OK. LETS GET THIS OFF OUR CHESTS .... if you COULD write a letter to the OW .....

[stoopidCUPID]

.... what would you say?

OK - I SHOULD STATE HERE THAT I HAVE NAME CHANGED FOR THIS ONE.

Now, yes, I know in RL this is a real NO NO - but my thinking is, hey, why dont we all offload on MN and get this out of our systems?

Personally, I just wouldnt go there, in real terms, if you see what I mean - I just wouldnt post that letter/send that email.

But boy oh boy it would be nice to just vent my feelings and basically just say piss off - but without the explitives! lol

(Im actually off to bed right now but I promise to add mine later this weekend)

So, come on everyone - VENT VENT VENT VENT

Ok, I am several years down the line, settled and happy. Here's mine, and maybe it will help to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Dear OW,
What you and exH did totally rocked my world. But I have rebuilt it. What you and exH did made me feel more angry and depressed and desperate than I have ever felt before or after. I visualised in my head doing all kinds of things to you and him - like punching you in the face, or tearing up all his clothes. I am glad I didn't do any of it for real. Because now I am no longer angry or depressed or angry, I am happy and content and enjoying my life. I decided that I did not want to live my life feeling angry and bitter, as that didn't punish you, or help me. It only kept me in a dark and lonely place.

My children have turned out just fine, they are happy too, and settled. Despite my previous anger against you both, I am so glad that I never slagged you or exH off to them. They are too young to understand those "adult" emotions or relationships, and to have done that would only have confused and harmed them. I am glad that I always maintained the moral highground, as I know when I see you that I have never behaved in a way that was less than dignified. I can stand tall and proud of the way I have conducted myself.

Dear OW

Thank you very for contributing to the collection that bought a gift from my husband's workplace to celebrate the birth if our third daughter.

You claim to already love my children, though you have never met them and indeed were out with my husband until the early hours on our third baby's due date when I was scared and in pain and needed my husband's support. You were also shagging my husband in a cheap hotel 5 minutes walk from the family home when my husband promised he'd be back to see the children. Five hours my children had to wait crying for their father.

I realise you've never been a parent so cannot understand the depth of the love involved which is probably why you are now getting resentful of my husband's despair over missing his children.

I really hope you never meet my children, I don't believe you are a good role model for how they should behave. Your actions have shown you to be selfish, cruel and emotionally void.

I really hope you and my husband are soul mates who will be in love and happy together forever, at least then there will be something positive to come out of a situation that has caused such pain and heartache for me and the children.

Dear OW,
The reason you haven't heard from me is because I believe you are an inferior human being, who is not worthy of my notice.
I hope your parents are ashamed of you, their daughter, becoming involved with a married man and getting engaged to him three months after he left me and our son.

I hope you will both be very unhappy together, as neither of you deserve any happiness in your lives whatsoever. If you even cause each other half of the pain, shock, hurt and anger you have caused me, it will put a big smile on my face :o.

I will support DS in choosing not to see you for as long as he wants, even if it's forever. He hates you, although he doesn't realise your relationship with his father broke up our marriage. You will never play happy families with him. Ever.

I'm sorry hrs been so horrible to you love. Violent,cheating and does nothing for you and the kids. I'm sad you never get gifts for Mother's Day etc.
My new dh buys me diamonds, treats me like a queen, takes equal share of childcar,supports my career ,so I am extra sad for you.
Finally ow just this. DID YOU ACTUALLY THINK HE WAS A GOOD BLOKE?

Dear OW
I was a 13 when i found my mother crying begging my father not to go to you. You destroyed my family I hate you. You turned my beautiful mother into a shy sensitive person afraid of my father even when she tried to leave he couldn't let her go. Did you not get the picture when you'd call and I'd tell you to leave us alone or when my 6 year old brother would tell you to leave us alone? I have grown up hating you, hating my father and protecting my mother. I will never forget the hurt you caused. I must thank you though because of you I grew up strong and thanks to you my brother my mother and myself are so close.
Oh and the woman whose marriage you wrecked she is doing just fine I am so proud of her she is back on top she had us to carry her through her dark times a 6 year old and a 13 year old trying to protect her mother and her brother from you. You complete and utter bitch.

Because OW do what, Higgle?

Would love to hear more about your thoughts on divorce, the law, and what you found out about it and your own conclusions...

