PIL...yep that old chestnut!

[BellaOfTheBalls]

I suspect this should probably be in AIBU but I'm not sure I'm brave enough!

Small backstory - we moved away about 10 months ago to a beautiful rural area due to DH getting a job that offered far better prospects than any he could get where we were. It also has the added bonus of being close to my family. We weren't wrong; the move has proved to be the best thing we've ever done, DCs happy, DH & I happy, DH promoted to head of a department within 6 weeks of starting etc. PIL understood but MIL was extremely upset; she didn't get out of bed for three days when she found out. They are visiting for the weekend & arrived while DH was at work. All good & fine until MIL said to 16mo DS2 in baby talk "your mummy & daddy kidnapped Granny's boys and took them away from her, didn't they?" I didn't say anything but was upset by it. She then told me how it doesn't feel like Christmas, there's no point putting any of the decorations or the tree up because the DCs aren't there & its too depressing. She says all this to me & not DH, so sometimes it can feel like I am being singled out or that she lays the "blame" solely at my door.

It's been almost a year since we found out we were moving and 10 months since we actually moved. She's seen DC's every 2 months in that time and we Skype weekly. I make an effort to post lots of pictures & videos on FB or to send them to her via text/email etc. What more can I do?

I do hope for the sake of many on here that "what goes around comes around" is not true.

I am also glad that the op seems to be kinder and mre empathetic than many.

Oh, I think it is often true and generally salutary that "what goes around comes around", seeker. It is for that exact reason that OP's siblings will have nothing to do with their mother, and that I am right now quietly judging you.

I think what annoys me about this is the language she is using. She is obviously trying to make you feel guilty. She could have just said that she misses her grandchildren alot and wishes she could see them more but no she makes the kidnapping comment. I think its a very deliberate ploy to upset you. Just my opinion though. Its all very nice to give her the benefit of the doubt but I hope you don't underestimate her as well. For your own wellbeing and sanity at the very least.

I think gps who "live for" the grandchildren are asking for trouble really.

It puts a lot of pressure on people and makes them feel guilty for living a life that doesn't necessarily include the gps as much as they would like.

Adult people are allowed to move away from their parents even if they have children of their own. Without feeling guilty I mean.

Oh, don't hold back, HOTdamn!

It is absolutely fine to miss your children and to feel sad about it,my ds went to University this term and I have missed him dreadfully BUT it is not OK to make them feel bad or guilty about this ., in fact I hope my ds has no idea how much I have missed him , I would be horrified if I made him feel guilty in what should be for him a happy and exciting time

My job as a parent is to set him free , to take pride in his achievements and be there to support him in his life choices .Not to cling to him like a drowning man to a life raft.

My MIL made dh and I feel awful when we moved away., despite the fact that it was a wonderful opportunity for dh she never congratulated him and made us feel so bad that eventually we moved home again . I love where we live but in retrospect we should have stuck to note guns and stayed away.