in a similar position to you, although for me it's more that I have to have been given the most excellent advice to get my head sorted out (am taking ADs, councilling, etc for depression) before making any life-changing descisions, like a divorce would be.

The 'final push' is just another way of saying what's your tolerance limit. That's going to vary hugely from individual to individual. If things are truly intolerable then relatively trivial things like money or children's activities are not going to stand in your way.

Izzy I was feeling pretty cheerless when I posted my third ever mums net post and I can't say you ve either cheered me up or offered sound advice. Thank you to the others though as its good to read I m not alone or stupid for staying and that there are practical solutions if I can separate out the emotions. I shall be busy reading and researching info!

Read some of the dafter posts on AIBU and Chat while you're here, they can help cheer a body up!

oh, also in Classics! Lots of good, silly fun in there!