The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

Good Morning! several inches of snow here - I have not gone to Birmingham - just wasn't going to risk it. DD is poorly - hot and sniffly and really pale, so she's at home and ds has, as he so succintly puts it, 'the trots' so, whilst not an official 'snow day', we are all at home today!
BLOODY CAT!!!! he was squeaking from 5am again. i went down and fed him, which didn't interest him much, showed him outside, which freaked him out, pushed him towards his litter tray which he sniffed disdainfully and then went back up. He follwed me at a rate of knots and carried on squeaking arghhh - I don't think he's miserable but just don't know what it is! he is giong to be shut in the kitchen tonight
So glad you had a good day mouse sorry it left you in pain though :( baby I had a friend with crohns, I have to say it sounds awful - I'm so sorry. purple aw, it's so wonderful when people are just kind for no reason isn;t it. Sad, in a way, that we notice things when it would just be lovely if everyone was nice all the time {deep} . Well, I'm still in bed 'working from home' so best check on my poorly babies. Be back later. Stay safe x

I know mia, and I understand. Perhaps you could add just one word to your sentence...... I can't YET conceive of a social occasion without drink..... just to keep the possibility open

What I really notice reading the thread is that when you're not drinking your posts are witty, intelligent, bright, thoughtful, funny, poignant .... and when you are drinking your posts are flatter and sadder. Of course that's usually afterwards, rather than while you're drinking, but I know which type of weekend I'd rather spend mia-time with.

On the topic of boring-ness (and this is to everyone (and myself)) I know that when I was drinking I used to think that non-drinkers were boring, but I also know that part of that was due to my own desire to get absolutely hammered as quickly as possible, without the feeling of someone disapproving. And it was also partly because 2 of the non-drinkers actually were boring and censorious - all the time - they were just really, really boring and judgmental people (imho ). But I also had friends who didn't drink much who were really great, and I appreciate them and their company much more now that I did previously (especially since one of them had stopped coming out with me because I was such an idiot - there's more than one restaurant that has politely asked me not to come back ).

But despite that, I too found it really difficult to imagine the 'me' I would be if I wasn't drinking, I worried that without the dutch courage I'd be a shy retiring wallflower. And maybe I am. But I like the 'me' a lot better, and I've learnt some better ways to deal with uncomfortable social occasions (like not going sometimes, including not going out with the the 2 boring judgmental people ), and I've also had some of the funniest, best, most heart-warming times with my real friends.

purple there ARE lots of nice people around, sometimes it's hard to remember that when there is so much sadness in the world.

I was anxious last night in case the schools closed and I couldn't go to work. no choice really, but i suppose because I have a reputation for being lazy I'm worried my boss will think I haven't tried hard enough. her kids school is also closed but she is working from home. I can't do that, my job is not set up to be able to do that...
day 17!

(Bugger! Wrote a fairly long post and the site banged out - I lost it! Bugger!! Off to get a coffee and start again)

(It was REALLY food, too )

(No, no, no!!! GOOD!*)

(Good grief!)

Morning, tis me, Mouse

I've just seen THIS and wanted to post it as a Monday morning cheer up

venus - I love that post, you are rocking right now lady, I'm loving the advice that you are posting, it is so, so, so relevant to me too. In other areas of my life. But thank you, the Yet, adding that one word is so very true isn't it?

Take the pressure off Mia. Look forward slowly, think about life ODAAT. That's how we have to live as addicts.

Purple - 'Chris' did it because there are nice people out there still, there are people out there who give a shit about others and there are people out there who want to do it just because they can.

Darling Purple - you will find someone, but honestly? IMO, you have to love yourself first. I mean all of you. Every last thing, warts and all before you'll be really, truly ready to let someone into your life on a more permanent basis.

You have to heal. You have to want to heal sweetheart. You have to be happy in your own skin before you can reveal yourself to someone else completely.

I know that you are lonely at times, I know that you crave someone warm to hold you, someone to say it's going to be okay to you, face to face. I know that. I can feel the sadness in your posts.

You WILL be happy Purple, you will be safe, loved, wanted and needed but first, darling lady, first you have to heal yourself. And, if you'll let us, this Bus, your GP, whoever, we will help you to get there.

