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Original poster

So Fed up with his cannabis; use what do you think ?

68 replies

sosickoftheweed · 15/04/2006 20:32

My Husband is a heavy cannabis user. Like every day.

he stopped smoking tobacco about 4 years ago and now 'smokes' the weed in a pipe.

It stinks, I hate it. I hate the smell, I hate the fact that every chance he gets he's out there having a quick 'puff'. I have found him at 6am having a quick one (tho that is some time ago)He doesn't drink alcohol (stopped before we met) due to problems with it in the past.

worst of all as far as I am concerned is the fact that my 7 year old son tells me about 'Daddy's golden pipe ' that he 'fills with black stuff and smokes'.

I cant believe my marriage - which in other respects is fine - normal I would say - is going to end because of his weed habit. He says I knew when I met and married him that he liked a puff - I say he wasnt a father to three children then.

Im sick to death of the lying and skulking around and obsession with having a puff. I feel my respect for him ebbing away and the disrespect he shoews to me and the children by continuing becoming a larger and larger issue

tell me im making a fuss about nothing, that 'everybody' does it, that its normal ? maybe I am very square ?

HELP. sorry this is so long

OP posts:
starlover · 15/04/2006 20:35

I don't have a problem with weed per se, until it starts interfering with your everyday life, which your husband;s use sounds like it has.

he needs to realise how this makes you feel. it's an addiction, just like alcohol or any other drug and it has also been linked with depression and other mental illness.

it isn't fair for your son to be in that environment either.

If it were me, i'd tell him he has a choice... me or the weed

LadySherlockofLGJ · 15/04/2006 20:36

This is not normal.

In the circles I move in, and that is just a turn of phrase, it is totally not normal.

I know some people who have the odd puff a few times a year, they used to smoke more but parenthood kicked in and with it came reality.

Caligula · 15/04/2006 20:36

Sorry, I can't tell you you're making a fuss about nothing, because you're not.

I'd hate to live with someone who made himself dull and stupid by smoking weed all the time, and made the house smell bad. It's lousy role modelling for your children and it's setting them up for smoking it as well - children learn by example. Addiction is a horrible thing to live with, coming second to booze, weed, nicotine, whatever is not good enough. Prioritising his habit over his relationship and the welfare of his family, is not something anyone who values his relationship and family does, unless they're hopelessly addicted.

LadySherlockofLGJ · 15/04/2006 20:38

If you are who I think you are, then this has been going on for a long time, and you have been uncomfortable with this scenario for quite a while.

It is time for action. IMHO.

busybusybee · 15/04/2006 20:43

My thoughts exactly Sherlock

IMHO tell him to either kick the weed or you will kick him out - for everyones sake

My Dh and I are in the process of splitting up atm so Im not saying that lightly, I know how hard it will be.

tribpot · 15/04/2006 20:53

Certainly not everyone does it. I don't. I know a number of people who do, recreationally, and for none of them is it an issue which would cause a problem in their marriage (much like the occasional drink wouldn't). So clearly what your dh is into is much more extreme than that and you shouldn't feel you are over-reacting.

My dh partakes regularly, he is a chronic pain sufferer and this by far the best of his pain medications (a fact most of the pain docs acknowledge but have to do with a nod and a wink, if you know what I mean). He uses a pipe type of thingy (no tobacco) and only in the bathroom with the extractor fan. I do worry what we will say to our ds when he is old enough, but quite frankly, my dh is on methadone as well for his pain, so I am more worried about ds getting into that than what he might think about some weed!

If he has had problems with alcohol, he's probably kidding himself that he wouldn't have a similar addictive problem with any drug, to be honest.

rumtumtigger · 15/04/2006 21:00

What is it about this habit which upsets you? Is it the illegality, the smell, the bad example...which aspect{s}?

potsmoker · 15/04/2006 21:02

ive smoked cannabis every evening for years. a small joint every single night when my kids are soundo. smoking during the day i have never done even before kids. your hubbies habit is very bad.

ive tried quitting and cant, it is addictive. i cant see him giving it up unless he really wants to save your marriage. you might have to bite the bullet and give him a quick ultimation and definitely follow it through to shock him into either cutting down or quitting

charliecat · 15/04/2006 21:03

is there baccy with the weed? or fags?

