I really am a knob, don't know why I do it to myself

[IAmAKnob]

No one has to write back I know I'm a knob just using this to write it down, sound it out and see what it looks like wrote down.

DD never knew her dad till the last 18months, he knew I was pregnant but he ended up moving and we lost contact until we met again about a year and a half ago. DD is now 7.

So basically he sees her now and again and pays now and again (he has just this month today set up a direct debit) and we have been sleeping with each on and off. First time we split up (since the 18months ago) was because I didn't want to be with him, then I did want to settle down and be with him but he was a knob and I found texts on his phone saying I love you blabla to another woman. A few times throughout all of this we have had a couple of one off shags to.

SO today after him not seeing him or dd seeing him after I told him I saw the texts we end up shagging. He was chatting loads of shite about he loves me, I didn't see the texts properly that was before we got back together, he knows he has responsibiltys to me and dc and wants us to work out. Why oh why did I end up in bed with him! Oh and hes also moving to london and will only be back majority of weekends. He didn't leave me alone today makes me so cross but why do I allow him in my house in the first place when I know what hes like?

I also (main reason for name change) have met another man recently, saw each other last night and ended up in a heavy snogging session and a date arranged on thursday. Not m normal type at all but thought I'd give it a go so to speak.

Have no idea why I'm a knob and I let him back in my life again.

Where would you like to be in one years time, five years time and ten years time?

Have no idea, I'm quite happy with my life as it is, and normally like being a single parent.

I suppose I'd like to do more training and progress up career ladder, which my company is great for. In 5 years in a house not a flat. A man is not my priority although I would like to fall in love, never been in love before so would like a husband maybe another baby in 10 years but not just a man for the sake of it.

Think I might have a think and do a ten year plan.

Well... as my best friend says 'when your fanny's on fire, your brains go out of the window'. :) Everyone gets lonely and makes poor decisions from time to time.... I'd include Mr Not My Normal Type in that btw. If you don't want to get back into a relationship with your ex - and that would seem the smart move - then do something positive to keep him out of your house and at arms-length.

My fannys not even on fire, for either of them! No melty awww moments. Probably down to loneliness and boredom.

I secretly do want to be with him if I'm really honest, I wish everything he said was true, but I know it's not.

Yep... loneliness and boredom will do it too. Wouldn't feel too bad about it. Would unceremoniously giving both men the boot restore the balance at all?

Just dont get pregnant

I do quite like the other guy, we got on really well but I can tell he's the clingy sort that wants to hug all night and kiss you all the time. But he did say he's just out of a relationship so I could say sorry don't want to be the rebound.

DDs dad is harder to get rid of, whenever I want him he doesn't want me and whenever I don't want him he'll move heaven and earth till I give in.

Going to be doing an online course at the end of december/january so hopefully I won't even be agonising what to do and should I should I not give him another chance. But I am bored of being by myself if I'm honest even though Iv'e just said it's not a priority!

I am not getting pregnant.