Keep going sweetheart xxxxx

Emin - Loving the NC I take it it's 'EmInEmmerdale'?

We've had tonnes of snow, so lovely if you don't have to be out in it. Sorry to hear about DD and DS. Brilliant post about you finding the real 'me'. Go on girl!!

I had a bit of a wobble this morning, with Nemo. I really didn't want to leave him. I mean really. I think it's because I'd been away from him over the weekend and yes, I know that I am a daft old tart but still, he's so little still compared to all of the other children.

Anyway, I'm going to get on with my day, keep busy and keep going until 3pm when I can trudge carefully through the snow (thick as you like, on top of sheet ice, still falling) with my stick and scoop him up in my arms and kiss his cold little cheeks until he squirms and giggles to be put 'down mamma bear'

What's everyone else up to today?

Thank you Koti, Emin, Mia (()) and Joey Just having a bit of a 'dip' at the moment. It doesn't usually last long and I will be back to 'normal' (whatever that is!) soon. It sort of looks like I'm looking for validation through finding a man but, despite my toddler-like foot stamping, I'm not, really. Being single is sometimes shit and sometimes preferable! I have great swathes of time where I'm happy as I am and not 'looking'. xx

Mouse, thank you. I do understand what you are saying and, for some of the time, you are spot on. I am much better than I was. Living life sober is difficult as, like Saturday, it would have been so much easier to fall into a bottle of wine to take the edge of being lonely - but, I didn't. (Too Deep Alert) It's been a long journey to be able to like myself (and I don't always) as the people who should have liked me - didn't. Still have shades of my childhood to try and shift. As for loving myself - I have no idea how I'm going to get there Sweet.

scoop him up in my arms and kiss his cold little cheeks until he squirms and giggles to be put 'down mamma bear' - Such a sweet vision. x

Venus Great post, personal and inspirational. Coping with the social side of this Evil is hard. I am often nervous in a large crowd or people I don't know very well. It's hard to leave your 'Party Girl' cloak behind - even when you know it's a crock of shit. I've managed several social situations sober, now, and I need to recognise I can do it and build on it.

Having the worst craving for Bucks Fizz today. The whole 'Day Off = Bucks Fizz" train of though. And it's OK to drink Bucks Fizz in the morning because even naice people do it! (Yep, Purple they do BUT ONLY ON CHRISTMAS DAY AND ONLY THE ONE!) And I know full well, one bottle won't be enough and, if I start now, I'll carry on all day and mess DC's 'snow' day up totally. I will not drink today.

Off to find some ginger beer instead.

PS Koti Anyone dancing Gangnam style is well enough for school. Lol!

Hi all brave babes I've fallen off the bus in spectacular fashion. Was invited to a neighbours for drinks on Saturday night. Have not had a drink since 2nd January & felt that this then warranted me drinking wine. Needless to say I got very drink, drank pink champagne, sparkling, rose & white. Have big blanks but my friend has told me I tried to attack my dh & her dh. A woman there who I had only met once sai she didn't think I was like that! I've apologised to everyone there for my behaviour.
I've phoned in sick to my work today as still feel so awful. The hangover I had yesterday was like no other I have ever had.
I am full of self loathing & feel like a shit mum, wife, friend, neighbour, just feel like a complete loser.
I have to stop drinking wine. It is so unbelievably toxic for me. I can't handle it, it makes me behave shockingly horrible. I feel like I have an addiction to it. Feeling so low & sorry for myself. Sorry for me, me, me post x

clutter :( So horrible. Can you look at this as a turning point? I've done things like this so many times and the hatred for oneself is awful. Apologising is grand but it comes to a point (bitter experience) where people are sick of you aplogising and just don'[t invite you anywhere, don;t find it 'endearing' or 'oh that's just emin, she's always getting pissed and doing that' and you have no-one left. Sorry, does this sound harsh? I hope not, I just want you to not get to that stage. You're not any of those bad things you say you are - you just can't drink - accepting that is really difficult. Look after yourself today and I hope I haven't sounded too self -righteous xxxx

Oh, Clutter you poor thing. Look, you've messed up and made a bit of a tit of yourself. You can't turn the clock back. You have to look forward from here and let this incident strengthen your resolve to not drink. You have done so well going 18 (?) days without booze - don't forget that in your pain. Beating yourself up won't do you any good. If you let it make you feel hopeless/helpless you may well pick up the bottle again. Be practical now, you've apologised to those involved, there is nothing else you can do about the past.

