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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The all new, sparkly,2013 Dating Thread - 35!

999 replies

watchoutforthatsnail · 06/01/2013 21:01

off you go.

OP posts:
Nomorepain · 08/01/2013 23:07

Well, we have now exchanged a few messages. I think he has got some business worries that are seriously getting him down and affecting his confidence. Don't think he is a prospect. Not because of financial
issues just don't think be is in right place. I feel like I've been set free recently. My heartbreak has been replaced with optimism and positivity and I want someone that adds to that not takes it away. Not sure I will find it online so to might be the way to go!

snape good luck for tomorrow. Hope you and Dumbledore have the spark thing!!!

OhWesternWind · 08/01/2013 23:12

Bant you are all dated out. You have dating fatigue. Have a pause to catch your breath. Shoegirl is a caaaah btw.

And Snape - vicariously excited about the Dumbledate. Got everything crossed for you.

lubeybooby · 08/01/2013 23:13

Ah OWW well sometimes with the numbers game those lovely, easy, mega buying customers would be the first ones in that day. (maybe like for grinchie) Sometimes they would be like buses, and I'd have days, maybe even a week of shite and then a day chock full of brilliant ones! But the numbers would always add up in the end, a goodun for every 10 or 20.

Same with OD (although the stats and numbers involved will be different of course but you get the idea)

My friend happily married for a year now to the first person she spoke to on OKC, for example.

I think it's more likely that people go through the potatoes and duds first though!

At least with OD as well, unlike sales, you can learn as you go along, how to make it less likely a dud will contact you, less likely you will fall for red flag behaviour, and you can do stuff like... if say men too young/old are annoying you by messaging, you can put an age filter on.

ike1 · 08/01/2013 23:15

Well OWW that is kind of the counselling process that you hace described ..with a bit of CBT (notebook) thrown in. Well done for reaching a conclusion. And you too NoMore.

lubeybooby · 08/01/2013 23:16

oh and I agree shoegirl is a caaah

Snape, also very excited here about Dumble-date :o

ike1 · 08/01/2013 23:16

I agree Bant...its not like you to seem disheartened..

Bant · 08/01/2013 23:28

well I've only been stood up twice. Once was my very first date, which I drove to Surrey for (no, not SurreyGirl, I just used to spend a lot of time there) and once was ShoeGirl. It's annoying, I haven't been stood up by anyone who I hadn't chatted to to a lot - I've met people who I've had almost no interaction with and we've got on really well, or not. And I've met people who I've chatted to lots, and we've got on well, or not.

It's just annoying - ShoeGirl was a bit flirty, but not overly so. Funny and quirky and seemed sweet and generally nice. I think she probably did a runner out of nerves, and I'd still like to meet her because of those things

On the plus side, I mailed a girl last week who just mailed back. She likes Family Guy and can quote from it. We'll call her.. Miss Griffin

BillMasen · 08/01/2013 23:30

Ok I'm a bit angry and annoyed now and it's your job to listen to my rant so I don't end up texting someone!

Bloody exes!!!!

Just been chatting to a mutual (?) friend and it transpires that ex w has been merrily telling everyone she threw me out for accusing her of having an affair and never letting her to out with her friends. This is pretty far removed from the reality of her 3 online affairs during our marriage, the last being the catylist for me leaving, and as for not letting her out... I'm genuinely speechless!

How do you keep the moral high ground and not just text every bloody "mutual" friend and tell them the truth????

Alittlestranger · 08/01/2013 23:36

I've just found out there's a specific term for one of the many reasons why OD is a flawed concept - propinquity!

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Propinquity

Nomorepain · 08/01/2013 23:41

bill you ignore them! It is the best way to get to them. Let them
accuse you of all sorts - those that know you realise that you would never do it and those that believe her, well they just aren't worth it! I have had so much stuff thrown at me by my ex and usually gone off like a firework but I have since discovered silence. Just silence. Then they don't know what you doing or not doing. Their imagination runs crazy. Oh and I forgot the other thing to do is get on with your new life and find happiness. Greatest feeling of all. They will forever have the guilt and unrest regarding their decision. They will always be thinking what if! You will always be able to sleep easy.

And a cup of tea. you know it is a cure for most things!! hope you are okay. Don't do anything out of anger!!

Bant · 08/01/2013 23:43

I dunno Bill, my STBXW has been saying some negative things about me to mutual friends. Nothing as bad as yours. I try to just shrug it off, getting into a battle (in my case) is just going to negatively affect the kids down the line.

