The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Are Going To Need A Bigger Bus!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

Welcome to the Brave Babes Battle Bus, it's a place of solace, support and sanctuary, but also it's also a Bus full of chatterboxes, waffling on about all sorts!

Our aim this year is to kick the WineWitch or WW into touch and get sober!

Some of the Babes on board are doing Dry January, some drink in moderation, some just drink. Some of us are sober, some of us are trying so very, very hard to be.

Some of us have been dry for days, weeks, months and some of us years...... some of us are just starting out and are scared of what stopping drinking means. It's not forever, it's just for today if that's what you want.

We have a saying on the Bus One Day At A Time. Or ODAAT

Take each moment, each day and each blip as it comes.

Although some Babes have been here a while and kind of 'know' each other, we all have different lives, different roles to play, different places to sit on the Bus, but we ALL have or have had abusive relationships with alcohol and we're here because we want that to change; for the better.

EVERYONE IS WELCOME HERE so don't be afraid to just jump right in and say hello. Post as much or as little as you like! It's all up to you.

For those who want to catch up - here is the PREVIOUS THREAD

And the first ever thread, with links to the others over the last almost 3 years! FIRST THREAD

Thank you, I will.

Why did I want to hurt myself? I regularly wake up after drinking with horrible images in my head about taking the cowards's way out. It's a mixture of guilt and self loathing I think. I'm not a stupid person I don't think so I really can't fathom why I have so far failed to get to grips with this particular issue.

Gah, sorry, on my phone & this thread is huge so very slow to load!

change have you had any therapy/ counselling or anything to explore why you sabotage yourself? You're in the right place here, this is a very warm and safe space to explore how you feel.

No therapy yet but next week I'm going to ARA for a drop in session so they can assess what they can do for me. I had a few counselling sessions there a few years ago but I wasn't ready to be honest a I really didn't like the person I was assigned which is hardly surprising considering she joined AA at the same time as me a couple of years later .

[Grin] at your counsellor ending up in your AA meeting. I used to think you had to 'click' with your therapist, but I recently had 6 sessions with a CBT therapist and I didn't click with him at all to begin with, thought it was going to be a complete waste of time tbh. But actually, after a couple of sessions he really got the measure of me and it turned out to be the most useful therapy I've ever had. With the NHS it's the luck of the draw who you get, unfortunately, and also how long you wait (two years in my case).

Please turn to the bus when you have those thoughts of hurting yourself, rather than the bottle. Have you told your GP you're having those thoughts? There is a lot that they can do for you (I know it doesn't always seem like that).

Sorry not to be keeping up but you're all in my thoughts babes. Mia how creepy of DP's colleague - as you say, WTF! It's a good example of what people can do when they're pissed and hopefully he feels mortified this morning. Doesn't sound like you overdid it last night so no self-flagellation you hear!

Welcome Change, I too have been in the never ending cycle of drink/guilt/sober/drink again and this has been going on for many many years. Back in May last year I went on Antabuse because everything else had failed and stayed sober for 3 months. Inevitably when I stopped taking it I started drinking again but I think Antabuse helped me in that I'd gone someway to breaking the habit. I've found that I drink far less often now (I'm a binge-drinker) and am committed to not going back to where I was. I opened a bottle of wine on Friday afternoon because I really fancied it but didn't get the usual enjoyment out of it and didn't finish it. I'm hoping this might mark a sea-change in my relationship with alcohol - maybe I'm finally waking up to the fact that feeling normal is just fine and dandy and that the booze buzz is a big fat lie.

Yes I've talked to the GP about the suicidal thoughts but failed to mention the drinking . I've stopped taking the ADs now because I felt like a zombie.

Are there any side effects to Antabuse?

Any alcohol you take will reduce the effect of your AD's. Also doctors recommend that you come off them gradually. If they are making you feel drowsy then you need to either alter your dosage or look at an alternative. Your GP will advise you. Please be honest with your doctor.

I have tried the drink sober drink cycle until I was blue in the face. Today you took a drink in the morning to 'take the edge off' that is a new chapter in your relationship with alcohol. Make your plan for today, hour by hour if you need to. Plan some nice things, pedicure, bubble bath, good film. And get through being kind to yourself. What's done is done now. Time to move forward! Xxx

Hi Change, no I had no side effects at all from Antabuse apart from feeling a bit sleepy when I first took them, but that soon wore off. It can be difficult to get it prescribed though and you have to be quite tenacious! *Huey's" right, having an "eye-opener" is significant so well done for posting.

change welcome and well done for being brave and making the first step in posting.

you may have to try different ADs to see which ones suit you best?

mia the dinner party would have been 'boring' without alcohol? really ? any proof of that?!

also the colleague flirting - its awful to imagine thats the stupid kind of thing we might do when we are drunk...

I hope that didn't sound rude. my in-laws are the most boring people ever but I have survived 4 evenings (about once every 2 months) sober with them, and I don't think alcohol makes much difference.

except that I'm less likely to get involved in a stupid argument when MIL quotes the daily mail

I haven't had a drink whilst with my in laws for several years & it's always been fine. They're lovely but somewhat tedious people inthe manner that most 70 something yr olds are.

I'm feeling a little better. I've spoken to dh about Antabuse and asked him to supervise me taking it for the first week whilst gets into my system. I don't want him to have that responsibility really though so that will only be in short term. I think taking the choice away for a while might give me a fighting chance to get onto the right track. I'm going to make a GP appointment as soon as I'm out of bed (can do it online) so that I can't make excuses later.

