To those who've been in abusive relationships - when did the abuse start?

[russianreubles]

Just read the post at this site: www.kveller.com/blog/parenting/a-letter-to-my-daughter-about-fighting-back/

I'm not 100% clear about the time scales in her relationship but it sounds like a nice man turned abusive almost overnight and after 2 years or possibly longer.

I've always thought that men who are abusive by nature can hide this pretty much completely but only for a limited amount of time. Is this story unusual? To all the women out there unfortunate enough to have been in an abusive relationship, for how long was the relationship non-abusive to begin with? Is there any way of not picking an abusive man?

I am early thirties and still single but want a family so will not have years and years to get to know someone. Is there any way to "screen" for someone who will become abusive?

summer - i think you should at least go and stay with her - she might be telling you that because she doesn't want to look after you in your house, but she might look after you in her own house.

If a partner behaved like that towards me now, I'd end it there and then

I think this is the answer to your question, OP - zero tolerance. Unfortunately it does leave you open to unfair criticism from friends and family, which feeds all the cultural pressure on women to put up with shit make allowances and excuses. As a plus, the more often you assert your personal worth, the fewer losers you attract. I can totally vouch for this, and the interesting experience of watching other women fall into traps that you have effortlessly avoided!

The other part of the 'puzzle' is, I think, learning to interact nicely with nice people. I'm still on high alert so can't offer much experience with this ... I'm a particularly difficult case, though, and know plenty of people who found this part quite easy