In your case it's different though. You can either text people, or wait and see who your real friends are. If people know you well then they'll know you're not like that. If they believe her, they're not worth keeping as friends, are they?

JulietteMontague · 08/01/2013 23:45

Western Yes! Remember it does take a while to get rid of living with those old patterns. You don't need to second guess LM, just talk to him or ask him.

Bill I think the standard MN response is keep your dignify, and if it comes up just say something neutral like 'did she really?' or tell the local gossip that she had affairs. As to how you do it, you post on here Wink

BillMasen · 08/01/2013 23:49

I know what I'll do. Nothing. Keeping dignity and moral high ground and all the right things! It's just bloody frustrating!

Nomorepain · 08/01/2013 23:52

It is frustrating Bill but by letting them know that they have got to you then that is allowing them to win. Well done - moral high ground and dignity trump angry text response every time!!!

JulietteMontague · 08/01/2013 23:52

dignity not dignify ffs

mercury7 · 09/01/2013 00:41

Alittle but what about 'virtual propinquity' .. according to the wiki entry the propinquity effect does hold with online interactions Wink

ike1 · 09/01/2013 00:43

oh god do we really need to get cerebral on this thread? I can only work on the level of flaps and turkey necks ta very much!!

mercury7 · 09/01/2013 00:43

apparently revenge is best served cold Bill
just wait, until that perfect opportunity lands in you lap Wink

Tamoo · 09/01/2013 06:25

Bant I think I'd just accept the fact she's changed her mind about meeting you. I once arranged to meet a guy and as soon as I spotted him in the distance knew it was a no go (he wasn't what I was expecting). I considered just walking past him and continuing with my day tralala but decided to be polite and go through with coffee. It was really awkward and when I eventually said I didn't think we were a good match he got really angry! Sorry this is only vaguely related to your story but I think sometimes you just know when you see someone Blush

I woke up in a cold sweat at 5am this morning thinking about how shite my profile was on POF so have just rewritten it. I don't travel, don't do any extreme sports, am not in an exciting, fulfilling career. Tricky.

JulietteMontague · 09/01/2013 08:30

Tamoo the whole travelling/skydiving thing has become a bit of a standard thing to write. Few actually do any of this and unless it's a big part of your life, it's not really relevant anyway. Just be the best version of you Smile

Bant · 09/01/2013 08:40

Tamoo - I get that someone may be nervous, but we'd texted and mailed a lot, it was several times a day for a couple of weeks - not my preference but as it was over christmas we couldn't find a time free - then she suggested one and there you go. But I'd like to think that I came across as nice enough over the texts - lots of jokes, funny comments, being generally nice as I was actually starting to care about her (I know, stupid when it's someone I've never met) that she'd think I wouldn't get angry.

I'd just like to know her reasons, but nevermind, chalked up to experience

I'll PM you with a link to my Match or POF profile - can't remember what the POF one says exactly but my Match one deals with the extreme sports thing quite well I think. I made a joke out of it being a cliche.

OhWesternWind · 09/01/2013 09:02

Bill that's a really difficult situation. Did you say anything to the friend you were talking to about this? I think the advice to keep your dignity is probably the best course, but if you tell one or two mutual friends the truth, that will soon get round. Depends if you're that bothered after you've had a couple of days to get your head round what's going on.

lubeybooby · 09/01/2013 09:21

Oh, I don't know what to do.

I have Saturday night free apparently.

Do I go for:

Date 3 with Mr iPhone (likely to be cinema or something and can see it being all gentlemanly and sedate again even though I'd be hoping for an invite back to his... could attempt to engineer/hint for this by suggesting dinner nearer his neck of the woods)

Date 2 with Mr Clever (no guessing required dinner and rampant shagfest)

Date 1 with The Stig. (god knows, total wildcard)

And whatever I decide on god knows what will actually happen as any or all of them could be busy seeing as none of them have actually asked me and it seems to be me doing the arranging and blah blah Confused

lubeybooby · 09/01/2013 09:23

Or option 4 contact no one and see if any of them chase me

or option 5 switch off the date phone, ignore everyone and stay in (then check phone and see no one has contacted me anyway)

48howdidthathappen · 09/01/2013 09:30

Slept for over 9 hours. The first decent nights sleep for days. I needed that Smile

Snape Have a fantastic time. You deserve it.

Bill Yep. Hold head high.

OWW You have seen the light. LM is a good un.

Nomore Way to go!

Tamoo There is no room left on the beach for toasting marshmallows. Yawn.

Bant Shoegirl well named for doing a runner Grin