Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

Hi sole so sorry to hear that. You've been so kind to me, anything we can help with?

I've been having awful dreams about finding texts that he was cheating on me, what on earth is that about!'

Sorry my net was off.

Chaos I think I have mentioned I have post traumatic stress disorder.

After I started accepting my life etc, the dreams kicked in, I have asked many people about 'the dreams' I stopped going to sleep as mind were so vivid, but they come to get you anyway

I have dreamt about my x leaving, I have dreamt about him and new g/friend, I have argued with him, pleaded as to why he hit us etc etc etc. My last one was in November, just after he was sent another letter telling him to leave us alone, he is angry as his new Dbaby is in care (my fault of course )

Apparently this is the brains way of breaking down your trauma, I found that I dreamt about everything (last one was smacking him over head with a wedding ornament and had his new baby in it and solicitors and police)

Hi yappy good to have you back.

The dreams are so vivid and I wake up like a holy out of the blue. I had my suspicions that he may have emailed other people and it was like the dream was confirming it; like it was processing it for me; making me realise that it is so so over. All of what I already knew. The detail and reality I am experiencing in my dreams scares me though.

Do you think I could have the same?

I wouldn't like to say chaos, the dreams sound very like mine, all my deep down thoughts (that I think then forget) came back in my dreams, all the hurt.

I used to wake crying as he was with OW I have fought her in my dreams, I have fought him, proper shouting and screaming and hair pulling and all, like I said the last one I was hitting him over the head with a wedding ornament and couldn't understand why he didn't bleed

My last one was very vivid, now I dream at night about anything that happens during the day, in November in real life, he was scaring the boys as we moved house and he was looking for us, so I had to get the lawyers letter etc, police were out, his parents were involved, talking about 'his baby', sure enough it all came back in a dream.

Have you always had vivid dreams? I feel better knowing its the minds way of processing it all as I have dreamt about almost everything now to do with him.

My dreams drive me nuts. I have always had very vivid dreams. As a teenager I was on the phone to my boyfriend when my alarm went off. I said hang on to him, got out of bed and turned the alarm off, got back into bed to carry on the conversation..... I have been crying in my dream and woken up crying. I once slapped DH when I woke up for cheating on me in my dream. HWBU to say he wasn't responsible for what he did in my dream.

I was dreaming about what I was suspicious of. Dreaming that there had to be one key reason for the straw to have broke the camels back like if did- looking for a trigger for the explosion that was 28/12!!

I've always dreamt, although normally they are very, very happy!

Last week I dreamt I had bought a house with a new DH; big old falling apart place , but we were deleriously happy with 4 DD (!!!!)

And then to have the ex dream; brought back the sheer hurt at 03.49am this morning! See the thing is my dreams are always in the present tense; I never forget about what's happened, it's just the painful, painful reminder that's constant!

I had vivid dreams when I was younger but then seemed to stop dreaming, now I often have to check with people if things are true or if I have dreamt them these days, that's why I don't do anything over-exciting-scary.

Try not to think of the ex last thing at night, think of the nice future DH, the nice house, the 4 kids (gawd your keen) I always read at night and try to go to sleep on a happy thought.

Maybe if you talk it all over with someone it may help, has he been nasty again at all?

I dream more when ex+1 are nasty, I have blocked them from facebook so they cannot get as me, I found 4 Pmessages a few weeks back, all sent from a fake name last year.. I just laughed, I do that a lot now, apparently another part of PTSD, you turn into a one man comedian act over things that are really not funny

I know, I wonder what the DH dream and 4 DD is all about yappy!!!! I just remember waking up thinking how incredible I felt in the dream, and realised I couldn't ever feel that way with him, and maybe the universe/my subconscious was iterating to me to snap out of it, and that it will happen for me!

He texted to say how beautiful and I happy I looked in a pic friend posted of me on Facebook from weekend (I deleted FB) and that I usually looked at him like that , and he should have been the one taking the pic?!

Maybe him being in contact is stirring up dreams, this is why I have no contact at all, it took me ages to learn this one, his g/friend was determined to get to have me turn a phone off, (seen me as a threat) I was playing games, I refused this was when she gave the threat about 'driving me kill myself' it made me more determined not to switch the stupid phone off.. he phoned every Sunday crying, up until August last year, I found a brain cell and turned the stupid phone down, I couldn't turn it off, I wanted to read his shit I guess.

Then I moved house and gave it to my mum.

Last time I heard from them was when I had my dream. I may delete my facebook account again, they are sending me messages under different names, I can laugh but it makes me think of it.

