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Original poster

Is this is cheating on me?

169 replies

amy175 · 11/12/2012 22:32

my oh has been very secretive for months. Texting all times of day and late and night. facebooking intill gone midnight. everytime i go near he either closes the browser or turns his phone over so i can't see. on the way home from his works do on friday night he stopped the car at 11.30 to text while he thought i was asleep. Then Sunday morning i see him hiding his phone in the bed under the covers texting. I went mad and got very upset. i demanded he told me who he was texting. he denied texting and when i demanded to see the texts he said it wasn't any of my business. he went to the loo and deleted all the texts. i got very upset and demanded he tell me who he was texting. eventually he told me it was two women he was "he was helping and supporting them through hard situations and that they didn't want him to tell me what so he couldn't show me". I think this is cheating, even if it is just emontinally. he says i shouldn't be upset and he doesn't see he has done anything wrong. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
amy175 · 12/12/2012 23:40

It's hard to keep normality up. I feel hollow

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 12/12/2012 23:41

Do you think you can carry on putting a brave face on over xmas ?

there is nothing stopping you cancelling the xmas dinner with your/his parents and saying "no more"

it's just another day

another day of his shit

FolkElf · 12/12/2012 23:49

Amy love, I was where you are 5 weeks ago (wow, 5 weeks, is that all? It feels like a lifetime).

The shit that has come out since he has gone is mind boggling! His deception and lies extend so much further than I could ever have imagined.

I discovered he had joined an online dating agency. I've since discovered he has been having an affair with a married woman at work whose husband has walked out on her and he is on the verge of being in serious trouble at work.

The important thing i want you to take from this is that I could have believed him a hundred times over, I wanted to believe him! He's made it all into me, he's painting me out to be an emotionally abusive partner, he's rewritten our entire relationship to suit his own ends. He's been insulted, denied, looked me in the eye and made promises and every single thing I've suspected/discovered/queried has turned out to be true.

he's really struggling at the moment. he's alienated his family, his friends and work are none too pleased with his conduct there. The children don't want to know.

Me? Well I'm skint, but I'm happy Smile

Or at least, I'm not as unhappy as him! He might have found a new person to be "nice and kind" to him, but he's fast learning that he doesn't live in a disney film, he lives in the real world and the real world expects better of him.

Original poster
amy175 · 13/12/2012 12:07

I've told my friend what has happened and she is supporting me which has made me feel a bit better.

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 13/12/2012 12:59

It's a great move to get some support in RL

MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 13/12/2012 13:58

Great amy, good luck.

Original poster
amy175 · 13/12/2012 17:17

Thanks x

OP posts:
AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 14/12/2012 18:01

how you doing, amy ?

Original poster
amy175 · 14/12/2012 22:39

im coping, getting support from family and friends thanks for asking x

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AnyFuckerForAMincePie · 14/12/2012 22:51

x

Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 14:26

UPDATE - yep hes been cheating, or at least trying to. He had feelings for this other woman but when he told her she said no. So the intent was there. He said he soon realised it was me he loved and stopped trying to get with her. It has taken me over a week to get to this truth. I'm devestated and shattered and my trust has been torn into small pieces along with my heart.

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MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 17/12/2012 14:33

amy I'm so sorry. I'm sorry it happened and I'm so sorry he lied to you. Are you getting some RL support?

CinnabarRed · 17/12/2012 15:27

((((Amy))))

QueenieLovesEels · 17/12/2012 16:11

Rotter.

You are not going to be is fallback option/second best are you?

Show him the door.

Doha · 17/12/2012 17:06

Never settle for being someones fallback option. He will soon be on the lookout for someone else.

Time or him to sling his hook

Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 17:33

i'm trying to make it work over Xmas

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MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 17/12/2012 17:40

Did you go to your Family Law session? Have you had a look at the benefits calculator and all those links?

Does i'm trying to make it work over Xmas mean that you are ready to end the relationship after Christmas? What is he saying? Is he even really sorry and remorseful?

I feel like I'm asking a lot of questions, feel free to ignore me. Look after yourself.

Doha · 17/12/2012 17:45

He says he won't do it again, and that he hasn't been unfaithful. Do I believe him?

He did punch me once but he apologised and has not done it again.

i cant live with him cheating though and lying

Just a few of your past posts Amy.l hope you really try to make a new life for yourself away from this man.
You had to drag the truth out of him, he would have lied through his teeth if you hadn't been persistant in questioning him.

Time for you to sort your future out--just watch he doesn't pull you back over xmas in with his promises to reform his ways coz it wont happen

Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 18:51

my appointment is in Jan. I want it to work but am struggling to see how it can. he still says he hasn't been unfaithful. but he is sorry

i feel so shit

OP posts:
MrsTerrysChocolateOrange · 17/12/2012 19:16

he still says he hasn't been unfaithful because the other women didn't want to. As far as I am concerned, the fact that he wanted to is enough. He was unfaithful in everything except the deed. Do you think he would sleep with her now if she asked him too? Or someone else if the opportunity arises?

Also, he doesn't help you enough, he has hit you, he lies and hides things. Perhaps the other woman saw him for what he is. I'm rooting for you to get rid, get happy and move on. If you do decide to stay, please make sure that he at least has some boundaries, agrees to more housework and does it, gives you access to all passwords and codes, agrees he has done wrong and that you are allowed to not trust him.

Foolagain · 17/12/2012 21:43

he's a liar. admitting to the least he can get away with.what a shit...

Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 22:41

he is getting angry and upset and refusing to leave when i asked him to tonight. he says he wants it to work and wont go.
I am not sure i want to try again, he seems to want to blame me for not being there for him (even though i have broken my back in a horrid accident and spent loads of time in hospital, had a child run over and had another very poorly) over the last year. so this is the reason he did what he did. so my fault. Its my fault that he cant keep it in his pants

OP posts:
Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 22:43

and he wasn't there for me when i was in hopsital, he rarely visited but had time for the gym etc. and when i came out in a back brace i had to do all the housework staright away, even the day i came out which was way too early but i discharged myself as my kids needed me. should have been in for much longer.

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Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 22:44

by not going he is forcing me to stay with him

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Original poster
amy175 · 17/12/2012 22:46

and now i'm turning into an alcoholic, i'm on my second glass now.

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