Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Heartbroken and struggling to cope

781 replies

Chaoscarriesonagain · 29/12/2012 18:25

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

OP posts:
OverlyYappyAlways · 03/01/2013 16:12

Oh dear you work with him.

Are you higher up than him? Different department?

Try not to see him if at all possible.

I seen my ex once this year it was terrible, a summers day, we both had our windows down, passed each other, in the cars, before I knew it the words were out 'you dirty fucking bastard' Blush

On the upfront he looks terrible....

Allergictoironing · 03/01/2013 16:25

If you work with him then you do need to tell at least one person who is senior to you as soon as possible, just to prevent him manipulating others at the work place.

Possible examples would be:
Tell everyone (regretfully ofc) that he didn't want to split but you were such a bitch
Suggest (regretfully again) that he's concerned about your mental stability
Out & out tell people you've lost it completely
Start to "let slip" lots of horrible things you've done to him over the years
Let himself be "caught" staring out the window & sighing wistfully (or similar) so he can tell people how much he misses you

All these and many more are designed to show him in a good light as the wronged one, and you in a bad light. He can get lots of kudos for showing how understanding he's being with his irrational wife, and at the same time making sure that if things get too uncomfortable at work he will be the one who can stay there while you'll be the one trying to find another job.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 17:06

I will tell my boss, I will be honest.

Thanks for the posts. Slightly pissed that that mutual friend (my fairly long term friend and his best friends wife) sent a text asking (on behalf of ex DP!!!) if I had told anyone else about the suspected pregnancy first!!!!

Well I stupidly had told the wife and mutual friend, and only cos he hung up and persistently hung up!!!!

He has literally just rung there and I rejected it. Had a voicemail asking how I was, had I made doc apt, had I done a test. He sounded very low. Maybe he now knows how I feel???

Lets just ignore his feelings like he has mind, not nice, is it??

OP posts:
JustFabulous · 03/01/2013 17:21

Don't give him or his mates anymore thought and I suggest you only tell people anything on a strictly need to know basis.

Priority is to get another test done to see if you are pregnant or not because if you aren't you can tell him to foatwhgtfosm Wink.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 17:26

Yes, that's what I'll do.

Am I being terrible for ignoring him?

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/01/2013 17:29

No no no.no no no

Ni ignote ignore ignore!!!

He is an abusive, hurtful disrespectful bastard!!

JustFabulous · 03/01/2013 17:29

no
no
no
no
no
no

You are not in a relationship with him anymore and have no obligation to talk to him ever again.

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 17:30

Thought so, am enjoying controlling the situation

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/01/2013 17:30

What would you say to your Daughter Chaos in tbe same situ as you are now?

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 17:30

He wouldn't be living, lol

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/01/2013 17:31

Lol fab eyes on your own paper! Grin

SoleSource · 03/01/2013 17:31

You are just as important as imagined Daughter.

Allergictoironing · 03/01/2013 18:52

"Had a voicemail asking how I was, had I made doc apt, had I done a test. He sounded very low"

He has to know whether you're pg or not - that's all he's really worried about right now. How you are = no sign of a miscarriage, do you know anything for sure. Have you made doc appt = do you know either way yet, when will you have the gp test done. Have you done a test = do you know yet whether you're pg. Not because he cares about how YOU are, but because he can see it impacting on HIS future, how much more he will have to pay & support you if you have his child, how HE will be seen.

There are 2 main directions he may go from here. Firstly if he thinks there's no way you'll go back to him, there's a pretty good chance he could try to persuade you to abort the child "as it won't have much of a future not having both parents bringing it up". Secondly he may do his utmost to use the baby to persuade you to go back to him, again citing how much better it would be for said baby; this would bring you back in line & even more under his control as you'll have a DC to care about.

What he won't do is change who he is, though he is very likely to tell you that he has changed because of the thought of being a father "oooh now we have/will be having this DC I'm going to change, be a good father & husband & look after you". Having a child won't change him by itself, he needs to want to change for himself and you.

Allergictoironing · 03/01/2013 18:53

Forgot to say.....

Ignore
Ignore
Ignore

SoleSource · 03/01/2013 18:55

Allergic imo is 1000000% RIGHT!!!

Allergictoironing · 03/01/2013 19:00

Mutual admiration here Sole, you are wise & lovely. Thanks

SoleSource · 03/01/2013 19:33

Thank you Allergic :) x

Justfab x

Chaos x

JustFabulous · 03/01/2013 19:56

I'm Confused by the 17:31 post.

SoleSource · 03/01/2013 19:59

Just a silly.joke!

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 21:25

Told him to fuck the fuck off and then fuck off some more!!!!

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/01/2013 21:35
Grin

Ok when, you text him?

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 22:32

The bastard text and said he was coming to parents then called and I was blackmailed into answering!

Of course he's been in touch with his mother- who caused the straw that' broke the camels back and all he could think about was how he's a mess, his life's a mess, any child would have to have a family unit!!! A family unit?? With him and his mother!!

Fuck the fuck off!!!

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/01/2013 22:34

Has he asked for you to get back together if you are expecting

Original poster
Chaoscarriesonagain · 03/01/2013 22:39

An expectancy. I told him I wouldn't want that for me or child

Then he accused me of lying...! He's mentally unstable.. He must be

I had mentioned time of doc and day so am sure he will show up outside which will be fun ,

OP posts:
SoleSource · 03/01/2013 22:44

Oooh

No I wouldn't be with a guy for the sake of the child. The child knows.

If be turns up will you be safe, Chaos?