Well done on blocking him out, hes gonna try come back, remember he will look like shit and love you and no-one else, he will see what he has been doing and change, etc etc. It's all crap.

I cut him from all contact, but didn't get mobile changed, don't really want to have to go down that route. Damn, he's changed enough in my life !!!

I am holding out for DH from the dream!!! Lol

I hope you had 'the dream' I dreamt of moshi monster and cats

Mine has completely changed my life too, I just wish I had left him years ago, I stayed for my Dc which makes no sense at all now. I have my councelling today so should really go make my house lovely, MN and tea first!

Morning! No dreams that I remember, so not necessarily a bad thing!

Hope counselling goes well, I've thought about it.. But am a bit scared. What do you feel it adds value to? See I want someone to give me answers and truths, and not just to agree with me ?

Ignore ignore ignore the texts from him. He HAD his chance and he blew it.

Look into blocking his number or change the name to dickhead/bully/pondscum so you just delete as soon as it comes through but blocking him would be better.

Hi fab , yes deleted. It's like he expects me to cry forever! 3 weeks was quite enough, than you very much , ex!!!

I'll call Vodafone and see if there is anyway they can block one number, problem is he would only find another to ring/text from!

If he contacts you again I suggest you say you don't want to hear from him again and if he won't leave you alone you will take advice from the police about harrassment charges.

Ok , I will do that. The concern is how he deals with, and speaks to me, at work!!

I have to nip into his office tomorrow for some technology for my office, and I am dreading any potential bump into him. I feel like I get that horrid race in my stomach of nervousness, and all his colleagues just stare at me (despite me having worked for the organisation a lot longer than he, and having perfectly good reason to be in there...)

Use your boss and anyone else you need at work. You don't have to put up with any crap from him and have the right to be able to work without any threat from him worrying you.

Ignore his colleagues. Tomorrows chip paper eventually.

As JustFab says keep ignoring him, use your Boss etc.

I have 2 types of counselling, todays has been cancelled, W. Aid was today, they give you answers to your questions, very knowledgeable.

I also see someone for my PTSD, that's more me talking to her at that one.

You know, I am going to try both; I think I need to have a word with my boss about just how low he is prepared to go. Although I reckon people at work will begin to see him for who he really is.

Will look up counselling

Today has been shockingly hard!

1 month tomorrow and I've been in tears most of the day.

I don't really have much to add I just needed to let it out here , as I don't have anyone else to tell. Parents get angry if I mention him and can't understand my upset at it.

He really cares this little and I obviously care so much. I've become such an emotional person. I feel like I want to run away constantly and haven't felt I've done anything 100% since that day.

Why is everything so hard!

Its only 4 weeks, you have to give yourself time. Of course he is suffering too he wldn't be trying to make contact otherwise. You were with him for a while so it will take a while to get over him.

I had one date with a guy over Christmas/New Year panicked, sent him a text saying, thanks but no thanks, and still feel hurt over it, that was one date and then him contacting me few times.

You ex has been contacting you so it's harder to move on for you. You will, I was with my boys Dad for 17 years total, I am totally over him now, I seen a picture of him today and feel nothing, possibly a little bit of 'wtf did I stay with you' that was all though.

Takes time, you will get there. I still maintain you need to get some fire in your tummy over this man, womens aid give you that!

Hey yappy I think it's the disappointment going over and over . My parents are making me feel am mourning too much, it's just not that clear cut. In some ways, it's like traumatic bonding; like a complete addiction.

Hey hutch. I was wanting the love , I take your point that it didn't necessarily have to be with him (although obviously was), I just wanted the security, happiness and peace that love should bring, and I had carved that future out with him. Through a home, mutual friends and a life of memories together.

I am sorry you went through similar. Did you have a moment at counselling that made you stop feeling this way?

Initially it was mornings that were hard, now it's the vacant evenings and vacant closeness. I know, I know, it wasn't real now; if anybod these things he said meant a sausage he would have acted very differently to what he has.

I only stopped my ex contacting me when I started counselling tbh! I told him he laughed down the phone at me but after a few weeks it really felt like I was over him. He stayed over last December with a view to coming back, he done this 4 times in 2 years, my head was wasted, I went for counselling, with W. .Aid and also a confidence group, it was like I grew balls overnight!

I still have very low self esteem this pisses me off now and my parents are so pissed off with me as it has been over 2 years and this freak is still in our lives, I think she must think we enjoy it.

Parents generally never understand Chaos