I've got a bad feeling about this woman.

[suspicion]

I've name changed as I think I would be to recognisable otherwise.

I'm not sure whether I am right to be suspicious or its just my insecurities taking over.
My DP has been working at his current job for over a year now. This woman started working there after him. I've not met her nor any of his other work friends.

Recently (since having a baby) I've noticed he's bringing her up in conversation quite a bit. She has bright red hair and he keeps commenting on how red hair is sexy and I should dye mine that colour. I've noticed she's been posting on his facebook a lot with cryptic messages or inside jokes and puts up pictures of him. Recently she wrote something French and sort of romantic on there. Anyone can see that he's engaged and apparently she's in a relationship.

Now he works with lots of women that I've never thought twice about but I've got a strange feeling about her. He's been going out a lot more recently but I've assumed he's telling the truth about visiting one of his work friends.

Our relationship has been a bit strained since I've had DD and I don't know if I'm just feeling insecure because I feel like I'm a shadow of my former self or if I do have reason to worry.
Surely if something was going on she wouldn't be posting things so publicly? It makes me sad to see how happy he looks in her pictures, I've not seen him that way in a long time.

What do you think? How right can instinct be.

heart goes out to you OP - I agree with the others about trusting your instincts. One thing you could do is suggest taking the baby to his workplace so that he can show her off to his work colleagues. Then see what his reaction is

We do have other issues in the relationship but we have been trying to tackle those.

How have you been trying to tackle those, and has he been trying too, and have things improved any?

I've not got long, hes walking the dog. I told him how I felt about the woman and I thought something was going on. He laughed and said 'has she posted that picture I drew of her on facebook?' which she hadn't and I had no idea about.
Apparently she's been on at him for a picture of her as hes an artist and hes done one today. The French was 'messing around' but wasn't funny at all to me. He says everyone goes on and on about how fit she is but he doesn't think so. He then changed the subject and got up and started pottering around nervously and now obviously has gone out. I don't know what to do, how am I supposed to know for sure.

Will post about the relationship issues when I have more time.

I'm only going to repeat what others have said: trust your instincts.

Get a copy of not just friends by Shirley Glass and get him to read it - huge red flags and warning klaxons, the "mention-itis" being the main one, this is a crucial time, make him fully aware that his relationship with this woman is dangerous and you will not stand for this friendship - he is heading for an affair, even if he thinks it's all innocent at the moment.

He should be investing his time and energy into you , you've recently had his child .

One of the many, depressing, ways I began to suspect my exH of having an affair was when he took the poor, bewildered dog out five times a day. So I'd ring his mobile. I hated myself for doing this but it turns out I was right. I'd put 141 before the number so it didn't show up. On the rare occasions it wasn't engaged, he'd answer on the first ring. Really hope there's nothing in this, and he's innocent. It's hell.

Was thinking the same Spellcheck, he'll be out ringing her no doubt.

and they have the OWs name in their phone as a man usually.

Oh darlin it's screamingly obvious to me :(

how can you know for sure though?? call logs?

I hope it's all innocent, but don't be blind to it either.

Keep an eye on phone, get a hold of itemised phone bills (calls, texts etc will be deleted from his phone). Not letting his phone out of his site is a classic one. My exH used to pretty much sleep with his. Ask to borrow his phone to make a call and watch his reaction. Check emails etc if you can.

There's no engaged tone on our phones. It carries on ringing even if someone's on the other end to give the option of putting the original caller on hold. He's come back and acting like I've not said anything, just acting normal. Wouldn't you feel angry if your DP just suggested something was going on and it wasn't?

My exH had the ow name under a blokes name, and her email under his own name

Yes, I would be angry. We will be here for you .

The more you post, the worst it sounds

I bet the problems in your relationship are him nitpicking, causing petty arguments, being lazy/selfish/entitled....

These are the classic signs of someone who is checking out of their relationship and trying to justify their cheating.

(and distant)

Are you not allowed to use the internet when he is around ?

I've got a bad feeling about your husband

If I was being accused of having an affair then I would be doing everything I could to reassure OH and reviewing boundaries.

Can you afford a private detective?

If it was all innocent, and if he was a decent man, he would be falling over himself now to reassure you, doing whatever it took. He's not though. That really says it all.

Even if nothing is going on apart from a huge flirtation, it is screamingly obvious that he wants it to be.

Don't feel you have to hold on for proof. You could never get it. The fact is that you are not happy, not just about this either, and you say yourself that things haven't been good for a while. That is what you need to consider. Whether things can be put right, and whether that is achievable given his fondness for segregating his social life away from your relationship, and not being a 'partner' in the real sense of the word when he is home.

IWas It's rather insulting to suggest that all redheads have tempers and strops... On par with saying all blondes are stupid. Completely unnecessary, too...

OP I think you know the answer here. If he isn't sleeping with her, he isn't far away. How would he react if you asked to look at his phone right now? Would he hand it over? If he wouldn't, that'd answer it all. There is clearly things on there that he doesn't want you to see.

Drawing pictures for other women is a bit odd anyway. It's much closer than just work mates. When did he draw it? How long did it take?

They have stomped all over the boundaries, and your DP seems to be doing anything possible not to let you rebuild them.

I forgot to say...he's probably called her, and at least warned her about posting on his Facebook now, if not told her off for making you suspicious. I'd be very surprised if the amount of postings from her mentioning him get a lot less now.

Ask for his phone. He'll probably be a bit wounded if he hasn't done anything, but he'll understand. I'm fairly sure he'll refuse to hand it over, though, at least until he's had chance to delete things.

I had the very same thing almost three years ago to do the day. Nothing I could definitely put my finger on, just a niggle.

Then I noticed more and more posts on fb from a particular woman, him having mentionitis of said woman and staying out later/more often. Phone constantly texting, attached to his arse all the time.

I didn't say anything but one time he left his email logged in on my laptop so I saw a message from hm to his mate saying he'd shagged her at the weekend. I snooped some more, turned out he'd been seeing her for months and stupid gullible, easy going me just thought he was having lads time out cos it was christmas/his birthday/new year etc

Keep your wits about you and gather evidence if you possibly can.

He will now go into lockdown mode and will have told her the same. If that happens...you have your answer.