Heartbroken and struggling to cope

[Chaoscarriesonagain]

That's just it really. DP and I have gone our seperate ways. He was perfect in the beginning .. Grew into aggressive, ill tempered and sometimes emotional abuser. It progressed into pushing me, bruises to boot etc. Yet after all this I didn't have the courage to leave. After a horrendous Christmas with MIL and my parents I cracked and told parents extent. Last night they helped me remove everything from our home together. His reaction was empty, infact he ran away.

I haven't eaten, I can't sleep, all I can think of is the love I have for him. I wish it could go , I feel like am in mourning. It goes against everything I believe in.

I am so lucky; everyone rallying round; all I want us to see him, smell him and kiss him. But he wanted to end the relationship; he blames me for awful MIL reaction to Christmas. I can't fathom out what to do. I want this man who never treated me right, I crave and desire him, against the best wishes if all friends and family.

I am really, really struggling.

Thanks amillionyears can't believe everything that's happened still, but the show must go on

Happy New Year Chaos onwards and upwards!

Happy New Year you fab woman xxx

Are we doing this freedom programme then Chaos? I'm going to look into it with view to booking, very soon. Are you? If so maybe if OK with you we could support each other?

Just a maybe because we may not need to support each other or might be too much.

Yeah, am thinking about it. Only problem I see is the time commitment, my job is very demanding.

We can get through this

Yes, there could be an online course. We shall research this soon.

Oh no the tears are back, am reminded of him everywhere.

I won't contact him but I am missing his smell all over again. I thought I was through the worst.

Why why why

Chaos, your reaction is normal. Totally. You are used to him. Craving what we do not need or want when we are used to that behaviour and our reactions/coping with it on a daily basis is normal withdrawal. This shall go on for some time. You are honest, healthy and worth reeducating yourself about romantic relationships and what you tolerate.

Freedom programme.

Or yappy and I will nag, nag, nag, nag

Keep posting

You need us, I/we needyou x

Oh no whats went wrong will read lots!!!

Before I do its fine!! I am doing all this shit today also, I went to bed all fluffy woke up dumped a fluffy man twice just incase 1st time he missed it or something [argh]

Thanks sole am just constantly reminded of him. We were so perfect in the beginning.

We had so much and he did this to me. I can't get over that he's done it to me.

I love and miss someone who's hurt me more than anyone.

Nojob excuses... I had lots of people with job on my course its only 3ish hours per morning once per week! All nice people....

I kept my ex's pillow cover until October, then I set it alight! I missed his smell also...Okay sorry I need to swear now!

You are grieving for a bastard, it's normal, I lived with one for 16 years, of course I hate him and all but he was my life, my once future, my boys dad and many other things I built him up to be...

Cry and talk it ALL OUT IT'S NORMAL! oops! Normal All bloody heart-breaking normal, you guys need to get to a course please! I will get up soon off couch and go see where all my books are, I need one though, for future fluffy feelings!

Oh Chaos I totally get what you are feeling right now, he made the wrong choices though.

I know he did , and I know I deserve more. It's just a bitter pill to swallow.

He did turn into a vile tempered monster, so different from the one I fell in love with. I kept looking for that man again. The man he really was was the tempered man.

I should have looked closer to the family. His mother was a wicked woman, manipulative, and only wanted him to herself. He was so drawn to this toxic relationship and I feel I would always come second to that.

He would get so irrationally stressed at work and angry. Had so much self doubt and confidence in himself and I think he took that our on me, wearing me down. Whether he meant it or not.

Currently dreaming of what it's like to be treated right, and how it should be.

Sorry wasn't here Chaos. I have read and totally understood. He can't love you as he has too many.issues deep inside himself you cannot cure. Ever. You seem so clever and lovely. A woman like you will get over that kind of person. It's impossible for you not to. I sense it. Keep posting, pm ms, just keep believing we care, we are here xxxxx you are not alone.

Where are you AnyFucker??

Thanks sole love doesn't half make fools of us all

I am now listening to music (not been able to focus on tv since it happened) which am feeling is helping

It doesn't help am quite a logic person who likes clear cut answers. It's accepting am not going to get one that's the hardest.

It's funny, when previous relationships have ended I've sworn to never see or speak to them again. I've meant it and stood by it. They haven't always been on bad, bad terms, I just felt it was easier for a clean break.

Somehow he has felt different? Perhaps because we had a home together, lots of close mutual friends and we had actively discussed marriage and children. I suppose I believed I had it made otherwise and accepted the bad because of it.

Ever heard the Angie Stone sing 'wish I didn't miss you anymore' that's me now!!!!!!

I think it is okay to still be feeling heartbroken and like you want to cry lots. It has only been days!

IME if you tell yourself you are over someone when you aren't it only makes it harder and longer to actually get over them.

It hurts so much because you loved so much.

If you didn't care you wouldn't hurt.

Thanks fabulous am really trying not to pick up the phone

All I want is to hear his voice ...

But he just sounds so not like 'him'. So so sad.

My poor dog hasn't left my side, he knows am not good

I can't phone after his shitty new year message, can I? :(

And even if I rant and say his dare you text me that message etc etc am so hurt etc etc all he does is hang up as always, then he has the upper hand again

I have done over and over. But it doesn't help my feelings of want for him. They're irrational. Why can I not be really mad ??

I haven't so far but I've been determined after seeing the coldness of that message that there's nothing else for it

I am heartbroken and destroyed by love