The all new, sparkly,2013 Dating Thread - 35!

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off you go.

Well I just give up. I have mo luck on any dating site. Sailor boy has sailed off never to be heard from again!! I haven't heard from him since Sunday night and I'm not going to bother texting him. No way! Upsets a bit because I thought we might have met up!!

Pof - rubbish, match - rubbish, just single parents - horrendously rubbish!

I really just want to go on a date with someone that can spell and is reasonably good looking - how bloody difficult can it be?!?!?

OWW The new year glow doesn't last long does it.

Nomore - I stopped OD after 18 months in Sept. Decided to try again new year by trying GSM. Already given up again!

Right, here goes. You'll probably remember my fabulous new year when LM said he loves me, then the day with all the children together which was great. He was ill with man flu so didn't see him til Sunday - had drinks, chat and Coffee. All good.

So I strongly suspect this problem is mainly in my head.

We've both had a bad time with our exes and although we've both dated this is the first proper relationship for both of us. Problem is, some of the things that happened with my ex have hugely dented my self confidence. This is two years ago now, I've had counselling via women's aid and through work during most of that time but I am shocked at how I think. For example, he said something about his new woman in town X (my town) and I honestly thought he was telling me he'd met someone else. When he told me he loves me, my first thought was that it was a wind up.

I love being with this man, I am full of admiration for him in many ways, love his company, love being in bed with him, love him full stop yet I find I can't tell him any of this apart from the sex stuff which is physical rather than emotional so that's okay. I honestly have no idea what he thinks about me. He's not brilliant with emotions but a million times better than me and he's had the courage to say he loves me, to suggest getting the children together etc which I am so glad about. But I think he finds it very hard to take a compliment or have someone being nice to him. He's also told me he's scared of what he feels about me.

We are a right fucked up pair.

I am scared that once he realises what I'm really like he wont want to know. Not that I've hidden anything or pretended to be someone I'm not, apart from hiding all this fucked up angsty shite. I think I've gone too far the other way and I seem aloof and flippant.

I really want to be open about my feelings, especially as he's led the way. I want to be able to move things forward but I'm scared of rejection and/or of cocking it all up. I have no idea what to do about any of this. I think I'm a total mess.

Right, that's it! Any and all thoughts welcome even if it's a fish-slap.

I honestly wouldn't contact shoegirl. She's obviously got her reasons for running off with no contact and whatever it is is likely to be too awkward to say, so i doubt there would be any reply. It's not right and it's not nice but that's clearly what she's doing

Dignity Bant, dignity. You don't care!

OWW - fishslap for you!

It's all nothing to be scared of, it's a nice thing, there to be enjoyed! There's no need to drag angst and stuff into it. Just keep having a nice time together.

It's still very, very early days so no need to be feeling like you should move things along. It will all happen naturally as you go, I should imagine. The right time to talk about stuff will just present itself. Does in my experience anyway, and when it's right it's right - no overthinking beforehand and all that.

Should I text sailor boy? Or does that make me a big sap!?!

OWW - agree with lubey. Very early days still, go with the flow.

That's the thing, Lubey - there's nothing for me to be feeling angsty about, I know it's all stupid bit I can't help it. I do want to move forward eg I have some free tickets for a Lego thing which his dcs would love. So, why can't I say "I have these tickets, how about you and your dcs join us?". Really straightforward but I just can't. I think a) what if he says no b) he will say no c) if he says no it means he doesn't like me any more d) don't want to risk it e) won't ask then. Stupid.

OWW, remind me how long you have both been seeing each other. I've read some of your posts and I don't know either of your backgrounds but it should still be fun at this stage. You both sound like you really like, love even, each other and it's a shame you couldn't have made peace with the past before you met someone so special. Is there anyway to maybe take a little step back and not worry too much about the emotional stuff. I know it's hard not to worry and feel frightened about your feeling but you don't want to get too heavy too soon and miss out on the fun and new love you have found.

Agree with lubey. Try to relax and go with the flow. It is easy to go round and round in circles getting no where. Just let it happen.

OWW with things like that, just ask - you've all already met each other iirc, so that isn't moving anything forward, it would just be a nice day out. Why would he say no? He loves you! Chill :o

It's still early days and this is why you are abit wary about making plans for legoland etc. Just mention it and see if he says he would like to go, then viola.

Nomore I wouldn't. He may have more irons in the fire. Just my view.

Voice - how come you've stopped again? Have you had many convo's with people? I seem to have an imbalance of the men I like the look of vs the ones that like the look of me! I may need to explore other options although I've no idea what those options look like!!!!!

But how do I stop whittling? How do I feel more confident about myself? These are the big questions.

Scrazy I have been seeing him since September. He's very lovely. It's been a funny "new" relationship though as he had a very serious health scare during this time so we've been in some strange emotional territory already which has made things a bit different I think.

It is actually fun and I love spending time with him. It's when I'm alone in the evenings that I get really bad.

I waited eighteen months before I felt ready to date but maybe that wasn't enough. But we are where we are. I do actually feel really lucky that we met and it's all gone so well but that makes me even more worried about fucking it all up. There's no hope.

Thanks 48. He said he hasn't and always texts straight back when I text him but why no text. He said he doesn't like game players either!! Ah man. Another rubbish one!!!!!!!

Well, the Lego thing is moving forward as I've not instigated any family stuff before. So it'd be a step forward for me. I know I should just ask but its not that easy!

Evening all

Tamoo I've never put a pic on a dating site, I met Ironman (currently sitting on the sofa next to me) on Match.
I sent him a message saying fancy a drink, he asked for a photo, I emailed him one and here we are, on the sofa.

I dunno then Nomore shoot him a chatty short text..there is no harm done.

Grinchie - did you just come straight out and ask for a drink in first message? High five!!!!!

OWW could you say you have spare tickets for legoland, be great fun for the kids if you are free. Casual.

ike I didn't need much persuading! I just text him. Prob a bit late now though!! Eeeeek! Not expecting a reply!!!

OWW, just remember when you feel angsty that what will be will be. You will feel more confident as the relationship moves on and he proves to you that he wants you in his life for the future.

I very much live by what will be will be. I've been on a roller coaster last year with someone who made me feel so special when we were together but wasn't moving the relationship on. I felt I had to end things for good as it was a rollercoaster and I decided to get off, even though he said he wanted me in his life for a long time. I could go back with him at the drop of a hat if I chose to but decided if it was meant to be it will be. In meantime I have chance to heal and get back on an even keel and even find someone else who makes me happy all the time. It's a risk I think I should take but feel lonely atm.

Grinchie you dark horse