Videoing topless girls on holiday - overreacting or not?

[christmaswish]

He's been converting his first family's holiday vidoes, from VHS to DVD. He hasn't let me see them, because he said he'd hate for me to see his ex wife (fair enough I guess, but then he's sitting in the next room watching them). He did cut bits out, so I could see him when he was younger, and put them on a DVD for me & DD1.

So today I couldn't find it. I went to the pile, grabbed one & put it on. Yes, I'm perfectly aware that it may have been something he didn't want me to watch. So flame me, I'm a horrible bitch.

The video was a family holiday. To start with DH in the nude, with their DS. Then his ex & DSS. He claimed he didn't want me to watch as his ex would make me insecure & they went nude together. So there is this ordinary, chubbyish woman, fully clothed. I warmed to her instantly. He'd portrayed her as a slut, who got her tits out for guys, which is not what I saw. She seemed nice.

What made me gasp though - there were clips over the top, of other women. Very young women, very toned & bronzed, some topless. He zoomed in on their butts & boobs.

To start with I assumed that he'd just panned around, and got distracted... not so. He's deliberately edited it, so that in the middle of mum & son playing, there are about thirty seconds of other women. All clips he took, have close-ups of other women in. I felt really sorry for his ex wife. Very sorry :(

I've always been extremely insecure with DH, over & above every other relationship. He has done things to cause this, such as Adultwork, but is home all the time, and makes out to others, that he's a loving partner, to a paranoid bitch.

Last night I woke up, to find women in their undies on tv - he was watching a programme about prostitutes, and them seducing men.

We've never been on holiday - he has been abroad twice, to nudist beaches, since we married. And I've never seen all the photos he's taken.

When out, he never walks with me. When we dropped his son off, there was a young woman, that DH didn't take his eyes off. About 20mins, he just stared at her. He never even waved his son off. He claimed to not have done it, but I feel so ugly.

We don't have a good sex life. He can't come unless I've dressed up in stockings, which is tiring for me.

He sounds creepy.

Do you want him looking at your dd and her friends like that in a few years?

I would leave and disappear with my dd if it was me tbh as i could not garentee her safety or emotional health around him.

I don't love him anymore. I realised this recently. I feel sick. I told him that I didn't love him & he got angry & accused me of stopping my meds.

His son wasn't at school, it was at the bus station. His son lives with his mum & her two little kids, hundreds of miles away.

That's another thing, money. I've just found out that DH is into his unauthorised overdraft. I hate this. I was so careful with money, when I was a single mum when my own DS was small. We lived hand to mouth a lot of the time. I went without, so that DS didn't.

Even when I got a well-paid job, I was still miserly. I saved a lot. These savings have gone on a car for DH (I don't drive), an extension. I've now got very little left, and it's going on food & things for DD1 (she is our only remaining child).

DSS is joining the forces in January. He knew this for ages. He's now suddenly asked his dad for help, as he's not saved for the things he needs, and DH is helping him to buy things. I'm livid about this. We don't have the money, and to be quite honest, his son should have saved up. I'm worried sick about money, literally can't sleep at night, and think his son should have saved like an adult.

I don't know, I can't think clearly right now. I'm losing my temper with DD1 (who's a toddler), as I'm so bloody unhappy & worried.

Beyond revolting. And you are not paranoid - sadly I fear that what you know about him so far is just the tip of the iceberg, and I think you think that too.
This man has serious issues. You will never be happy with him as he will not change.
You need to be thinking about the life that YOU want to have and how to achieve that, away from this man. Sorry.

I have seen so many of your posts over the last couple of years, OP, and whatever the specific issue you're raising it is always immediately clear that your DH is absolutely vile.

I guess you don't feel up to leaving him, but it is so sad to see your posts over and over again. I really feel for you and your DD.

I have seen so many of your posts over the last couple of years, OP, and whatever the specific issue you're raising it is always immediately clear that your DH is absolutely vile.

I guess you don't feel up to leaving him, but it is so sad to see your posts over and over again. I really feel for you and your DD.

Leverette funnily enough he has great contempt for paedophiles. I was groped as a teen, by dad's friends. He knows this, and won't let our DD near them. But yes, his behaviour suggests different.

