Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

I am glad you are not taking him back. TBH it didn't sound that way yesterday and then we heard nothing from you so it seemed a possibility.

Well done for a good first day back.

Well done.

Do you still have the GP appointment tomorrow?

Ya , sure do.

Am just going through the motions and being totally honest, fabulous.

Every day brings a new challenge!

You have to do what you feel it best. Just be careful.

Hello Chaos :)

GP tomorrow.

How ypu feeling?
Still raw, mixed up at times xx

I feel better. Mainly sad , but so grateful for work and the people

I don't know how am getting through this, but I know I am! Xxx

Mines was a looker too also very charming. It can be easy to fall to clinging onto that but for your sake of your Dc you do not want to do that or your baby could well end up in care tbh.

Mine are not, but I have had to seek counselling for both, one thinks he will hit any potential girlfriend as he is 'like his dad'

The other hits me, often, I cannot shrug it off anymore, I cannot hit him back, he is child, he does not know better, I will not lie though it's not easy, you do not want to end up like me tbh.

In the words of a court official regarding my X:

Me: He can also seem very very nice
Her: Yes I agree he is, nice, very nice, too nice, EVIL.

She knew her job that lady...

I think you also should really think about contacting WAid and doing the Freedom Programme in a group, I have done it twice, once alone and failed, read it 2 days and found it informative but didn't take it in as you do in a Group. once in a group and I have a shiny certificate, I may go back, I missed some weeks due to Dc being unwell.

Freedom programme is great duggestion.

I wondering if you spotted him today at wirk? Did you speak to your boss?

He was off sick. Coward. Told boss

Good luck today chaos. Great post from OYA - hope you are getting RL help too.

Thanks Captains Mummy, we are all getting help here now, thanks.

Good luck today at the doctors Chaos. I have been thinking about you in between all the housework and been wallopped by a massive plug .

Hope today has been okay chaos!

All good folks. Am free as a bird!!!!!!

Now what to do with the rest of my life!!!

Yeah!!!

Thank erm.. god for that! I will restrain myself from swearing.

Negative test by any chance?

How has your day been?

Pleased you are pleased Chaos xxx

Now Fredom programme..

Hows your head justfab, what massive plug?

Yes, reading away

I find mornings the hardest if am honest, and I miss intimacy. Despite eveything we were always a very close couple, and am struggling with the thought of someone else taking that place. Did anyone else feel this?

I'm okay, thanks Sole. Bit surprised I didn't bruise as I do easily. It was a plug from the Christmas lights so big and heavy and it fell from the loft on to me.

Chaos - do you mean someone taking his place or yours?

Both I suppose fabulous!

I was devastated.

Just because it has been an abusive relationship doesn't make it less of a relationship I am afraid, I still hurt the same, I was devastated tbh, it didn't help I kept in contact with my ex a my phone was on contract through him, his new g/friend, sent me a text with details, 3 weeks after we split.

It doesn't hurt now, at all.

It is much too early to even think about being with someone else imho. 24 hours ago you didn't even know if you were carrying his baby! When the right person does come into your life it will be easy, natural and have no need for you to worry.

Do not even think about him being with anyone else. Be grateful it isn't you being abused.

When a relationship ends it is nearly always painful and you will be devastated but stop grieving for what you thought you had. It didn't excist. Be happy you are away from what it was.