ShaysMummy · 15/04/2006 21:03

no, everybody does not do it!

You are not making a fuss- your son knows all about it!!

:(

lilstarry1 · 15/04/2006 21:41

My mum is a drugs counsellor (primarily with young people) and it is a dangerous habit. Cannabis has been linked to mental illness (especially if there is any family history), it is completely addictive, and can cause many other problems.

I'm not criticising anyone who choses to smoke it, but I think to do so around a young person is irresponsible. So many of the YP my mum works with were exposed to drugs from an early age and thus it was normalised for them. There is evidence to suggest that early cannabis use does lead to other experimentation/drug use...

It's a little extreme, but just for arguments sake - what would you say if a friend of yours came and told you she was shooting up in front of her children? OK, so slightly different to smoking pot, but by law they are both illegal drugs ... and in both circumstances children are being exposed to something they really shouldn't

Sorry if I've offended anyone, I've watched my father be destroyed be alcohol and I've encountered many disturbed young people addicted to pot.. if your DH wants to continue smoking he needs to do it somewhere else, and appreciate your perspective!

cod · 15/04/2006 21:42

wotcha so sick

lilstarry1 · 15/04/2006 21:55

I meant to say chooses...
It's late, I should hush up and just go to bed.. Blush

Original poster
sosickoftheweed · 15/04/2006 22:25

Cod and lady Sherlock - do I know you in RL ?...?

What upsets me is the necessity of it all. Its like he cant go any time at all without having it. If we go away (abroad)than he will not have any but as soon as we are back he's out there. If he has none he is scratchy and bad temnpered until he does, if he has some he smokes it full on until its gone

the smell disgusts me, but its the example to the children which will seperate us. In my opinion smoking weed (which he has done since 14) has robbed him of all ambition in every direction - his only hobby is weed!

OP posts:
Caligula · 15/04/2006 22:33

That's just reminded me of that line in that film, Shaft "it'll rob you of your ambition".

That's what dope does though. He is very seriously addicted, isn't he. The thing is, if it were booze, it would be more obvious that it's a problem iyswim because it's more recognised and there's Alcoholics Anonymous. I know there's a drug 12 step thing, but I think it's more for narcotics - cannabis has always been consdiered such a "soft" drug before, but hte varieties available now are not at all soft and are linked with mental illnesses.

Horrible to be around this sort of thing 24/7. Sorry. Sad

SparklyGothKat · 15/04/2006 22:50

OMG are you me? As I type dh is rolling a spliff. I hate it, I used to smoke it myself but don't do it now I have kids.

Moondog · 15/04/2006 22:53

God dope smokers are such tedious arseholes.
I hate it.
They're usually useless sexually too.

MeerkatsUnite · 16/04/2006 10:07

SSOTW,

You're not making a fuss about nothing and not everyone does it.

As your husband has partaken of this drug since he was 14 I would say he has become well and truly addicted to it. He cannot or will not cut back on his usage and it has robbed him of all his ambition. Infact his main priority is now the drug use - your son and yourself along with everything else come a poor second.

Only he can kick this addiction - any will to do so has to come from within him. You need to bear in mind also that he may not want to stop. He will also have to kick this on his own and without you and your son being around - he needs to lose everything and even then that may not be enough for him to finally quit.