I wouldn't feel that my dd was safe around a man like that. Get out.

I'm so sorry. You must have previously had doubts and this just confirms that those are valid. To encourage his son too is really vile.

I wouldn't let a man like this anywhere near any daughter I had.

He obviously thinks women are sluts or angels/mothers. Nothing in between.

You had so much good advice on your other thread. Please take the advice and leave this man. These new revelations aren't a surprise after he looked for prostitutes on adultwork.

Mooncup even with name changes, I guess I'm identifiable. I guess that most men don't behave like this? I get confused as my dad's friends were pervs, so I guess I thought most men were like that. DH also said any "red-blooded man" would have joined adultwork to see a naked teens photos.

I have just asked my dh to read this and his response was "He has issues" said in a discussed tone.

This is not normal healthy sexual behaviour.

No, most men are not like this, and I am really sad that your life experience has made you think they are.

Encouraging his son.... the man is abusive. It doesn't matter that the son is over 16 now.

Hmm, my DP looks at porn (we both do, and yes I know that's very frowned upon on here) He wouldn't look at adultwork though because that isn't porn, it's a site for selecting prostitutes to contact for sex.

What has stopped you from leaving?
You were obviously ok on your own?
I suspect your depression would improve when you were away from mr creepy.

Pleas don't kid yourself you're staying for your dd's sake-she's suffering too.

What keeps you with him? Fear? Was being a single mum really worse than this? Your dd? I feel so sorry for her having him as her example of men Finances? Tell us about the finances and mnetters can advise.

How old are you? Do you want to get to your next milestone birthday and still have this creep with you?

Uh I am 100% sure my sons father, who is a 'red-blooded male', would rather stick pins in his eyes than look at naked teenagers on Adultwork.

It's not normal or what 'any' bloke would do. It's creepy and mysoginistic and your hisband has NO respect for women. And hmmm on his ex-wife cheating on him. Sure it wasn't the other way round?

If you don't love him, don't trust him, he is a financial leech andyou have proof he is a creepy shit why on earth are you still with him?

Could you maybe do a list of reasons? (for yourself not suggesting you post it on here unless you feel comfortable). Write 'Reasons why I am still with my husband' and see what comes out. You might identify things when written down which you can tackle. Is it the practicalities? Feeling 'stuck', fear of change? All that sort of thing.

Because at the end of the day this guy must make you miserable, he makes me shudder and I've never even met him.

my dh "He is talking shit"

Clips of his family on holiday interspersed with bits of random women's bodies is creepy and perverted. And not normal.

Some adults look at porn (I'd suggest that the healthiest relationships are ones when they look at it together)-certainly not all though: my dh is computer illiterate age 50 doesn't own a mobile and has no porn mags or anything like that(I know what's in my house, no there's no porn on the tv bill and we work at the same place so I can't imagine when he'd have the opportunity)-I can honestly say he doesn't look at porn and I've never seen him ogle a women other than myself.

, some people go to nudist beaches: all within the realm of normal.

It's not normal and it's illegal to use prostitutes/ not normal to contact prostitutes or discuss porn with adult children (boundaries...will you be happy with him showing porn to your dd when she's 18?).Illegal to film without consent (splicing them over footage of mother and child-wtf?).

It's unusual to holiday alone without your dp, but not unheard of. However, hiding evidence of perving whilst on holiday not normal at all.

People do dress up for each other in bed, but if one of you is not enjoying it then it's not normal to insist on it.

You are not paranoid and I actually think you're very trusting to think this sorry state of affairs is the extent of it.

Dh and I agree, you need to get out of this situation OP. Your DH sounds perverted and like he has zero respect for you. Anything has got to be better than living with this man surely?

I know it's a huge step, but I'd be making plans for a life without him.

Would you have the opportunity to meet up with his ex wife to get more clarification as to how and why they split? I'm sure if she has been through something similar, she would be able to tell you how she 'escaped'.

It's odd that you've never met, considering that they have a son that stays with you sometimes.

Your DH is not a normal "red-blooded" male. He is a pervert. What you do with that information is up to you.

Read the 'red flag' threads and see how many he ticks.