Abitwobblynow - Yes, the worst bit of my career was the family law bit, mainly because it was hard to get a result that pleased your client, and I soon diversified into other bits of litigation before 20 nearly 20 years of just crime.
The practice I worked for had a largish commercial section ( firms were far more diverse in those times) so many of our divorce clients were businessmen.
Sometimes you would get a middleaged man come in with the OW who he was divorcing to be with. Typically there would be a lot of PDA followed by some mutual slagging off of soon to be ex-wife along the lines of being pushed away by various sorts of unreasonable behaviour including "letting herself go". My overwhelming feeling at such times was a total incomprehension about how seemingly sensible men could go straight from one relationshp into another without some time inbetween to grieve the end of one relationship before starting another. I didn't understand how these things work in those days. I would also feel extremely uncomfortable when I felt I was being asked to join in lauding the attractions of the new woman.

In those days clients only viewed sucess as getting wheat they wanted after a drawn out battle in the courts and were not so keen on settling as legal fees were less and one party would usually get legal aid ( which was often entirely free)

I'll not be sending anything to her at all, but my temptation would be to send this to her parents (who she still lived with when she took up with my H, and they entertained him at their home while I was pregnant and they were invovled).

Dear Mrs OW's mum,

I would like to give you the opportunity to talk to your daughter about 'red flags' in relationships. From what I've been told, she is a sweet and fairly quiet girl. I know from experience that my STBXH can be gregarious, outgoing, charming and highly persuasive - being involved with him in the early days may feel like the sun is shining only on her.

However, I know she is already lying to you about the nature of her relationship with him, and he will make sure she continues to do so for a long time. They have not just begun their relationship. It began 18 months ago, before I became pregnant with my husbands second child. When you entertained him in your home last NYE he was cheating on his pregnant wife with your young daughter. Your daughter spent much of last Christmas sleeping with him in my bed, while he avoided spending the holiday with our toddler son and blaming me for his emotional distance. She is lying to you because she is ashamed, and I have no doubt he is encouraging her to do so. Her shame makes her easier to manipulate.

She has accepted a second hand man, sleeps with him in a second hand bed, and this week the 'romantic break' he is taking her away for is to Egypt, where we honeymooned. So she will be enjoying a second hand holiday. She will also have to cope with second hand bullying tactics, financial, emotional and sexual abuse. He will make her responsible for his relationship with our children. He is already pressuring her to become pregnant herself, no doubt to 'help' him cope with the pain of not seeing our newborn son (who he makes no effort whatsoever to see).

My STBXH is a liar, a cheat and a manipulator. Despite him putting the fear of god into your daughter that I will rake mud over her name by naming her in our divorce (which I would have every right to do) I would like you to hear it from me, first hand. I am divorcing him for the domestic abuse I suffered while living with him, of which his infidelities are only a small part.

If you are able to dissuade your daughter from becoming the fourth young woman he does this to (the two before me suffered emotional breakdowns, and terminated their pregnancies) then I urge you to do so.

Yours, Mrs Choco.

Powerful stuff

How utterly sad .

I did snigger at Arthur's post though.

Fuckitthat'll do - I agree with you. And like you, I am not an OW and not mother Theresa.

Men must be made accountable for their actions, and sometimes the OW is not told the whole story and doesn't always have the time and space to find out straight away. Sometimes OW have to take a risk and find out for themselves...just like some of the women here who had to find out. At the same time, I can see that people are just using this post to vent out...

Sometimes the ow does know the whole story though and still jump in and some of them bizarrely continue to taunt and be vile to the wife and children long after the married couple have made their peace.
Yes ow I'm talking about you and your odd vendetta against me and my children!
I don't actually care what you think of me or that you had a ring delivered to my house to "rub my nose in it" cos ex had already explained nicely to me the reason why. I had moved on nicely by then and have never given you or ex a days trouble so why you still obsess over me I don't know.

ledkr Shes obsessed with you because, you came first, you had the "man" and the kids first, now she just has to tell you, she has him now, its kinda pathetic.

Excellent post choco would fall on deaf ears, though :(

Yes, I thought that Choco probably should send her letter.

I also don't like the women-hating language but I am sorry so many of you feel as you do.

Whilst many of the other letters should clearly never be sent choco I really would be inclined to send yours

sadly I don't know where to send it, I could probably find out, but I don't know what it would achieve. He would probably find a way to use it against me and her if I tried

I have three things to say.

One. Ha. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

Two. It was funny as fuck when he told you to style your hair like mine. And you actually DID it. And looked like a muppet. Took ages to grow out didnt it.

