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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I dont know what happend

66 replies

Ferngirl · 21/12/2012 22:01

My Fiance had a few drinks at his Xmas party. I picked him up and we went to our local and had 1 drink. We went home with fish and chips. He went to bed as he was drunk. I then heard him being sick so I went up... Sick all over the floor/bed... I try and make him get up to clean it up and he wouldn't... I got really cross and pulled covers off him & shouted.... I wanted to show him what a twat he is being so I grabbed his phone to take a photo of the mess. He went balistic... He grabbed me and threw me on the floor pinning me down trying to get the phone ... I flubg the phone across the room and he got off me.

I dont know what to do. It's nearly christmas.. we have plans. My wrist is swelling up. He was screaming I made him do it. I don't know what to do... I cant go home to my parents I can't face it.

OP posts:
Idohaveoneofthese · 21/12/2012 22:05

Do you have a friend where you could spend the night? Are you OK, is he asleep now?

Leverette · 21/12/2012 22:06

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FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 21/12/2012 22:07

Go to a friend. Go to your parents.

Being embarrassed is nothing compared to being unsafe.

You do not have to cover for actions.

Let him clean his mess.

MumOfTheMoos · 21/12/2012 22:07

Well, first of all, you didn't make him do anything. Just remember that - none of what you've just related is your fault.

Has he ever behaved like this before?

It's an early warning sign; I know it's hard t think about having to admit this sort of things to people, especially at this time of year but I bet your family were rather you were safe than sticking with plans to save face.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 21/12/2012 22:07

his actions.

Feckthehalls · 21/12/2012 22:07

IS he normally this aggressive when drunk`? I would not be overly concerned if this is a one off.

rubyrubyruby · 21/12/2012 22:08

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Idohaveoneofthese · 21/12/2012 22:08

Also, what is on his phone that made him react that way?

Tortington · 21/12/2012 22:08

no one will agree with me- but here goes anyway.

the thing about being drunk is - you arn't yourself. its no excuse for shitty behaviour.

tomorrow he will be ever so sorry, you will make up after hours of talking and you crying, and promises will be made that he wont keep.

if this is a one off - then i won't scream leave the bastard - well unless you want to leave the bastard.

otherwise, leave him stewing in his own puke - he wont remember this tomorrow

foolonthehill · 21/12/2012 22:09

Violence for any cause under any circumstances is unacceptable. You have not only to tell him this but also to show him. I would get out and tell your parents why. It is not your shame it is his his.

Then in the quiet of the aftermath (and when you have made sure that your injury is not serious, and that there are no others, and had them documented) you can consider what it was on his phone that made a drunk, vomiting, incapacitated man suddenly leap from his bed and violently assault his DP.

So sorry this has happened OP. But you must take care of yourself first and foremost.

Original poster
Ferngirl · 21/12/2012 22:09

I dont really have friends that I can go to. Yes he is. He's trashed our room, the mirror my nan gave me is smashed to bits. I know what needs to happen but im so scared. I'm sorry my spelling/grammar etc is terrible.

OP posts:
DialsMavis · 21/12/2012 22:09

Get out. He has assaulted you and clearly has stuff on his phone that he doesn't want you to see Sad

Leverette · 21/12/2012 22:11

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rubyrubyruby · 21/12/2012 22:13

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Idohaveoneofthese · 21/12/2012 22:14

Is there a travel lodge nearby? And I would be tempted to take the phone - he won't be able to delete stuff now, but he will in the morning.

BelleoftheFall · 21/12/2012 22:15

He didn't try and stop it happening, he trashed a room, screamed at her that it was her fault and assaulted her. He's a thug.

OP you need to get out of there and go to your parents, no matter how much you may not want to. You need to ensure your safety.

BelleoftheFall · 21/12/2012 22:16

He didn't just*

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 21/12/2012 22:16

Whether you go to your parents now or sleep on the sofa, please do take stock.

You say he is often angry when drunk.

He hurt you tonight and blamed you for it.

Run for the hills. There is no dishonour in leaving someone like this, fiancé or not fiancé.

I know two women, one friend and one colleague, who left their fiancés. I can honestly say that none of our colleagues or friends thought any less of them, n the contrary. It takes guts to do it.

Original poster
Ferngirl · 21/12/2012 22:17

I know I agrivated him but this isn't the first time hes got drunk and been sick everywhere. I just got really cross... :( I really thought he would just scoop sick into bin and change the sheets.

OP posts:
rubyrubyruby · 21/12/2012 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Ferngirl · 21/12/2012 22:19

I would have never put it of FB or similar... Just shown him in the morning.

OP posts:
Idohaveoneofthese · 21/12/2012 22:21

I would want to know what he was trying to hide, ruby. That's why I said I would do it, rather than saying she should.

BelleoftheFall · 21/12/2012 22:21

Do not for one single second fall into the trap of thinking that you made him do this or that this is your fault. You didn't cause him to smash things and attack you. He chose to do this.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 21/12/2012 22:21

Yes the photo thing may be aggravating.

But he could have equally asked to stop, put his head under the pillow, walked out if the room...

If his response to adversity, gosh is his wife- to-be "adversity?", is violent behaviour, is it not a massive red flag?

foolonthehill · 21/12/2012 22:22

Ruby...really not the point is it?

This man has hurt the Op and has now trashed the bedroom and smashed something precious to the OP. This is not normal drunk behaviour...and if it's normal for him then so much the worse.

Feel the fear, walk out tonight. you don;t have to make any big decisions, just go and keep yourself safe.

I know the temptation is to stay and then talk and then sweep it under the carpet...but for these sorts of decisions a bit of space and making it real in real life is very very important.

Virtual hand hold if you want it OP