I have to stop drinking wine. So, stop Sweetpea - you've done it before and you can do it again. Move forward from here now.

Sending you strength, love and hugs. xx

oh clutter I bet you are kicking yourself now it's interesting how we seem to get worse hangovers when we're drinking less - I guess it shows how much our poor bodies learnt to tolerate alcohol... so in a way it's good, it shows how far you've come.

try not to beat yourself up, each time you make a mistake and have to start again it gets easier.

babyjane how are you doing? have you been to the doctors?

To make you Babes smile, I have sent you the gift of a link. Now, don't all rush at once! I spotted him first! xx

www.pof.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=49538216

Hi everyone,

I am glad I have found you because I think I'm going to need some support. I have realised that I have a problem with alcohol. Specifically I am the cliche of the middle class mum cracking open the wine while cooking dinner and then pushing on through. I have been trying to only drink on a Saturday night but Christmas messed that up and we were drinking every night. I decided I would do a dry January but only lasted 2 weeks :(

Today I have realised this has to change. I drank a bottle and a half of wine last night and woke up to do the school run and realised I was still drunk. Made an excuse re the snow and ice and my lovely DH (who has a perfectly normal relationship with alcohol) took them instead.

I went back to bed, woke up at 10 with a headache and made the decision - that can NEVER happen again. This isn't just "liking a drink" anymore, I have a problem. I don't drink every day but when I do I can't stop. I am not brave enough to discuss it with DH though - I am hating myself and really judging myself. I am a much better wife and mum when I'm sober and I am really focussing on that.

Anyway, I look forward to chatting to you all.

clutter I have been there too may times. The paranoia and feeling of absolute regret is awful, but it sounds like its going to help you focus on not letting that happen again and get you back on the right track?

Hi MrsMalinky, this is my first day back on this thread after months away. I have exactly the same problem as you. Lovely family, nice life but still cracking open a bottle of wine at 5pm if not a gin and orange at 4pm!
I had great support here last summer and I'm sure you will get lots of support too. I'm not sure I'm in any position to give you advice but I completely understand your situation.
I think if you can its really good to come on here every day to remind yourself what you are trying to achieve.
I'll be here to say hello and offer a nice cup of tea.

Ohclutter I'm sorry painful reminder of an evening - write it down to help with memory fade the next time.

Curry this is one of the best posts I have seen on this board and really made me think. "Drink tho can be the greatest inhibitor of change... drink fosters inertia, a fake complacency in the otherwise intolerable"

Much love babes, keep on keeping on xx

Thank you emin not harsh & it all rings so true. I think my friends have forgiven me one too many times & this morning my friend phoned & said she was worried as she had never seen me that bad & she felt really sorry for my dh
purple thank you for telling me to be strong, the way I feel just now I feel I deserve to beat myself up for acting like such a complete tit, I am sick I it & I need to cut wine out of my life. Thank you for your love & kindness I appreciate it so much. at your sexy man pic! Xxx
alias thank you for support. I agree this sort of behaviour is happening too much. I hate myself when drinking wine. I need to get into the mindset that I can't drink it and be strong when out in saying no to it! It feels like it is a drug that strongly disagrees with my chemical balance.
Thank you mrs malinky I completely agree that I am a much better wife & mother when not drunk or hungover. Good luck to you & welcome to this amazing bus xx

Thank you greeneyed I think I will go & write down now while it is so fresh & re-read whenever I feel tempted by ww!! I actually hate her, she is evil! X

Haven't read all the other posts yet but just want to say Venus thank you - that was a really lovely, thoughtful and truthful post, and I very much appreciate it. xx I do feel flat and sad at the moment.

Thank you Purple & Mouse too. Onwards and upwards, eh.