to demand my DH comes home?

[efme]

He has been living with his mum for two weeks because his father is in hospital and his mum has early stage dementia. She is only 65 so it is very sad, and we didn't realise how bad things were until my DH's father went to hospital. She is basically fine but forgetful - she might leave the cooker on, or forget to eat, or leave the house without her keys.

I'm 10 weeks pregnant and have been off work for the last few days because I feel so tired and ill. I know it's all normal, but I also feel very low (I have a history of depression). This is my first pregnancy and I can't stop worrying and panicking about the future. I have been to the doctors and have an appointment with a counsellor but not until the new year. We have a lot of money problems, partly caused by the situation with DH's parents which has taken up a lot of our time over the last year. We're both self employed so any time off = lost earnings. I am terrified of the future and don't know how to cope.

I have spoken to care providers and set up an appointment for my DH and his mother last week. The meeting went well but care will be expensive. But I really feel like I need my DH home, even just for a week. On the other hand his parents need him too, and I'm not doing much to help because I feel so terrible. And at the moment my DH is being very strong, but I know this must all be dreadful for him. The thing is, I just don't know how I can carry on without him for another week. AIBU to ask him to come home?

you can report yourself and get it removed

Thanks. Have done so. Hopefully wot take MNHQ long.

X-post with brady. I'm off. The sooner thus disappears from active conversations the better.

Please tell your DH and yes, phone the Samaritans.

Efme, as PP has said please call the samaritans and talk to them, they're a great sounding board. Tomorrow morning speak to the out of hours doctors and get yourself some support, they can help get you the treatment you need.

You do not want to die, this is the AND and hormones coming through, you are struggling along as best you can, just hang on in there. Speak to the midwifery team too, we have specialist MH midwives here who are amazing.

AND is crippling, I've been there and I can feel the sadness and despair in your posts.

EFME

You are not selfish - you are struggling, there's a world of difference.

If I were you, I'd get an early night and go to your MIL's tomorrow. Sleep on the sofa, or with her and DH can sleep on the sofa.

You need to be with people who love you.

Just because your MIL has early dementia, it doesn't mean she can't support you, while you support her.

Please ignore the people who only skim read the OP and not the whole thread.

You didn't 'drip feed', your struggle just came out as the thread progressed - big difference.

I am sure that you and your DH will make lovely parents - please try not to worry about that right now.

Hallo there
We shall move this to our relationships topic
All best to you OP

Things can seem so black and white when you are depressed or anxious:

You are perhaps thinking our MIL needs support so your DH has none to give you. That's not true. He needs to know how down you are feeling.

Good point about your MIL as well. You are not alone.

Olivia

Efme, I suffered from AND in my last pregnancy it was horrific. At one stage I was literally just counting down until I gave birth so I could get on with killing myself, so I really do get how you're feeling. You are not selfish for wanting you DH home, it's just really bad timing, that so many people need him at the same time.

You say you have no one to support you and talk to about this, but there are people who can help. Speak to the Samaritans or write online here.

Things became much more bearable for me after the first trimester and the hormonal surge died down, I also had counselling up until just before DS2 was born, which really helped, he's now 11 weeks and so far so good. Hopefully you can also find the help you need.

I think you should see your gp op.

OP - trying to think practically here because I feel that you are close to crisis:

In my original post I said that your MIL needs your DH more at the moment. Practically speaking, she does. But you are clearly in a darker place that I first understood and I think perhaps you do need to look at a short term solution (which would be in addition to an appointment with your GP asap)

There are agencies - care agencies - that offer a temporary live in care service. They will not be cheap but is this something that you could investigate so that your MIL has someone - other than your DH - move in with her whilst FIL is in hospital? Do you have any timeframe for how long he is likely to be in?

My mum was offered a service like this when we went on holiday. It was via the mental health care team in our borough and we had to pay but it was worth it for peace of mind.

Is there a cheap B&B very close to your MIL? I mean close enough that you and DH can be together all day and then one of you just uses the B&B to sleep?

Long term solutions can be looked in to later when FIL is home and you are feeling stronger.

Can I ask how you were feeling 'in general' before your DH moved in to his mums? Were you enjoying the pregnancy at all then or were you already struggling and this has just exasperated it?

I feel for all you OP - it's a hard situation but there are things that can be done. Keep posting x