I've been with DP for almost 20 years and we have 3 dc. He works all over the country and is often away Mon-Fri. There have been several incidents involving his phone and dubious messages from people. As an example, he came home drunk one night and his private messaging kept beeping. He was more or less unconscious and I checked the messaging (wrong, I know) - there was a conversation there between him and someone (with a male name) where the other person stated that they 'were really excited because they were getting to see him tonight' and other stuff along those lines, with lots of kisses, etc. I replied to this person (pretending to be DP) asking 'are you still up, did you have a good time tonight, etc'. They replied and then asked why I wasn't putting any kisses, then said 'is this really you'? I said 'who else would it be?'. They said 'her' (meaning me, I assume). DP woke up looking for his phone and lost his temper - I explained what I had seen and he said the messages weren't meant for him but were 'crossed-messages' between his mate and some girl. There was a similar incident a few months before that (again, he put it down to his friend using his phone to text a girl he was seeing on the side).
Since then, he has passworded his phone (Blackberry) and is constantly on it, texting (sitting right next to me when he's home) but holding it an angle so I can't see the screen. He swears he would never cheat on me, but the whole phone thing is driving me insane. I've told him how I feel, how the previous incidents make me feel, how he spends more time texting his 'friends' than he does talking to me, but he doesn't seem interested. We'll agree to watch a film together when the kids go to bed but he'll be on his phone the whole way through.
I feel that the password indicates he has something to hide - my phone isn't passworded and he knows that. If I ever ask to use his phone (if mine isn't working) he hovers around me the whole time I'm using it.
Would it be unreasonable of me to ask him to show me his messages or am I being over the top?