Crotch grabbing, jelly nailing, double-quick portions and man parts floating in a pear tree...dating thread 33 survived Christmas so bring on NYE!

[OhLittleTownofWesternWind]

Here we are!

48 I'd actually be more bothered by someone telling me to say I love him rather than him saying he loves me. The latter would be his feelings therefore his problem to deal with when I told him it was much too soon. The former is someone telling me how I should feel, and making me seem vulnerable (the one who says these things first or who loves most is always easier to hurt) and that I would not like at all. I say "I love you" very rarely and only when I mean it, not when I'm told to.

But ... I know lots of other people are very different and say it quite casually to family, friends, colleagues, hairdressers etc etc.

At the time I thought the say you love me thing was a joke. I really laughed.

Only thought about it after. Hmmm!

OWW I hardly say it either. He would get that about me. Strange.

48 the girlfriend bit I think isn't a big issue, if you feel comfortable with it that is.

Anyone saying they loved me, or worse still asking me to tell them I loved them, so early on, is a red flag imo.

Men who make declarations of love and rush into stuff headlong tend to have issues. The Evil Ex was full on from the outset, loved me after 3 weeks. Only after 6 months did he show his true colours. You can be infatuated after a few weeks, but love takes many months to grow.

Agree with Western the 'say you love me' does seem worse than a simple declaration of love. To me it comes across potentially a bit controlling. Obviously tone is everything, might be a heat of the moment thing (I had a ONS once where the bloke kept saying 'I love you' while we were shagging, I found it a bit off-putting!), but it would concern me.

Yes, my violent ex lived me after about three or four weeks. I was so young and thought it was romantic and passionate. My arse. If I knew then what I know now ... He had so many red flags it was like May Day in Moscow.

I think I need to know a man well, to know how he deals with the bad times as well as the good, to see how he cares for his family and friends, to know that we have a connection beyond just sex (great though that is) that will see us through whatever happens. Then I'll know if I love him. And that all takes its own time. God, I sound so cautious and boring. Part of me would love to be swept away on a heady tide of romance and passion, but I just couldn't do it or believe that it's real and honest.

Going to keep my eye firmly on the ball

Loved me not lived me. Sausage fingers!

Sorry to interupt but can I just say, Channing Tatum. Naked. That is all.

Or Hugh Jackman ;-)

Was watching Magic Mike. [drool]

Well funnily enough Mr Cheeky texted me tonight and mentioned 'love making' instead of the usual 'fucking' or 'shagging' and then mentioned that he'd used the 'L' word .. I told him he doesn't know me well enough to love me .. That I like and fancy him .. He said he more than likes me so I've to find an appropriate word .. Anyone???

How about being in lust with him?

I said that Poppy but he said it is more than lust as he more than likes my company .. That it is more than just lust ..

I looked it up on Internet .. A question that has been asked lots of tin in fact .. People have suggested enamoured or adored .. Which to me are both the same as love or things along the lines of I like you more each day

Anyway I've told him to put the brakes on for now .. He says he's going to write me a poem ..

It is so difficult. I have used adore in the past and agree its just a substitute. How about amity? All the closeness and enjoying being with each other? Maybe it is just love and we are shy of using the term. It can be used to describe the initial rush of excitement and lust through to the long lasting, deep relationship. I have told friends and colleagues that I love them, in the past.

He's going to write you a poem? How romantic. Sounds like love to me.

What's in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet

So it doesn't matter what it's called......

We'll see how romantic it is .. He would actually put EL James (50 shades) to shame with some of the texts he sends so it may go down that route

I could put EL James to shame

48 fair point what a load of crap that was . The crossfire book was much better .. But there is much better erotic fiction out there .. I just used her as people would get the jist

KW I have always thought the sex is the easy bit, honestly I don't know why it has to get much more complicated. You can like each other alot, have great sex, really enjoy each others company, laugh alot etc. Not want to move into together. Simple to my mind.

That's funny, never thought about it before but you're right - there should be a good word to use that means more than like but not quite love.

On the other hand it also made me think of the conversation we were having yesterday about putting words or feelings into someone else's mouth. If he thinks he's falling in love with you then not up to you to tell him how he's feeling, just up to you to tell him how that makes you feel....?

Dunno, it's very easy for me to give advice from the sofa! may even be bored enough to have another peak at POF tonight cause it's etiher that or sending Mr60 that merry christmas message i resisted

My lovely Ex used to say that he had strong feelings for me, or was very fond of me :) That for us seemed to bridge the gap between like and love.

Even though it was a very intense relationship, we spent a lot of time together or in contact, and used to end every email and text with rows of x's, we didn't say I love you until about 3 months in. It would have been meaningless for me to say it any sooner, and I'd have felt uncomfortable if he'd said it before he did.

48 I could put Sid James to shame ...

Sometimes I think I know how I feel about LM, sometimes I don't. If in doubt, say nowt. Well, I've told him what I'm sure of, which is good enough for now and the rest will follow, or not.

He makes me laugh, and is kind, and fantastic in bed, and even tempered,and we can talk all night. So ... It's good.

Western you're right, it is all good. No rush to define how you feel as 'love', just enjoy it.

Spaceman continues to be witty, intelligent, thoughtful and not in the slightest bit smutty by text. To say I am looking forward to our date is an understatement.

Still nothing from Cuthbert...

Velvet Spaceman sounds a great guy. Smut too soon is a real turn off for me.

When are going again?