Whatever MN ladies decide i should do..i will do. Suck it up or be "ill" to avoid. You decide lovely ladies..

[nananaps]

I literally cannot stand my FIL. Cant stand the sight of the man, think its mutual although he isnt bothered in the least like i am.
(Loads of reasons)
BUT
Of course we have all been invited for lunch on NYD. BIL lives with FIL and has given us the invite.
BIL is lovely, DH has says yes we will be there.

The thought of spending any time with this man makes my foot twitch, painfully.

SO, suck it up and go, its only an afternoon, or (at 35 weeks pregnant, High BP, constant back pain, hip pain, and innability to fit behind an average table) go?

Majority will rule

Suppose we tell you to kill him?

Yo are 35 weks pregnant, by then you will be close to term and be unable to go anywhere.
Stay home

oh ffs man up.

I will HAVE to oblige.natch.

Although, will have to fight BIL who would love to bury the fecker under the patio.

No, why should you. Don't go and arrange another time for BIL to come over to you.

Let your DH go, put your feet up and enjoy soppy NYD TV.

You don't need to decide till on the day decide your excuse now

Go - safe in the knowledge that every odious thing he says and does must be reported back to your avid readers

MariahScary, ok, whos side are you on?
Wrong answer missy.

I htink part of being a parent is modelling good behaviour wrt in laws.

MAN UP and stop being a 5 year old

i am on team fil

NO Miraiah, NO nO nooooooooo.

There is no team FIL, there is not
there is only my team.

tis a nice team.
I have dark chocolate digestives on my team...FIL has bastard treats on his..

You think anyone solely spends every waking minute this time of year with people they 100% like? There's always some family member, friend or colleague to be navigated IME. The choice is to either endure & be sociable or stay home being a happy hermit.

Sounds like you don't like him and don't want to go... so just say so rather than hiding behind excuses.

oh and fwiw, good beahviour, i agree with, i will not brawl or stab the man if i go for lunch.
Will smile sweetly, through gritted teeth and will be vision of friendlness, even thought through my head i will be thinking "fuck off twatty, we all fecking hate you".

Ah, there's your answer then. You can't go burying in-laws when you're 35 weeks pg with back pain. Let BIL kill him, and offer to hold the spade. (Or more practically: tell BIL about the patio plan, and then you'll both go off into giggles thinking about it every time FIL does/says something particularly annoying, which will make the whole thing more fun for you and, as a bonus, may irritate FIL. Of course, this is even more juvenile than not going. But not necessarily a bad thing.)

Try this: go to the dinner

Every time your FIL makes a shitty comment, pull him up on it.

I AM a happy hermit at the moment, i LOVE that
I have to navigate the bugger all year round, just want to slob on sofa with turkey sarnies and mince pies.
Not as if i can even have wine to dull the pain of his company!

I like AF's idea. Call him on every single thing he does/says wrong. And then blame your grouchiness on being pg...

Do not go, he will push your BP up further

Go.
Yes you could stay behind and I'm sure you don't need a myriad of excuses, after all you are heavily pregnant and why should you be forced to spend time with a man you cannot stand?

But what is the Season of Goodwill without the goodwill bit?

Your husband and your brother in law will be glad of your support. You will be a valuable distraction for them and a very welcome one.

Your BIL obviously values your company and wants to spend this time with you both. Your husband will also want to spend this with you too. As for your FIL, well does it matter if he is there?

Go for however many hours you can stand. Be charitable and make a fuss of your BIL. Show your FIL that not only does his behaviour not affect you, but that you can rise above it, have a good time whilst in his presence and even be nice to him. Your wonderful and charitable behaviour might even shame him into having a bit of a conscience. Often the best defence against people who are bitter and twisted is generosity and kindness. How can you keep up a mean streak against someone who has gone out of their way to be charitable to you?

So take him a small gift, smile and make polite conversation with him and enjoy yourself.

To make it more bearable. State how many hours you are going for and make it very clear to your dh that you will leave at a certain time. You'll feel better knowing that at, say 2pm, you can get the hell out of there. If it's going ok you can always move this forward but you don't want to be sat there having a horrible time and wondering how much longer you can stand it.

Be the bigger person this Christmas and you might actually make a difference.

Best of luck

Annie that may seem juvenile, but looks like the perfect solution to me (the 2nd option that is, telling BIL about the plan).

Set up some signal with BIL so every time FIL says/does something you can do a small gesture to represent digging or similar, that way you can get your giggles in across the room to each other.

Think about it. You have the perfect excuse this year.
35 weeks pregnant.

Next year, with a near 1-year-old you probably definately won't be able to get out of it.....

and for the next X number of years

Oh and shitty comments are best responded with just a smile and "I don't know why you would say that?"

That's all. No witty retort (as you will forget them all), no trying to put him in his place, just question what he has said with a smile. Easy and effective.

Another vote for sitting down at home with your feet up for a day. You'll be busy soon enough and no doubt you'll have to see FIL after the baby is born, save your patience for then.

Or the patio plan but with BIL doing the digging as Annie said.