If you give him an ultimatum of you leaving him or the cannabis you're going to have to stick to it to the letter otherwise he'll use it against you. He's used something against you already - your knowledge of his use when you met him.

schneebly · 16/04/2006 10:13

he needs to grow up and sort himself out! I have no problem with people having the odd joint at a party or whatever but when he is smoking every day and lying about it he has a serious problem. There is quite a serious risk of metal health issues from heavy usage. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and make him choose - the weed or his family. sounds harsh but it is the only way he might see sense. Good luck.

noddyholder · 16/04/2006 11:26

I don't have a problem with it either or at least I didn't but my 37 yr old brother is suffering from cannabis induced psychiatric problems and his doctors say they are seeing more and more cases Maybe he really feels he can't stop.Has he ever tried?He must be so lethargic

Original poster
sosickoftheweed · 16/04/2006 19:37

Thanks guys

Massive row today........(again)

God bless my M-I-L (they came round for a cup of tea and kind of got caught in the middle) who , when dh said to her 'if we wern't rowing about this, it would be something else'She said 'are you sure ?'Made him think a bit. Shes completely fab , my mil, and never, ever critisises, so if she ever does, dh does listen!

so dh says he will 'give up for a month' and I 'can do tests to make sure he has !!' Ha Ha. Can't make him understand I want to trust him ,not check up on him every 5 minutes!

he has occassionally stopped for short periods before, but tbh goes back just as much as before. I estimate he spends £100 a week on the stuff - he denies its that much - but then he would!

It IS an addiction, it IS the most important thing to him, but he WONT discuss it and completely refuses to consider getting help for it.

The next time I catch him (and I honstly dont LOOK for it iykwim) puffing in front of the kids its ultimatum time..........Like 'either you are so addicted you cant stop, or you basically completely disrespect me and my opinions - so its make your mind up time'

we'll see what happens.

I earn all the money, but he is good with the kids and does alot round the house and you know, apart from this we have a good marriage. we have the same values and expectations and we have a laugh together............and I love him - I just dont love this!

Sorry this is so long

OP posts:
MeerkatsUnite · 16/04/2006 21:20

SSOTW,

I'm sorry but it does not look good at all especially when given the fact he will not consider seeking help for his addiction. My guess is he won't even last the month without wanting the weed again - this addiction is too ingrained in him.

He may well have to lose you all and even then it may not be enough to get him to stop.

drosophila · 16/04/2006 21:31

It's an addiction like any and he probably won't quit until he admits he has a problem. Is he self medicating. I have a sister who is an alcoholic but the real issue is depression and she uses booze to erase those feelings.

As an aside many people have addictions. I don't drink any caffiene and recently had a strongish cup of coffee and I was buzzing all day. I mean buzzing. It lasted longer than a glass of wine and I could not shut up all day. It felt really good. Millions of people are addicted to caffiene but because it has no serious ill affects (as far as I know) it's never really discussed but I know tea drinkers in my family who would find it harder to give up the brew than some would less socially acceptable drugs. I only mention this cos addiction is so hard to understand unless you experience it.

Addiction is an illness and he needs help.

7up · 16/04/2006 21:33

blimey £100 a week!that is serious smoking! i used to get a quarter and itd last me a month. dont do it now, did find it hard to give up, i replaced it with a nightly brandyGrin or two

MeerkatsUnite · 16/04/2006 21:42

SSOTW,

The comment of yours "we'll see what happens" is to my mind actually self defeating - you know what's going to happen in the next month. He may well actually stop for amonth but then start up again. He cannot stop now without help and he doesn't want it. You don't even have to actively look for signs of his smoking weed - your seven year old knows about his "golden pipe". He may well be a good dad and you have a good marriage yes, but what example is he setting them?. The constant rowing is not doing anyone any good, your children are picking up on the tension.

This man saying, "oh you can test me yourself" is a cop out. If he does not want to get himself into a drug addiction programme (and he needs to decide this for himself) then nothing will get him free of this substance abuse. He is showing no signs of wanting to quit or even to admit he has a substance abuse problem.

If you earn all the money what does he do all day long?. Does he have a job?.

Seek support for yourself now - you need it for you and your children. The GP would be a good place to start in this regard. Relate may be another option for you to talk this through with someone on your own (doubt very much he'd go).

Talktofrank is a good website as well to look at.

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