Three. Thanks.

Wow, Choco - didn't your ex claim he left you because he "didn't want to be tied down" or some similar guff? Yet he wants to get OW pregnant?!?

well, I threw him out when I discovered the OW. But in the run up to that discovery yes he was giving me the whole 'I don't think I'm cut out for marriage' line, as well as telling me that our lives were 'not normal' since we had a baby (and I was pregnant with no2). He thinks that you should be able to have a wife, a baby, no job and yet miraculously still have sex with a 25year old, spend money on yourself with impunity and go out/on holiday/off whereever you damn well please. But only if you're HIM. If you're his wife or partner, you should be at home, with no money, cleaning up after him, turning a blind eye to his indiscretions and being grateful for the privilege.

He's a joy to womankind, I tell you.

Ok, just to be clear, this is not about woman hating. I don't blame the OW any more than I blame my XH - they were both equally complicit and equally to blame. But I've had my chance to say my peace to my XH. I will never get the chance to say this to the OW (I could contact her on FB, but I won't). So I will vent here. After the year I've been through I think I'm entitled.

Dear OW,

When my XH first met you, you were a single mother because you're husband left you for another woman. I bet your XH told the OW that he was unhappy. I bet she was young and pretty and adored him without question. And when you decided you weren't going to put up with his shit, he became abusive and manipulative, didn't he? I bet he blamed you for his affair. I wonder how I know that.

Now I'm the single mother who's husband left me for another woman (actually I kicked him the fuck out but why quibble over small differences). I bet he told you how unhappy he was and how I never listened to him. I bet you listened, didn't you? You're younger, and pretty and adoring. And guess what? When I decided I wasn't going to put up with his shit...he blamed me. He became abusive and bullying and manipulative.

Funny that...they're all the same you know. You weren't special. He's not special - you're relationship is nothing special. In fact the whole thing is so cliche it's almost funny. I'll tell you what I don't get though. I don't get how, having been me, having been in my shoes, you then consciously chose (yes chose, these things don't just happen, you made a decision) to sleep with a married man. A man who had a home and a wife and two children who adored him. You could have said, "I see how unhappy you are but go back and talk to your wife." Instead you fucked him. And sent him filthy texts and love messages (Yes, I saw them - I read 300 pages of them...every word). You knew.....you knew that what the two of you were doing was going to destroy a family. And even knowing what that felt like, knowing the pain and the grief and the life altering hell I was about to go through....you did it anyway.

Maybe our marriage would have fallen apart anyway; maybe we would have talked and realised we were both unhappy; maybe we couldn't have resolved whatever issues we had. Or maybe we would have realised how much we had invested in each other and put every drop of energy into rebuilding our relationship from the ground up. Either way, that would have been OUR choice. My choice. You took that choice away from me. And for that, I don't forgive you.

I just hope you can live with YOUR choice.

Regards,
Yoga

chocoreturns I really hope your ex's Karma comes in the form of impotence, then he can no longer dip his wick in poor unsuspecting women.

"spend money on yourself with impunity and go out/on holiday/off whereever you damn well please. But only if you're HIM. If you're his wife or partner, you should be at home, with no money, cleaning up after him, turning a blind eye to his indiscretions and being grateful for the privilege."

Wow, Choc, you are married to Mr Wobbly's twin. The spending money with impunity always involved unilateral decisions, didn't they? No consultation, I want therefore I shall have.

I've been thinking about this thread for a couple of days, wondering whether to post, going thru what the content of my 'letter' would look like, and then I read yogagirl17's post and realised that the last two paragraphs said it all for me really.....

They knew, they fucking knew that he was married with DC, but apparently I don't understand him, don't have sex with him am just after his wallet and think more of my horses than I do of him.....
"They were just two people who found each other for a brief time" That was said by one of the OW by the way, not DH.
ah, ain't it romantic...yuk!!!!
Now I thought I was a woman of the world etc but I'm really not as I had no idea that sites such as marital affairs and illicit encounters, existed. I had no idea that women would 'chat' to men online and if they liked the look of them then would invite them to their house, with their DC asleep upstairs, and have sex in their living rooms with these strangers.
Or that following a 'chat' they would meet at an Ibis or Premier Inn for sex the next day.
Will stop now as I'm going off on a tangent!! Have no idea how i would word a letter to that sort of OW, became words fail me...
Thanks OP and YG17!!