Thank you ladies. I'm feeling more positive & no longer contemplating hanging myself from the nearest tree lol. No laughing matter, I know, but I have to laugh otherwise I might... Er... Hang myself from the nearest tree?

just been out for a snowball fight with DS to keep myself occupied and avoid the ironing
What can I do for the rest of the day which doesn't involve putting anything in my mouth?

change well done on joining the bus,you are very welcome here.
I think that the kindness and support we all receive here goes a long way to letting us all be honest about how we drink. No one judges here and a little kindness goes a long way when we're (I'm) trapped in that drink, guilt etc cycle.

Good luck at the Dr's - if you can't face saying anything just write it down and give it to the Dr.

Morning babes,

mia Cheeky bastard! Hope he apologises ffs.

kotinka New start today,lovely.

I went to a new aa meeting last night and it was really nice, very friendly and a good place to be on a snowy saturday night. Unfortunately, I got collared by the aa bore at the end.He just kept going on and on about how I HAVE to do this and I HAVE to do that. I HAVE to do all of those things right away, can't wait any longer.Then he cast aspersions on my ability to care for my child unless I did all of those things right away. Sorry, but he got right on my tits. he didn't bother asking me anything or let me get a word in edgeways. I made an excuse and legged it over to some more sensible people after 15 mins.

I understand what he was saying, and I'll probably do some/ most of the things he suggests in my own good time. But I can honestly say that if it wasn't for the fact that everyone else has been sensible and just made suggestions when asked I would have left and not gone back. You can't force people into doing anything, no matter how brilliant you think it will be for them.

He did just want to help but it had the reverse effect I'm afraid.

guggs that meeting sounds counterproductive!

anyone else watching movies 24? I love a good disaster film, especially when it's blowing a blizzard outside! we've already watched the Day After Tomorrow

guggenheim and about the AA bore. Definitely avoid him, but good for you for not didmissing the whole meeting.

Thanks lovelies,hope I didn't cause offence.
Some of the real 'old timers' have been the most laid back about everything. The funny thing is that someone who was an ex street drinker has turned out to be a lovely, kind, sober man, whereas the well dressed youngish bloke next to me turned out to be a twit!
He was only trying to help, so I shall get off my high horse now.

We have loads of proper snow here now! Have been out for a lovely long walk with dh and ds : ) Wonderful, until we peeled off ds's snowsuit to 'discover' more pooy pants. Sigh. Potty training really can drive a woman to drink y'know.

Hope you are all well and enjoying the snow today.

Aa is just like any other cross section of society. You get the good folk and you get the knobs. Just smile and nod and then ignore. Don't let it put you off xx

yes, I'm sure that's right.

Thanks x

was watching an episode of the Big Bang Theory and Leonard and Penny get really drunk, and I was so jealous.. how do most people just manage to drink some days, and stay sober other days...

getting very anxious about the weather... I think the school will close again and I will have to tell my boss I can't go in tomorrow. we have a lot of heavy snow. getting worried just thinking about how to explain it (her son goes to a private school and also she has a childminder as backup)

I nearly forgot - Day 16!

what's the weather like with you Babes? mouse did you get snowed in at the spa?!

Hi it's me EastHolly Have n'c'd as got bored with my name! Gosh, what a busy bus! Welcome to needchangenow so glad you're here. I spent too many years drinking in the morning - it was 'normal' for me and horribly difficult to stop, so I understand how you felt today. Your story is not dissimilar to mine - you can do it and you are not a 'useless drunk' If you were, you wouldn't want to change! I too, struggled with AA, which was a shame but it really isn't for everyone. AD's - yes the alcohol really messes with them and you have no idea it's doing so - have been on a fairly heavy duty one for years now, and it's only the times when i'm sober that I realise they work sorry mia and kotinka that you feel bad about last night. It's so bloody hard. My mother came over for lunch today and brought red wine. She had a glass and has left the bottle so dh has hidden it form me - I'm feeling a bit tempted and it wouldn;t take much. It has snowed all day here and dd and I have been in the garden making snowmen which was lovely. Supposed to be going to the Midlands tomorrow to a workshop but I am going to refuse to go. I don't care, even if it isn't snowing anymore, I have no wish to get up at 5 am get a 6am train, and return at 2. Sod it! The MonsterCat is being a pathetic llumo and refusing to leave the house! I donlt really blame him but he needs to exercise! He doesn;t lie down he just sort of falls over when he wants to sleep. It's quite funny but we have to get him moving! Anyway, that's quite enough from me. I Hope everyone is feeling ok now. xx

Joey I'm watching Come Dine With Me (bored, obviously!) and they are drinking Champagne, red wine, white wine.....meh! x

eastemin what is a llumo ?!

school have sent text to say they are closed tomorrow. I want a drink.

@ Joey
how do most people just manage to drink some days, and stay sober other days...

This is probably spectacularly unhelpful(!) but I just do! I drink on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night and I really look forward to that first mouthful (especially on an empty stomach), I enjoy that gently fuzzy feeling that I get after a couple of glasses and I usually finish the bottle...... However, today for example I don't want a drink, it isn't even a question I ask myself and I wont want a drink until Thursday this week. Last night I drank less than normal because I was really tired and fancied half an hour in bed on my own reading my kindle, so I left the last glass of wine and DH watching Match of the Day and went to bed! But that didn't make me feel deprived or resentful.....

I don't enjoy hangovers, and actually feel quite ashamed if I suffer one, so I know my limits and rarely drink more than I know I can feel ok with. When I do have a more 'protracted' drinking period (Christmas and my summer holiday) I enjoy it for what it is and it feels quite decadent to drink every day but am always glad back to get back to normal!

But all of this is just what I do, mostly without concious thought, and following the bus I think this is the significant thing that separates the 'normal drinkers'.... I hope that doesn't offend anyone.....

I hope my waffle makes sense! Not sure it will help you much Joey, I just thought I'd try and add some insight from my perspective